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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

15 year old too young to be left alone?

52 replies

StellaBrillante · 13/01/2014 14:47

Good afternoon all,
DP and I are going away for 5 days and I am debating whether to leave DS by himself for 3 days. I can make arrangements for him to stay with friends but I am wondering whether this would be the ideal opportunity for him to prove himself. He can be very sensible and responsible (and productive) when he has to but we've been struggling with his apparent resistance to do what is expected of him when I am around. In his own words "I don't have to worry about it as I know that you'll remind me / tell me off" - which quite frankly, I found infuriating!!!
It goes without saying that DS has suggested so himself on a couple of occasions but I was quick to dismiss the idea. However, this may be a way of getting him to step up to the mark? Either that or me ending up being prosecuted (I can already see the headlines) and him taken into care??? Any thoughts or experiences to share?
Thank you

OP posts:

BananaNotPeelingWell · 13/01/2014 15:18

My 15 yr old is v sensible and I do leave her at home for an afternoon or a few hours, she quite likes it I think - a bit of peace and quiet. But I wouldn't leave her overnight alone at this age and def not for days at a time. I think she'd be lonely and at night a bit nervous.

TheAwfulDaughter · 13/01/2014 15:19

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

StellaBrillante · 13/01/2014 15:22

Thank you all for your responses!

DS has been undergoing intensive training for a while so in terms of practicalities, he can cook, wash, does his share of house chores, shop and has been looking after his own little bank account for a couple of years now. Also, he's already on his second - over 12 months delivering newspapers and now serving customers at a posh cafe at the weekends.

When a friend (who incidentally used to be a head teacher of a large comprehensive) looked after DS for a couple of days, his feedback was the DS was so switched on that it had felt more like 'house-sitting'. Of course, that doesn't detract from the reality that it's a young teenage boy we are talking about and one which could be persuaded to throw a midweek party, open to virtually anyone on Facebook and Twitter combined (plus all other social media available).

OP posts:

ashtrayheart · 13/01/2014 15:25

The last time we went away and left ds (14) he had to stay at his nearby Nan's overnight but I let him be at home in the daytime. So he slept there but got up early and walked home alone, so really he would have been safer sleeping at home! We are going away again soon for 3 nights and he will be 15, so I'm tempted to let him stay home. He is sensible though and very anti social so no worries of friends coming over etc.

BackforGood · 13/01/2014 15:25

I wouldn't, and I'm pretty laid back.
I have no worries that they couldn't cook for themselves, etc., but it only takes one friend to mention to another who mentions it to another... that your house is empty that weekend.

princessalbert · 13/01/2014 15:30

I say 3 nights may be too long.

My DS has just turned 16. Last summer we left him overnight, but just one night. We were only just over an hours drive away. In an emergency he could have called his dad, or aunt who could have been there in 10 mins.

I totally trust him not to go wild. He would just watch tv, be glued to laptop and eat beans.

But I have chatted about this with him, and he agrees with me that at the moment he wouldn't feel comfortable being alone for more than one night.

I was left a lot at that age, but I was more mature (and I had a big dog with me!)

hellsbells99 · 13/01/2014 15:32

In my head 15 seems too young, but I would leave a 16 year old overnight (depending on the child). I know this is not exactly logical as they don't suddenly 'grow up' on their 16th birthday! I also wouldn't want to leave them alone. My 16 year old has stayed overnight at a friends when her parents were away. DD2 (15) has had sleepovers at friends where their parents are out until very late. I am leaving them both at home together 'alone' for a weekend soon but the eldest will be 17 then and the youngest 16 so it doesn't feel too bad.

SnakeyMcBadass · 13/01/2014 15:39

My DS is 13, very mature and sensible, but I still can't imagine doing this in 2 years. I do leave him at home for a few hours now, but I wouldn't leave him over night. I just think it's too much responsibility, and at 15 I'd have been awake all night convinced I was about to be murdered. Three days seems like a very long time for a 15 year old to be on their own.

JourneyThroughLife · 13/01/2014 15:41

I would. But it depends on the child. I left my daughter on her own for a week when she was 14. She'd already gone overseas on her own at 13 and she promised me she would be fine. She was already getting up herself, making her own breakfast, locking up the house and unlocking in the evening after school to cook her own dinner (that's because I was working long hours as a single parent and left early and came back late at the time).
I was going away to France for a week. I was worried and made arrangements for her to at least sleep over at a friend's, but when I came home I found she'd refused to stay at the friend's and had just lived on her own for a week, which she says she preferred.
But we did live in the countryside where it was very safe, and she wasn't the sort of girl to invite masses of friends around to have a party in my absence...so it definitely depends upon the child.

