Fighting teen boys - what now?

[BettyBotter]

Ds1 and 2 (17 and 15) had a major full on fight last night. It started in typical family argument way about virtually nothing (clean school uniform actually ), ds1 winds up ds2, ds2 loses his cool etc) and ended with both boys punching and wrestling on the floor, furniture crashing etc

It's the first proper physical fight they've had since they were small enough for me to grab one each and keep them separated. They normally get on well-ish with the usual witty banter but this time they were really out of control and could have seriously damaged each other. They've both ended up with some cuts and bruises but no serious damage, thank god.

We've spoken to both today about the seriousness of physical violence, that we would call the police if we couldn't stop them fighting and that they are both well above the age of criminal responsibility etc, but neither seem very bothered. Ds2 was most indignant that his punishment (like ds1) was washing his own uniform and losing x box time his only weak point .

So, what now - more punishment to rub it in? Leave it there and hope it was a once-off? Is this normal teen brother behaviour or off-the-scale terrible?

Ideas and help please!

That must have been awful for you.

I'm afraid I don't really have any ideas - this is a bump really - although my 'advice' would be to try to get your boys to have as healthy a lifestyle as possible, especially to get exercise and eat reasonably healthily to help manage their moods. But that's easy to say....

Do you think they have a serious problem with each other that might be helped by being listened to? Does one think he's treated unfairly or feel in the shadow of the other?

Teenage boys? No weapons, nothing below the belt, no biting in the clinches and no gouging, and take it outside, lads. Let 'em knock some sense into each other. They'll pound the stupid out of each other and feel better for it.

And then you administer horrible punishments involving a great deal of hard chore-like work for disturbing your personal peace. The next time they feel like scrapping they'll remember the cuts and bruises from the fight and see your eager expression at getting a month's housework done and maybe explore a less physical mode of discussion.

And it won't be 'about' anything. Two teenage males in a confined space will fight over whether black is white or green is no colour at all. It's the hormones talking.

It sounds like you have more than one teenage boy Kisses. I have one of each.

I find the idea of physical fighting upsetting - but as I've said, I don't have more than one.

i was a teenage boy. My brother and I get on really well now, twenty years later. At the time? Walloped seven sorts of shite out of each other, regular. Learned not to do it in the house, is all.

I have two of my own now, fortunately one of them is Aspergers and so doesn't really grok interpersonal conflict. It's DS2 and DD that fight like cats in a sack. And since DD is about a third the mass of DS2, she fights dirty. It makes my heart swell with pride to see.

"It makes my heart swell with pride to see."

Thanks for the answers.

Dubious about your idea, kisses , that we let them knock 7 bells out of each other, though. If they behaved like this out and about they'd be in deep trouble. Good to hear its normal though

Sounds like the general 'peace and reconciliation plus housework' is the way forward.

My 2 fight over anything, and, as twins, always have done, but it is definitely worse now, they are now getting to the point that they can really hurt each other, and also damage the house and furniture around them. I try to stop it, but when they are in gull teenage, hormonal rage, it is almost impossible! I have to wait until it is over, and then punish. This normally involves xbox ban and getting them to clean up, with extensions on the ban if they dont do what I ask.

Me and dsis used to fight like 'cats in a sack' I think it was to do with frustration more over how we viewed the other was treated better in some way by parents.
We get on so well now, I'd die before I saw her hurt.
If it was a one off I'd talk to them separately - they probably feel a bit ashamed anyway, empathise with each over how it started, tell them how distressing it was to see. Ask if this is how they are going to settle problems from now on, with girlfriends, with you, ect. Might make them think twice.
Violence is never the answer but anger is a powerful emotion, and valid, just needs to be directed better.
I think just talking a lot, diverting things before they get to flashpoint, will help, give them both a place to go or retreat to to self soothe .. teens really are like toddlers but huge so like a time out, go for a walk, remove one of them from the situation, nip any antagonising shit in the bud before it kicks off, you should be able to pick up those signs with half decent observational skills

Worst comes to the worst and you're there, most things stop fighting with a bucket of cold water over them