Help needed to heal a rift with 16 yr old

[hmacg]

My son, the eldest of two, is 16 and is becoming increasingly difficult to live with. He uses vile language in general and sometimes aimed at myself and his Dad, he doesn't talk, is very aggressive and increasingly isolated in his room. he is a perfectly charming, pleasant and driven young man outside the house , did well at school and is currently a FT apprentice in the travel industry. He doesnt seem to want us in his life and I feel I am losing him more each day. Please help

Hello.
Apart from the aggression, what you describe sounds quite normal. It is hard to deal with, but it is natural for teenagers to distance themselves, and even to be unpleasant, as they grow older. Your child(ren) need to separate emotionally from you, and csome

Oops, sorry...
... Some of them seem to do that by being horrible, making life at home difficult, and convincing themselves they don't need you.

You might find this book useful and interesting.

The aggression is different. Is he 'just' rude, or is he intimidating or threatening?

He's 16, almost 18. But in my eyes a 16 year old is already a young adult. They want to have their own lives. Same as we want to have ours.

He should show some respect towards you both. But do you do the same to him?

Let him go. Let him have his own life and live it the way he wants to live it.

The trouble with that, profile, is that even if 16 is 'already an adult' in your eyes, s/he is not in the eyes of the state. 16yos can't rent accommodation because they can't legally hold a tenancy, are unlikely to get work, often can't sign on, and will only get £56.80 if they can. So if you throw your 16yo child out, you have to be prepared to 'let them' be homeless and live on very little.

He comes in, doesn't speak to us or answer us, takes a few bites of his dinner and leaves it......swears constantly.
Really getting us down

Presumably the swearing has been going on for a while and hasn't been stopped when he was younger. Does anyone else in the house swear? If nobody else does then you would be well within your rights to tell him to mind his language.

It sounds like he is treating the house like a hotel and isn't even bothering with basic manners. My advice would be a big sit down with DS, you and DH with you calmly setting out some ground rules. Is DH on the same page as you regarding DS's behavior? You will both need to be consistent and firm, but don't be petty with the rules or it will not work.