DS 16 (17 in May)....

[Lemonylemon]

Advice please. DS not allowed out late on pre-college nights (ie. Sunday & Monday). Can go out and about any other night. Only attends college 2 days a week but has got a 52% attendance rate for this academic year. Takes the money from me for fares though. Has left college early today to go to a friend's house.

He's not interested in finishing this course (which finishes in June) and I've been told this morning that the college are going to take steps to get him withdrawn from the course. The course isn't what he wants to do as a career, but he chose to do the course and it is only for a year.

SO, what I'm asking is - how many nights and how late do you think is reasonable for a 16yo? Money - I can't afford to fund his social life. He steals money from the house anyway, including his younger sister's money.

He will argue black is white and argue the toss until the cows come home.

Please be gentle - I'm a lone parent, DS's Dad having died when DS was little. Thank you.

Hi Lemony :) Sounds like you have your hands full there! I have a 17 year old so I know it can be tricky at their ages to know exactly how much rope to give them.

Now you'll get no judgment from me and I am certainly not even close to being a perfect parent. But, if my son was stealing from me, or his sister, or anyone else for that matter I would be dragging his butt to the nearest police station.

He sounds as though he's pretty much doing whatever he wants to so maybe you should play to that a bit. If he wants to act like a grown up; treat him like one. Stop giving him money, cooking for him, doing his laundry etc. Let him know that his choices are 1. Go get a job and earn money for the things he wants or 2. Go to college and as his 'wage' for that, you'll pay his way until he finishes.

Hi Lyllie: Many thanks for your reply. I came up with the plan that I would pay him to be our cleaner. So for 3 hours every week, he would have to clean the house top to bottom. This is only a new idea, but we'll see how that goes. Alternatively, I'll pay for his rail ticket at the station, not just give him the money.

His friend was arrested today for possession of cannabis. My DS was with him. He's sailing so, so close to the wind and will end up not getting the career that he wants..... :(

I have definitely taken your points on board - DS doesn't have his laundry done for him anyway - I refuse to negotiate his floordrobe.

Lemony that sounds like a great idea!

It sounds like he's at a bit of a fork in the road at the moment. hugs I saw a quote the other day "Raising teenagers is like trying to nail jello to the wall" So true lol

What does he want to do as a career?

"Raising teenagers is like trying to nail jello to the wall" Ain't that the truth! I'm worn out. He's more trouble than my DD who's 6.

lambrini He wants to go into the army...

My 17 yr old DD has to be in by 10pm on college nights (she has youth clubs two of those nights that finishes at 9.30pm). Other nights she can stay out later if she lets me know what time she will be home. She is not allowed to stay at friends houses on college nights either.

I cant fund her social life, she gets £10 a week from me for her lunches, but can take lunch from home if she wants. She gets a bursary each term and works out about £20 a week. To be honest she is no problem at the moment, was a nightmare at 14/15 think she got it out of her system.

My son is 20 now, he dropped out of college at 17, wouldn't do anything, drove me mad, ended up leaving home for a year, but he is back now doing an access course and going to uni in September just so you know there is hope for him!

get him into his local army cadets, they usually meet twice a week, free and free uniforms, only have to buy their boots. They also do weekends away, sleeping out, eating army rations, rifle shooting etc He can do this until he is 18. There is a 2 week camp during the summer where they go away to one of the army bases.

this is the link

Thank you all for your replies. Lambrini he's in the process of being interviewed for the army college in Harrogate, but it has taken about 6 months or so. You're all right, he's at that crossroads.

We had another long chat last night and something of chat this morning before I left the house. He dashed out of bed and ran down the stairs and gave me a big hug as I was leaving....