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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

can i have a bit of a cry?

19 replies

5OBalesofHay · 29/12/2013 21:44

Dh and I have brought up our grandchildren since they were toddlers. They are now 13 & 14. Their mother refuses to have anything to do with them since Gd got pregnant last year whilst staying with her in summer hols. Their
father (my son) his partner and their child have just moved to France. So I know they are feeling abandoned.

This is really pathetic of me, but I'm really upset that Gd has put on facebook that her baby is now her only family. I was with her at the birth, and through the last 9 months have helped her grow into motherhood. I was looking after her baby while she was posting it.

I know its not about me, bit it just feels like everything has been thrown back in my face. Rationally I get its about feeling abandoned by parents, but I'm just feeling hurt. Tell me to stop being over sensitive please (but I'm a bit raw so gentle would help)

Fucking FacebookAngry

OP posts:
93pjb · 29/12/2013 22:12

OP you sound like an amazing grandparent helping your Gd cope with a pretty overwhelming situation.

She's still a teenager, she's a new mum and both her parents have rejected her - what an awful lot she has to cope with at such a young age.

Teenagers are mostly incapable of empathy, particularly where their carers are concerned, and she is dealing with such a lot at the moment.

It sounds like you are her rock and if she had any idea at all how that status made you feel she'd be horrified.

It must be tough for you too - no wonder you are feeling upset but I'm sure she doesn't mean it and probably needs you more than ever right now.

Original poster
5OBalesofHay · 29/12/2013 22:21

Thank you, I know I'm just being a bit sensitive. It's just hurt, good to get it offy chest here!

OP posts:
DwellsUndertheSink · 29/12/2013 22:26

put "thanks for that" as a reply. she will realise in horror what she has written.

RRudolphR · 29/12/2013 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomMess · 29/12/2013 22:30

Hugs, my teen dd writes some very insensitive and hurtful things on FB.

In time she will recognise your true position in her life, she is probably just taking your unfailing love and support for granted at the moment because that's what grandparents do!

Original poster
5OBalesofHay · 29/12/2013 22:32

Dwells, if I put that would other people see it?

OP posts:
Howstricks · 29/12/2013 22:34

I remember being that age and making sweeping dramatic comments at the cost of everyones feelings...my own dd is capable of the same..keep up the good work...well done on being there for them all..you sound like soneone very special.

ReluctantBeing · 29/12/2013 22:37

Don't put that! Other people will see it and it will cause a rift. Give your gd a hug, tell her you love her and will always be her family.

Howstricks · 29/12/2013 22:37

I personally wouldn't engage in any facebook banter. We communicate so much better in person and facebook comments can be so often taken wrongly..i very much dislike the site.

Original poster
5OBalesofHay · 29/12/2013 22:41

Thank you Random, I do often say to dh that the reason they take us for granted is because they can rely on us, I know this and am usually very resilient. Feel much better for a whine (and also a wine. After I put baby to bed cause gd was tired. Sorry, moaning again).

Sensible chat tomorrow, about how both children feel and how we deal as a family.

OP posts:
DameEdnasBridesmaid · 29/12/2013 22:47

It wasn't aimed at you 50. It's teenspeak and no doubt designed to try and make her errant parents feel bad. They won't but you will. That says volumes.

You carry on doing what you are doing. She knows what you are doing and what you mean to her.

Original poster
5OBalesofHay · 29/12/2013 22:53

I'm not going to answer on facebook, reluctant and howstricks, I'm better getting it off my chest here, where gd doesn't go, then face to face tomorrow. You have all helped me get perspective. Thank you.

OP posts:
Kleinzeit · 30/12/2013 12:03

Maybe having her own baby has made her feel very sad about her own parents? Perhaps you could say to her very firmly “you might sometimes feel as if you have no family but you always have me and granddad, we’re always here for you”. Given what’s happened with her own parents she might need the reassurance.

Hassled · 30/12/2013 12:07

She's still at that young and thoughtless stage - and you're right, this is the anger at her parents talking; she's not thinking of you.

I do think though that it's worth a gentle word - a "did you think about how that might have made me feel?" sort of chat. You need help sometimes to learn to think about other people - a nudge in the right direction.

gamerchick · 30/12/2013 12:13

It's because you're her rock.. The parent love that our kids quite rightly take for granted. She's secure with you.. you've done an awesome job.

I would mention it lighthearted if it's hurt your feelings.. becoming a mother has obviously stirred up complex feelings of her own mother. But in really wouldn't take it to heart.

saintmerryweather · 30/12/2013 17:18

I would tell her how it made you feel but try not to read too much into it

Original poster
5OBalesofHay · 30/12/2013 20:22

Bless

OP posts:
Original poster
5OBalesofHay · 30/12/2013 20:27

Her, I got home from work to a note just saying I love you grandma. That also made me teary, but in a good way! Thanks for getting me through the wobble. She's a good kid, just has a lot of stuff to deal with.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 30/12/2013 21:24

That is lovely Smile a little something to treasure.

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