DD planning to meet a girl off internet

[Toastandstrawberryjam]

A few months ago 16 year old DD asked if she could meet a girl from the internet who she had friended in a chat room. I said I would go too and sit at a table away from them in a coffee shop, my fear being that it would actually be a 40 year old man pretending to be a teenage girl. She got in a strop, said she wouldn't go and that I thought was the end of it.

Tonight I've had a very good friend contact me to tell me that my DD is on twitter talking about this girl. Who is apparently her girlfriend and how in love they are. They plan to meet for the first time next month.

Haven't confronted DD yet. Don't know how to. It being another girl I have no problem with but the plans to meet her I do. Where do I go from here. We don't have a close relationship unfortunately so aren't the type to have deep conversations.

You know, legally your dd could move out and do whatever she wanted. Online dating is a very popular thing for adults these days...

Why not let her go, but explain to her why you are worried (40 year old perv) and so to calm your nerves would she please call you 10 minutes after you've met up to confirm that the girl is who she said she was?

I would also make sure your dd knows that you have absolutely no problem with her being a lesbian, and it really is just her safety you are concerned about due to all the paedophiles in the news.

If you ban outright, she will go anyway - it's much better and safer to support but make compromises.

Maybe ask if one of her friends you trust could go with her too? Then the friend can let you know if anything is amiss.

I'd have a conversation about how some people on the internet aren't who they say they are.

And also that even adults on dating websites often take friends along to a first date 'just in case'.

Could you suggest she takes a friend or a few to sit on another table and leave once an actual girl has turned up rather than a 40 year old perv.

Well, how likely is your daughter to be hitting it off with a 43 old stubbly bloke called Gavinif that's what her internet girlfriend turns out to be? Can you trust her to be sensible?

I think you're not wrong talking to her about safety precautions, and meeting in a neutral place, from which she can easily escape is one of them. I can see how she's not happy about the idea of you sitting on the next table. Can you not trust her to master that meeting on her own, and withdraw if the friend turns out to be not who she thought she would.

I can see why you're worried (and my mum was worried when I first travelled to another country to meet my internet friend and I was in my 20ies. My family were fully expecting me to be slain by an axe murderer, not to enter a happy long term relationship, emigrate, get married and have two kids).

Talk to her about the risks, but take it from there. If she feels you trust her, it will make it easier for her to trust you.

I am trying to be sensible about this and I do know she's old enough to leave home. But she is incredibly naive (compared to most teenagers) not really streetwise at all and quite a loner.

So I would love to trust her own judgement but I'm not sure I can. I don't want to cause her to rebel and take risks anyhow but do want her to be safe.

Hi I am sorry that you are having worries regarding this issue, your thoughts are very valid and normal.

Here are some tips on ensuring that the girl your dd is planning to meet is infact a girl and not some 40 year old man/woman.

Do some research, google the name of this person, find out as much as you can about her, this is good internet 'dating' advise.

Does she have a internet name? Worth checking that out to.

This is not stalking, it is basic internet dating hygiene

I always advise people to let someone know where you (your dd)are planning to be, what time you are going to be home. Meet in a public place, never leave your drink unattended, have fully charged mobile and if possible have someone look in on you.

Ask her to text you when her date arrives and update on any movements.

I hope that your worries are unfounded.

I have been in this exact situation with my 16 yr old DD. They met in a half way city and while I was in the same city I didn't go to the same venue. I knew I could be there quickly in case things went wrong but all went well and they had a great time. I think it's much harder for gay teenagers to meet others and on line meet ups are more likely. My DD is very sensible though and has had years of lectures from me on the danger of meeting people off the Internet!

By this age I would try to instill the kind of behaviour I would adopt as an adult on a blind date: public place, friends/family knowing where I am going etc..

Get her to Skype with the girl first. That doesn't eliminate all potential risks, but it would reduce them if you she at least is sure there is a girl at the other end of these chats. Then still put in the safeguards for meeting a perfect stranger as suggested above.

If they won't Skype or FaceTime, I wouldn't let her go on her own, especially if she's rather naive.

Is there an older cousin or young aunt that could accompany her? It would be pretty embarrassing to go on a date with your mum.

I second the skypeing and if she needs convincing on that get her to watch a few episodes of 'catfish'

Lubeybooby - exactly!

Share your concerns, but just to say that DS met his girlfriend online and despite my misgivings, they met up (with her Dad in tow!) and are very happily together now...
Agree that Skype is excellent next move.