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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

15 year old DD wants boyfriend to sleepover

19 replies

Bronte · 30/12/2013 11:03

Considering she was expecting him to share her double bed my first response is an emphatic no.
Any other parents out there who've had to handle this hurdle??

OP posts:

AMumInScotland · 30/12/2013 11:13

Not had to handle this myself, but if your first reaction is an emphatic no then stick to your guns!

Even if you like this boyfriend and don't have any major concerns about how far they will go (which is likely to be a long way given a whole night in a double bed, IMHO) you also set a precedent for every other boyfriend she ever has.

Say no. When she has daughters of her own, she'll understand.

specialsubject · 30/12/2013 11:19

say no - your house - but make sure she is on the pill AND using condoms. Because if they aren't doing it in your house, they are doing it somewhere.

also if he isn't very close to her in age he is risking assault charges.

princessalbert · 30/12/2013 11:21

A definite NO from me too.

I don't have DDs, I do have a 15 yo DS. However I have been a 15 yo girl.

She is just trying her luck with you. Even if it was totally innocent - as said up thread you are setting the precedent that she can bring every subsequent boyfriend back home for sleepovers/sexytime.

mrshap · 30/12/2013 11:22

We have bf staying but we have a bed settee no sharing beds here. Bf stays as we very rural an logistics of getting home again not easy, if we where closer to town I doubt he would be stopping.

noddyholder · 30/12/2013 11:26

I would allow with a few guidelines.

Cerisier · 30/12/2013 11:28

Not appropriate at 15 surely. They are likely to get carried away and the repercussions could be awful. It is illegal at that age and could backfire horribly.

There is no way we would sanction this for our DD15. We are ok with DD18 going off on holiday with BF next summer and sharing a room, sleepovers have never been mentioned as they know what the answer would have been. Actually DB's parents would have never have allowed it either, it isn't just us.

Do DD's BF's parents know what they are planning? They might not be very happy.

SirChenjin · 30/12/2013 11:28

Yes - 16 year old DS asked recently if his 16 year old GF could have a 'sleepover', and apparently they 'wouldn't do anything'. GF lives a 15 minute walk away through residential streets.

My complete answer was "no".

usualsuspect · 30/12/2013 11:30

I would let him stay over , not in her bed though

merryxmasyafilthyanimal · 30/12/2013 11:40

At 15 I was having sex with my bf. Park bench, car... If she's not doing it at home it will be elsewhere.

Original poster

Bronte · 30/12/2013 12:16

thanks for all your messages. She hasn't mentioned it for a few days so maybe she was just trying it on anyway...
Will stick to my guns though!

OP posts:

ExcuseTypos · 30/12/2013 12:21

Not necessarily merry I didn't, neither did my 2 DDs. (Now 20 and 23)

I'd say no also. I would let him stay on the sofa, but no way in her bedroom.

AlaskaNebraska · 30/12/2013 12:22

No way. 15

ggirl · 30/12/2013 12:23

bloody hell no way

Xfirefly · 30/12/2013 12:26

yeah make sure you stick with it. sounds like she was just testing. i personal wouldnt allow it . a bf could stay over when they're 16 but not in same beds.

DP wasn't allowed to stay over until 19.

SuperiorCat · 30/12/2013 12:27

Another no here. Agree re setting precedent.

Helpyourself · 30/12/2013 12:30

No.

This sort of question shouldn't be coming out of the blue though. How long have they been dating? Have you met him? Does she sleep over at his? Is he the first boyfriend, how old is he, is she on contraceptives etc.
Mine are 15 and 17 and it's not come up yet, but I'd expect a slow build up of meeting him, discussions about contraceptives first.
Then I'd probably still say no!

chocolatespiders · 30/12/2013 12:30

It would not bother me as I think if they are going to have sex they will do it anywhere anytime just as I did when I was 15 I would rather know where she is and that she is safe.

You need to have the chat, dd is 16 and on the pill but needs to protect from STD's so she nows condoms are a must.

imip · 30/12/2013 12:31

I think at that age, if they want to have sex, they'll find a way. HOWEVER, I don't think you should make it easy for them . I'd let him stay over, not in the same room. I'd stay up late and make sure it would be difficult to get a chance to be alone.

While at that age they may be ready for sex, they are not ready for all that a full-on relationship entails. E.g., sharing a bed with another person, lack of sleep because they are having sex at night. Etc etc. I have 4 dds, all 7 and under. In my mind, I will let them have boyfriends stay, but not in the same room until they are university age.

And a good chat about contraception! Good luck!

moominleigh94 · 05/01/2014 14:22

No. My parents allowed my boyfriend to stay over and share a bed with me at 16 - I'm now pregnant at 19, and although they're excited and happy now that the shock was worn off, they both feel that they carry some of the guilt for it because they allowed him to stay over, and for me to stay at his. I've tried reassuring them that it could've happened regardless; we would've found a way to do it anyway (left out the fact that the conception didn't happen at their house, felt that was maybe TMI for them at the time ) - but they felt a lot of guilt, and my dad is still struggling with it.

I agree that you are right to say no - they will do it anyway, but that doesn't mean you need to make it easy for them. Talk to her about contraception etc - my parents did that but clearly it didn't work . Saying no means you will hopefully be spared the guilt my parents felt should, (touch wood and fingers crossed that it doesn't), anything untoward or unplanned happen.

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