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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Court case ds

17 replies

Notinchelse · 15/01/2014 21:47

My son is 23, not a teen but i couldn't find a thread for our dear adult children. He is in court soon on a serious charge and i have given him loads of help/ support but have a v long standing hol booked for when he is in court. Everyone is telling me to go but i know i will feel terrible and will also be v anxious if I'm not in court. My hol has incidentally cost over a grand. What do you all think? Btw he didn't do it

OP posts:
MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 15/01/2014 23:20

Well logically..does you being there, affect the outcome? No. Will it make any difference to him at the actual moment? Probably not because he is going to be nervous as hell whatever (and I suspect having mum there, worried sick might actually make that worse!) Is he an adult.. yes.
At 23 he is old enough to face whatever he is facing AS an adult.

You didn't cause the court case and couldn't have anticipated that it would clash with a holiday and he is a grownup. Whether he did it or not is up to the court to decide and hopefully he will be found not guilty.

Personally..and I say this as the mother of three adult children.. I think you should go on holiday, try and enjoy it..he can ring you afterwards. At 23 he truly is an adult and should cope.

winterkills · 16/01/2014 17:10

I think only you can decide this OP, it must be a terrible worry. I personally would want to be there.

SecretRed · 16/01/2014 17:15

I think I would want to be there if it was me. If you're DS is on court for a crime he is innocent of then he will be terrified and need everyone to rally round and be there for him.

Tinkertaylor1 · 16/01/2014 17:19

Is there a chance of a custodial sentence?

If it was my dd and I knew she didn't do it, I would be there.

EloiseintheSun · 16/01/2014 19:38

Yours is a very special case. Could you - and this may be a daft suggestion - get any of the money back (holiday company?) on compassionate grounds? Failing that, insurance claim?

You must be so anxious. Whatever you decide to do, make sure that you look after yourself and treat yourself at the first available opportunity.

Personally, I guess I'd be in court. Having you there may well make a big difference to his confidence and ability to cope with this ordeal. And perhaps it would indicate to the powers that be that your DS has support and is believed in. I don't know - but whatever happens, I wish you and your DS a good outcome in all of this.

wakemeupnow · 17/01/2014 19:32

I think if it were my Ds It would depend on whether I thought him innocent or not. If I felt he was I'd stay and support him. If I knew he'd done the crime and was probably going to be found guilty I might be more tempted to go on holiday and let him deal with court on his own.

NatashaBee · 17/01/2014 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadIsTheNewNormal · 17/01/2014 19:45

If it were me I would notbe able to go - especially not if I honestly thought he didn't do it. I would not be able to stand not being there.

kslatts · 17/01/2014 20:41

I think I would stay and support him, depending on how serious it is. If he could be facing a custodial sentence, I don't think you would be able to enjoy your holiday anyway.

edamsavestheday · 17/01/2014 20:43

I would stay. Think this is one time he really does need you.

longingforsomesleep · 18/01/2014 00:29

Sorry but I would 100% stay - whether I believed him innocent or guilty. There may be nothing practical you can do but if it was me I would want him to see me in court and make him aware that he has my full support (as I say - whether innocent or guilty).

I wouldn't be able to enjoy the holiday anyway.

As suggested up thread, is there any chance you could get a refund on your holiday insurance?

Original poster
Notinchelse · 23/01/2014 12:51

Thanks so much all of you. Yes I can't bear to go away though 'everyone' ie his dad, my partner etc says I must, but they don't seem to understand how terrible I feel about not being there. In theory he could get a custodial if found guilty, however he has no previous convictions so unlikely but I could never forgive myself if that happened and I wasn't there. I think I want to stay for me as much as him, which as many have said, is perfectly valid. Thanks to you all x

OP posts:
winterkills · 23/01/2014 16:21

Good luck to both of you, I hope it turns out well Flowers

Chopsypie · 23/01/2014 16:25

My DH was given a custodial sentence for a minor charge with no previous convictions. His lawyer and pre sentence report all said it would be community service. I didn't go and regretted it massively that I wasn't there to support him.

Original poster
Notinchelse · 23/01/2014 16:59

Thank you Chopsypie and winterkills - Chopsypie I am SO sorry to hear this, I'm telling you my heart goes out to you. this has all convinced me to be there.

OP posts:
edamsavestheday · 23/01/2014 22:48

notinchelse, I hope it all goes OK.

EloiseintheSun · 24/01/2014 18:54

I, too, hope it all goes OK for your DS and indeed for you. Your being there will be an enormous source of support and encouragement for him.

Have you thought more about trying to reclaim some of the costs of the holiday? This is a very special and totally unexpected set of circumstances.

Thinking of you both.

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