DD caught with drugs in school.

santasballsack · 2014-01-17T17:01:24+00:00

My eldests year head has just rung to say my DD has been searched and found in possession of a bag of marijuana. I am so shocked and upset. Shes on her way home now but I dont even know what to say to her im veering between crying and anger. School have said not to take her to school on monday and they will be in touch!

tiredlady · 17/01/2014 17:03

What a shock OP.
How old is your dd?

Original poster

santasballsack · 17/01/2014 19:16

Sorry for delay shes 14

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ThreeBeeOneGee · 17/01/2014 20:48

I'm trying to imagine how I would feel I received this phone call about DS1 (nearly 14).

I would feel completely shocked too, but would try to stay calm and keep communication open. I think with someone as young as 14, you do still have influence over her decisions. It might be a one-off lapse in judgement, it might be that she is in with a peer group where this is usual, or she might have been trying to impress someone.

Have you spoken with her yet?

Original poster

santasballsack · 17/01/2014 23:22

Shes gone up to bed now so can reply. We have had a long talk about it I know where she got it how etc but I cannot get through to her how bad this is! I have confiscated her phone/laptop etc closed down her facebook I have grounded her indefinitely. Im just so shocked, shes not a stupid kid or easily led I just dont know where I have gone wrong. Shes probably spoilt i know thats my fault. She was due to go on a bloody skiing trip to coon mountain abd a few days shopping in new york on a school trip next month but thats out of the window now.

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Original poster

santasballsack · 17/01/2014 23:23

Sorry for waffling on!

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longingforsomesleep · 18/01/2014 00:05

Santa - my youngest ds is 15 (year 10) and one of his friends was found to have weed in his bag (they were tipped off by a friend's parents). First offence so school excluded him for one week and then put him on 'internal exclusion' for a further 3 weeks (ie where they're allowed to come to school but have to sit with a teacher at break/lunch time).

This was about October last year and ds said the other day that he is still grounded by his parents. DS tells me that he is very contrite and says he'll never do it again (but then ds might just be saying this to reassure me of course as they are friends!).

You have my sympathies!

Claybury · 18/01/2014 10:51

I started a thread a few days ago about drugs in schools. There were several exclusions at my Dc's school last week for cannabis.
Did you know your DD smoked? If not that would have been a double shock for you.
I know my DS smokes, if he got caught in school I would not be shocked - I would be furious that he was stupid enough to take it into school.

My DD doesn't smoke and when her class mate was excluded permanently last week I talked to DD about how awful it would be to have to start at a new school in year 10 after exclusion , where you wouldn't know anyone - to most teens this would be a disaster.
Do you know how she was caught?
If I were you I would 1) have a honest drugs discussion with DD 2) check the school policy on drugs as to what action they will take ( look on website ) 3) investigate a local drug counselling service for young people
If it's possession and no evidence of dealing she may be be temporarily excluded ( maybe a week). I think she will come to realise how serious this is when school deals with her.
My DS sees the local drug counselling service, and school knows about this. So maybe school will be more lenient to your DD if she agrees to do something like this ? My DS had friends caught buying at the school gates and school didn't exclude them , they called in parents and had lots of talks - and the kids had to agree to see the counsellor for a few sessions.
Don't blame yourself , you have not gone wrong. It's far more commonplace than you probably think and it's not to do with the parenting. I say that as someone who is very anti drugs and my DS has been smoking since he was 13 .

Original poster

santasballsack · 18/01/2014 13:28

Thanks claybury I read your thread and was going to comment on the end but didnt want to derail your thread iykwim. I had an idea she was smoking but she had assured me she wasnt gullible ive looked on the school website but cannot find a policy so will have to wait see what school says on monday :( thank you all for your advice and support I feel like the worst parent ever!

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Original poster

santasballsack · 18/01/2014 13:34

Thanks claybury I read your thread and was going to comment on the end but didnt want to derail your thread iykwim. I had an idea she was smoking but she had assured me she wasnt gullible ive looked on the school website but cannot find a policy so will have to wait see what school says on monday :( thank you all for your advice and support I feel like the worst parent ever!

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Original poster

santasballsack · 18/01/2014 13:34

Thanks claybury I read your thread and was going to comment on the end but didnt want to derail your thread iykwim. I had an idea she was smoking but she had assured me she wasnt gullible ive looked on the school website but cannot find a policy so will have to wait see what school says on monday :( thank you all for your advice and support I feel like the worst parent ever!

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/01/2014 13:38

You are NOT the worst parent ever! If you were, you wouldn't be worrying about how to deal with this, you wouldn't have bothered when the school phoned, and you wouldn't have done the things you have done already to deal with the issue.

On the contrary - your reaction to this shows you to be a good parent, coping with a difficult situation - and coping well, I might add!

Original poster

santasballsack · 18/01/2014 21:31

Thank you SDT I guess its just an uphill battle at the moment, but I can't do anything until I know what action school are taking so im just having a major sulk today!

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santasballsack · 20/01/2014 14:17

Update! School are excluding her for 10 days 5 of which to be spent at another school in isolation. Apparently there were 3 involved in the incident who have all been dealt with appropriately

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NigellasDealer · 20/01/2014 14:21

santa you are not alone - they are literally all at it, trust me.
are the school calling the police in?
if not then your dd has had a lucky escape you must tell her.
you are absolutely NOT the worst parent ever, i know of one round here who , for their kid's 14th birthday, got them an ounce of weed, a tin bx, a kind size pack of rizlas and a bong. so stick that in your pipe and smoke it!!
try not to worry too much, this will all pass.

Claybury · 20/01/2014 15:17

If you were feeling positive you might think it's good for her that she got caught so young. It might stop her dabbling. She probably needs to realise the punishment will be much worse next time. How has she reacted ? Another school in isolation sounds quite traumatic ( and a good thing too!)
My DS has never been caught AFAIK and we have not been able to stop him smoking weed for 3 years.
We sort of wish he would be caught .....
Nigella - that is simply awful. I'm told parents round here are complicit but that's ridiculous.

NigellasDealer · 20/01/2014 15:21

I know I was truly shocked and I turn a blind eye myself on occasion.....

PeterParkerSays · 20/01/2014 15:27

Stress to her that if she does this at 18, she won't be able to travel to New York at all, because a drugs conviction will render her ineligible for a visa. It could also impact on her job prospects if she wanted to work with vulnerable people or children.

Does she get how big a deal this is? Also, do you know how big a bag we're talking about - is there any suggestion that she was dealing, or was it just for personal use?

santasballsackisnolonger · 29/01/2014 13:02

Sorry for delay in replying! It was a very small amount im told and to be honest she only had a fiver so I dont think she could have had much at all.