11 yr old DS becoming really defiant

[Namechangedandhere]

Just posted in chat and advised to post here.

That's it really. Am LP of 3 dc's the eldest who turned 11 is becoming really defiant. When I ask him to do something he just looks me in the face and says no.

He has started slamming doors as well, I know it's prob age but I have no idea how to handle it.

He never sees his dad ever so it's just me, the other day he kicked me. His father was very violent towards me when he was very young. I'm worried that somehow that has made him think it's ok.

I'm rambling now, just don't know how to stop this escalating.

Thanks xx

I just came here to post similar! DS is also 11 (12 in feb)

DS is driving me insane! lying, pushing the middle boy around, shitty attitude, speaking to people like crap. I lost it with him this morning and told him I will not have ANY form of bullying under my roof and if he so much as looks at DS2 in the wrong way again I will come down on him like a tonne of bricks.

He used to be so lovely :( such a polite boy as well.

I would say just be persistant, Ive taken away DS's mobile phone and xbox over the last two days and he knows he will not get them back until his behaviour improves sharpish.

I would have a chat to him about the violence he witnessed against you. Does he think it's ok? Does he realise how disrespectful he's being? I would give him the opportunity to be grown up about it. After that, if he slams a door I would storm after him and rage 'you do not slam doors in MY house!!'
And as for kicking you, I'm afraid I would be imposing a pretty severe punishment for that. He needs to have more respect for you and that will only come by being kind but very very firm with him. Good luck

Completely unacceptable.....but you know that.

How did your ds react after he kicked you? How did you react? Did you talk about it later, or were there consequences?

Last question, and I know this could be a touchy one: has smacking been a part of how your ds has been disciplined? Not asking to be judgmental, just wondering why he might see that as one way of dealing with anger/frustration.

My ds is also 11, soon to be 12 in the next couple of days. Very similar experience here too. We've had some examples of lying which he knows I find completely abhorrent. I've been cross with him but explained when I'd calmed down that I'm trying to be a good parent and to help him to understand that lying, cheating, stealing (and shouting at your mother ) is completely unacceptable.

To handle it? Can you ignore the outbursts until everyone has calmed down enough to talk about it rationally? I know that rational conversations with a 11-year old DS are rare tho!

I agree that it's never acceptable for him to hit you and an immediate punishment (removal of treats) is probably warranted.

Good luck!