Sex, the pill and privacy/secrecy.

[ThatVikRinA22]

dd is 16, and very level headed and sensible. She has been with her 17 year old boyfriend for over 2 years now.

i know that when she stays over at his they share a bed.
ive said im fine with him sharing a bed here if he ever wants to stay. He never has though and DD keeps him at arms length from me a bit - i dont know why because i really like him but i guess its just all too cringeworthy for her at the moment.

yesterday DD fainted while at a college placement. They rang to say she was out cold for a couple of minutes.
she had eaten breakfast.

Today my Dsis told me that she recently went on the pill. DD did not tell me.
she has a doctors appointment about the fainting.
ive not said i know about the pill - but ive said that she must tell the GP everything that she is taking medications wise. She takes iron tablets as she is low on iron.

ive no idea what pill it is she is on. She does get migraines and i know when the gp prescribed migraine tablets he did state she could not use the pill with them.

i dont know if she has remembered this.

i cant say anything because im not meant to know - i have no idea why she wont talk to me about any of this but she wont - and i dont want to say that dsis has told me because im glad that she is at least talking to someone about it.

i have asked her if she could be pregnant but she said "no". ive asked if she has started any medications or anything new - again she said No.

should i just keep quiet and hope that she tells the gp everything she is taking including the pill?

ive no idea why she is so cloak and dagger about it all.

A friend of mine had exactly this issue with her daughter some years ago. I don't remember the reason for the doctors appointment but she had found out that her daughter was on the pill but hadn't told her. Just before the daughters appointment my friend sat down with her, told her how important it was that she was completely honest with the doctor about anything she may be taking even if she hadn't mentioned it to her (my friend) yet. She also said that she wouldn't be upset if there was anything that she hadn't told her about including contraception as she would be pleased that she was being responsible etc. The daughter then confided in her and went on to give the doctor all of the relevant information. I think the daughter went into the appointment by herself as well. Hope this helps.

my dd still hasnt told me she is on the pill she is in her 20s i found out when she was nearly 7 I found them while i was Honestly putting something away i wasnt snooping, I guess it is their sex life and not ours and as a girl able to have sex legally then be pleased that she has gone on the pill in the first place her GP will know what she is on dont worry just remember she is growing up and taking charge of her own private life

I know you want that mum and daughter chat and closeness i did too but she is entitled to a private sex life and her taking the pill is part of that

its fine - she just told me. well, i asked.

i was worried it could be the reason for her fainting but she has been on it a long time now so doesnt think its that.

slightly worringly - her blood pressure is low, she is underweight despite eating like a hoss, she is always tired, she is on iron tablets, but her her heart races sometimes, so she is being sent for blood tests.

Glad she was able to talk to you in the end - even if it took a rather large push!

Hope it turns out to be nothing too serious re blood test xxx

glad all has turned out well. But the occasional teen has died because they lied to the doctor, who then prescribed the pill without the right information.

Rest assured she would definitely have been asked if she suffers migraines - of course if it is the same GP it will be on the records.

grown up games, grown up choices. She is indeed entitled to a sex life and privacy, but she must realise the responsibilities that go with it.

glad you know now i hope she is alright and her blood tests come back quickly

As others have said I'm sure your DD didn't tell you because she was safeguarding her privacy and being loyal to her boyfriend and their relationship, as you're clearly not judgmental or unapproachable. She was probably embarrassed too.

I know how you feel a bit - I had a similar thing with my DD who I strongly suspect got herself emergency contraception without telling me or asking for help despite presumably having to get time off school, face a lecture from the GP, knowing looks from the chemist and possibly meet someone she knew at the chemist, even though she's allowed to have her BF stay over and stay over at his - it's obvious they're sharing a bed. And she knows I like him. We've had a few chats about contraception and relationships. She was ridiculously busy at the time doing a public performance and an exam. It must have been awkward for her to get to the GP in between her rehearsals. I assume she was desperate to avoid the possibility of me asking embarrassing questions about her and her boyfriend. I'm so glad it didn't make her ill at the time of her exam.

I think iron-deficiency can cause your heart to race. It takes a while to build up stores of iron apparently. I hope they get her sorted out asap.

With migraines, it is very likely that she is on Cerazette.

no she actually told me and talked to me about it yesterday - she is on microgynon.

i thought it would have been cerazette (i was on that and found it brilliant)

but apparently not.
ive no idea if she is sleeping with bf (i would imagine she is) but she says she went on it to regulate her erratic periods.

its a mini breakthrough that she told me at all and actually she was fine talking to me - i didnt make a fuss or draw anything out of her that she didnt want to discuss. hopefully now she might realise im not the worlds most embarrassing mother (T.M.)!

I don't want to alarm you but the combined pill should not be prescribed to women who suffer from migraines, as it significantly increases their chances of having a stroke. I would suggest she talks to her GP about the mini pill.

agree with the above about migraine and the combined pill. There has been recent info in the press again about it.

Trouble is vicar, she'll kind of have to own up to having a sex life if you talk about approaching a swap to cerazette as the one thing that wont do is be a cycle regulator.

If it was my DD in a long term relationship at 17 I think I'd try to change my mindset (and it's a big change as a mum) to assuming she is having sex and assuming she needs contraception.

Maybe have a look on the faculty of family planning website and print some stuff about the risks out, then you can have one of my conversations.... ie

"someone on mumsnet mentioned this stuff about that pill you are on and it's made me think y'know..."

"someone on mumsnet" often raises an issue I want to discuss!

vicar it's good that she told you. My mom took the opposite approach and marched me down to the GPs to go on the pill when I was getting 'serious' with my then BF (now DH). We waited a further 8 months as I wanted to be 17.

Here migraines will be on file at the GPs and usually there would have been a discussion of the risks v benefits. Drop it in to conversation (I too have used the "someone on mumsnet" line!)