DD has no friends

[WolverineWolfy]

My 12 YO DD has almost no friends at school and frequently comes home and cries about it. Her 'best friend' has stopped talking to her, and has told everyone who she fancies, who she hates, and is spreading rumours about her. There is one girl beast in particular that trips her up, yells at her, and is generally just being horrible. I've tried telling the school, but they are just sitting on their arses and doing nothing about it. What should I do??

12 can be a tricky age. My DD's had similar friend issues at this age. Everyone still seemed to be sorting themselves out after primary school and meeting new people in high school - it's a time of transition and a lot of old friendships don't survive as they meet others they have more in common with.

Are there any girls that your DD likes/talks to/sits with in classes? Could you invite someone round for pizza and DVD etc. Is her 'best friend' someone from her primary school? She probably has nothing in common with her anymore. Does your DD go to any school clubs/activities? Does she go to anything out of school where she meets other girls?

My DD's were almost at the end of Year 8 before they settled down with a group of friends.

TBH I don't think there is an awful lot a school can do about the friend situation. They should be able to deal with the bullying but if it is just your DD's word against the bully's then it could be difficult. Can you speak to her form tutor - they should be able to advise you about their policies and what the school can do.

My DD had a similar situation. When she started in Year 7 she was happy, had a couple of friends from primary school in her class, and seemed to get on well with everyone. However, half way through the year my DD was sidelined in favour of a new girl. Things went from bad to worse and eventually, after I had to visit the school about bullying issues, I had her moved to another class. My DD is a lot happier now, and has made new friends, but because she's quite shy she does tend to feel left out from time to time and worries about whether people like her. No doubt, she worries (as do I) that it might happen again.

I would try and encourage her to do school clubs and activities, where she is more likely to meet different people who might share her interests. Particularly ones that run at lunchtime, when she might feel "alone."

Might also be worth trying something outside of school, where she will meet people from different schools. Something like guides, or drama or a sport.

I've tried that. Unfortunately she will only join a club if a friend is in it. She's quite musical so I've tried to encourage her to join the school orchestra or some other ensemble. Things are fairly ok at the moment so I'm not pushing!

Pianogirl I could have wrote your post, I have asked dd does she want me to get her moved to a different class but she says she's happy enough.

I think fernie is right and I've found dds friend is happy to leave her out so it means she's not the one getting left out iykwim.

Wolverine think its a case of going to the school and threatening further action

I had no friends at school at that age and I am still sad about it in a way. We moved house when I was 14 and at my new school I immediately made some really close friends who I still see most weeks 20 years later. I think all you can do is make it nice at home and try to wait it out - these things get easier as you get older I think.