alcohol in 16 yr olds room

[febel]

Ok, thanks for all your help and advice with 16 yr old daughter, both with aggression, temper and internet etc! For the second or third time found an empty bottle of cider in her room...was alerted cos she had a bottle opener on her drawers, when I asked her about it she said she'd won it in a cracker. (she lies VERY well) Her dad had tackled her about the fact she was on internet and phone in early hours a lot and I had calmed her down when she erupted over it. But again...lack of trust rears its ugly head. It's not that I strongly disapprove of her having alcohol, it's the fact she ' s drinking it alone in her room, and lying about it.
Am at the end of my tether, phoned a helpline and been in tears , just feel such a failure with her.

I think it's probably just a bit of experimentation.
What does it taste like? What does it feel like to be drunk? How much do I need to drink to feel drunk? That sort of thing.
The other reason could be that she is feeling a bit unhappy and is trying to 'escape' her feelings. -God knows I wouldn't ever want to go through my teenage years again!
Have you talked about alcohol use and misuse before? If you haven't I wouldn't do it now, because there is a chance you may not be so calm and rational and she may not feel like talking if she feels she's being accused.

I remember my Mum trying to talk with me when I was about 16 and I thought she was being such a melodramatic twat! Needles to say, it didn't go well. A male friend of hers, who I got on well with offered to have a word with me instead. That went much better and I remember his advice to this day!

Do you and your husband drink in front of her?

Chin up x

I really don't think drinking at 16 is a problem, but the fact she's drinking alone in private and secret is quite sad really.

I think you need to make drinking more normal in fact - not a deviant behaviour but something responsible adults can enjoy together.

Why not cook a family meal on a Friday night and all drink a bottle of wine together?

Have to say though I've not read your other threads. This approach may not be appropriate for deeper issues of escapism.

But if this is just a teenager wondering what drinking and being drunk is like, I stand my by original post.

Yes, in answer to your question we do drink in front of her, always have, and offer her it, I'm not against alcohol per say (god forbid!) but don't think at 16 she should be drinking it alone in her room (and hiding the evidence) we have talked about drink etc and moderation in an informal way ...and I do worry that it is a deeper problem and she is unhappy. Since she has started at college she has changed a lot, I don't know who she mixes with (not that one necessarily would at 16) but lately get the impression their influence isn't good. She has recently boasted about the fact she is "no light weight" where drink is concerned (but sadly neither was I until recently in the fact I never got a hangover and could hold my drink well as a younger person!) but I still think a lot of it is talk. It is the deception and drinking alone I have a problem with
Who'd be a mum of a teenager?!!!

I think the problem now a days is that we treat teenagers as if they were kids. They aren't. They are grownups.
Not that long ago 'kids' went from the age of 12 to work. Think about the mines in Cornwall. Girls got married somewhere between their 15th and 20th year and not soon after that they became a mother themselves.

That was all normal and now they are kids?
Just let go of it. I think the more fuss you make about it the bigger the problem becomes.
But with being a young adult and making choices also comes the responsibility that comes with those choices.

Alcohol, not just say, but show her what it does to a body. See if you can find people who used to be alcoholics and see if they want to have a chat with her. See if she or together you can help out in a shelter. Most of them are addicts to alcohol, drugs or both.

Apart from that, don't make a fuss about it. If she wants to drink... fine
If she doesn't and want to concentrate on school. Make sure you support her in it and that she feels you're 100% behind her.

Imagine that you have someone in your house all day and pointing out what you do wrong. Would you be motivated to change things? Or would you continue to do the wrong stuff?
What if the other doesn't care what you do. Would you then not sooner think for yourself and do what's best? And then getting lot's of positive attention. Would that not influence you more to keep on doing that's what's right to do?