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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Revision with my 16 year old

29 replies

Echelonvicky3 · 21/01/2014 19:18

Help! I am a mum of three 16,14, and 12. My 16 year old is facing gcse's and is behind in his work at school. We had a school meeting and a plan of only half an hour a night revision was discussed and agreed. He hasn't done any, he gets abusive towards me when i question his not revising. I am so worried as he wants to go on to sixth form. i have tried positive rewards, trying to talk to him like an adult, spelling it out as it is, loosing my temper, contacting the school for advice none of which is working. The worst part is the lying to me. We had a close relationship before this, I feel like I'm loosing him. Any ideas? Thank you all

OP posts:
fartmeistergeneral · 23/01/2014 17:49

Hi, offering support. I'm the OP on the link posted earlier so I know what you're going through and can I say quite honestly that nagging will do no good and will only ruin your relationship.

What I've done with his 'help' is make out a study timetable for two weeks (then will probably repeat for a while til closer to exams and then step it up a bit). I do have to remind him - things are far from perfect and I can honestly say his ability to revise is very very poor at the moment but I'm hoping that over the weeks it will get better. Exams are not until May/June but I want him to get into the way of revising and he has a LOT of ground to cover.

Someone messaged me about this which I found unbelievably helpful. They said they wondered if all the worry and stress wasn't over my son failing the exams, but the absolute fear of letting go of my hopes and expectations for him and that is so true. I wanted him to do well, go to uni, get a great degree and have a fabulous career - and it scares me that this might not happen - THIS is my biggest fear. I need to let that go, and try to accept that he might not be an academically high flyer - he might end up not having this big career I wanted for him. That's life. My relationship with him is the most important thing.

chattymother · 24/01/2014 09:20

that does ring true with me fartmeistergeneral as he constantly says we have too high expectations of him - we are expecting good grades because that is what his teachers say he is capable of and I do want him to achieve his potential - which if he doesn't put the work in won't happen!

My husband had a chat with him yesterday and my son said he plans to do half an hour a night for now and increase that after half term - I'm not sure what bought about the change of heart but we'll see how it goes.

fartmeistergeneral · 27/01/2014 15:13

Yes it's frustrating when they are predicted A's and get C's and fails. In my case ds is extremely immature in all things and I'm hoping that he can scrape a few passes in this, his 4th year, and have gained a bit of maturity for 5th year.

RawCoconutMacaroon · 27/01/2014 15:58

Op, I am going through this for the 3rd time (ds1 and ds2 at uni), ds3 sitting Highers (equivalent to some where between As and A2).

Firstly, I think you can boost his grades considerably if you can get him to work, and usually this actually means teaching them HOW to study. Reading the course book or notes isn't an effective way to learn, and with all of our DS, they have subconsciously gravitated towards studying the facts they already know (again, very ineffective as a way of increasing marks!).

This is what we did. And it works (grade rise from in most subjects from prelims to the real thing of 1or 2 grades).

Remove all technology including TV from the DC bedroom until the end of the school year. Seriously. Set up computer, ps3 or whatever in another room. The idea is not to deny them the use of these, but to set boundaries to help with self control. They SHOULD be gaming, watching tv, using the computer, or whatever helps them relax, every evening, but only after the agreed amount of work is done, home work is done, and not until 3am (sleep is incredibly important), except maybe on a Friday night! They really need the boundaries at that age if they don't yet have the maturity to make themselves do it.

Past papers and practice papers are the thing which helped all of our boys. But the important thing is using them to identify weak areas. Get the DS to do a paper, them mark it with them- discuss how their answer differers from the specimen answer, make harshly and look for topics that they are scoring very low in. Tell your DS it is a really GOOD thing to find those weak areas, that's where he will gain most marks. If your DC is getting 60% in a paper (for example) but you find a topic he's very weak on, some spot revision on that could boost marks nicely.

Also, exam strategies need to be practiced... ie use all exam time, to check you have read and answered the question, that the correct units have been used, + or - used correctly, that all questions have been answered (check exam paper for missed questions).

Honestly, I think many DC of this age have no idea how to study and it is so overwhelming that they shut down and give up.

I don't think it matters which path your DC chooses to take in life, university, college, apprenticeship or straight into the workplace, getting the best possible exam grades (for that person) is going to help them.

Good luck (I know how very difficult it can be)!

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