Starballbunny · 13/01/2014 15:42

I'm certain DD1 would do a night or two, but then I think she'd feel lonely. We live in the sticks, no public transport, no friends nearby. She's stayed with a group of 16y friends without an adult no bother.

She turns 16 very soon and DD13 and in an emergency I'd leave them over night. DD2 often stays on her own and for 24hrs they could be trusted not to fight. More than that possibly not.

LineRunner · 13/01/2014 15:43

The NSPCC issues its own guidance, which many feel is restrictive and cossetting - and impractical.

The law is less restrictive - it's the parents call, basically, but they can be prosecuted if they leave a child in danger. The CPS and a court would have to look at all the circumstances such as age of the child, if the child was likely to be frightened or hurt, if the child had food and the means to contact friends and relatives, for example.

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs · 13/01/2014 15:53

I would have been scared in the house by myself overnight at 15.

intheround · 13/01/2014 15:57

Your decision is based on 2 questions:

Does he feel comfortable being left for that length of time?
Do you trust him?

if the answer to either of these is no, then I wouldn't do it.

LineRunner · 13/01/2014 16:00

My son (15) would love it. Like others', he would watch tv, go on his lap top and x box, and eat crap.

He already gets himself up for school, showers and gets his own breakfast, washes up after school, feeds the cats, and washes his uniform at weekends. In fact he's better than me on the domestic front.

Brodicea · 13/01/2014 16:03

Overnight I would say is OK personally if he's the sort who makes his own dinner and sorts himself out, but not for three days.

He will most probably have a party, and/or spend the whole time watching porn (my two cents anyway)!

MissScatterbrain · 13/01/2014 17:31

No way!

Its unfair to make them responsible for the house & general security - what if there was a break in? a fire?

Travelledtheworld · 13/01/2014 18:06

I left mine overnight last year for one night, when I had to go away for work. They were 13 and 14. They were absolutely fine and fed themselves got themselves to bed and were up and ready for school at the usual time. I did tell the next door neighbour who was happy to intervene or help out if any problems.

I did suggest getting a neighbours daughter ( 21 ) to come and sleep over with them, but they flatly refused to have her.

Dd now 15 would probably be happy if I did leave her alone for several days, but I wouldn't, just in case something went wrong.

rpitchfo · 13/01/2014 18:08

I was, but this was before Facebook.

whois · 13/01/2014 22:50

I was left for maybe two nights at 15, not three though, and for one night from a bit earlier.

I wasn't the kind of person to have rowdy friends over and I was pretty sensible and trustworthy. Mum would always leave food for me (oven pizza, that 3 min filled pasta and a microwave sauce, that kind of thing) and make sure I Jew what to do if anything happened.

Sometimes I had a prearranged friend stay too. We would just eat the pizza and watch TV and chat.

However I actually liked being on my own in the house, some people wouldn't like it.

So totally up to you and if you think your Ds would like it and be sensible.

Eastpoint · 13/01/2014 22:55

I wouldn't. Can't he go & stay with friends? We've had children come and stay with us for a few days while their parents are away.

LynetteScavo · 13/01/2014 22:56

My DS sounds like LineRunner's.

I wouldn't leave him for 5 days, though.

Catsmamma · 13/01/2014 23:04

I think three nights is too long for a first time tbh

we left all three for one night the first time, ds1 was 19 (uni, driving vair sensible) dd was 16, also sensible and ds2 was 14 (.... when given unlimited console use is no bother)

we went mid morning, stayed one night and got back next day late afternoon...all was well, and they had supper under control!

I think we left ds1 on his own for a weekend at 18, he had a friend over and apart from finding sweetie papers hurled about the sitting room all as well then too

Having said that we often said when the ILs or my mum came to mind them that they were purely there to prevent me being pilloried in the Daily HateMail should anything dreadful happen. My mother is hopeless in a crisis, can't use the range, or light the fires, work the ansamachine or the heating.

Sooooo to sum up, I'd certainly leave him, but maybe not all on his own for the whole time, but from your later post he seems to be able to manage to feed and ten to himself. WOuld the house sitting HT be available for a day or two inthe middle??

LineRunner · 13/01/2014 23:06

I know - it's the length of time, really.

Oh, and do not expect to come back to a clean toilet. Just saying.

Saharap2 · 13/01/2014 23:08

I would be fine with this and I'm actually very surprised by all the responses. A 15 year old is definitely old enough IMO!

Craggyhollow · 14/01/2014 08:40

Me too. He sounds a sensible boy. There's no law or even govt guidelines btw

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