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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

at wits end..on internet and phone at all hours despite us saying not to

45 replies

febel · 29/12/2013 19:07

ok, another post over my challenging 16 yr old daughter. Just discovered she is on internet and phone..both calls and texts...in early hours etc despite us asking, and trusting her, to leave phone and I pad outside door at around 10.30 each night...just as her elder sisters did without any bother until they were 18 (and went to uni) She is cCONSTANLY challenging and pushing boundaries and discovered phone etc cos looked closely at my bill after something her elder sister said about her waking in night and hearing youngest on phone.

So...what do we do besides obvious...taking hone and I pad off her..which seems over the top and anyway last time I warned her I would take phone off her, and had to, she fought like a wold cat to stop me and scratched all my face.

Please someone give us advise, we are at our wits end with her..she is forever overstepping boundaries, v cheeky and in yr face etc and to be honest I am dreading confronting her with this

OP posts:

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 29/12/2013 19:08

Remove the router at night, that is what I would do

I don't think it's OTT, bearing in mind she has physically attacked you

Call the police if she ever does that again, love

Earlybird · 29/12/2013 19:13

Sorry to say , she sounds out of control. It is not clear who is in charge in your home.

I think previous poster's advice is good - remove the router at night. Or, go by her room at 10.30 each night and move phone / i-pad. Give back to her each morning.

And by the way, it is not over the top to punish her when she has disobeyed so flagrantly. But that is one of the reasons she's doing it - you won't follow through, and she knows it.

You need to change your behaviour so she will change hers.

RhondaJean · 29/12/2013 19:15

How is it over the top to take them off her?

You set the boundaries, she refuses to stick to them, there is no actual physical need for anyone to have a mobile phone or an iPad, remove them until she can prove she is mature enough to use them responsibly and ?ith in the boundaries which you have set.

TeamSouthfields · 29/12/2013 19:15

u should remove both of these long term.if she has no.respect for.u

Beamur · 29/12/2013 19:17

Do you pay for the phone? If so, then you have the ultimate sanction.

RhondaJean · 29/12/2013 19:19

Oh and tell her if she assaults you again you will call the police and don't be afraid to do it.

SavoyCabbage · 29/12/2013 19:23

I don't think it's over the top to take them and you can't not do so just in case she attacks you. That's no way to live your life.

If you are paying for her phone, stop paying for it. And definitely turn off t'internet at night.

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 29/12/2013 19:32

Take them off her at night - if there is any fuss she loses half an hour of screen time the next night for every time you have to ask / tell / take cheek from her.

If she attacks you again ring the police on 101. Kids need and like boundaries - i teach teens, many of whom do as they please wherever they go - you can't let her be like that.

I really feel for you op. Some teens are totally reliant on the internet, it worries me just how addicted some seem. Be prepared for a hard time at first but you really must stick to your guns - tough love is hard though x

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 29/12/2013 19:33

I remember at one time removing the router on a daily basis and leaving it in the boot of my car when I went to work

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 29/12/2013 19:35

Doesn't solve the 3G problem if she has an internet enabled phone of course, but stop paying it (or switch to a very limited tariff with a block on it) and she will soon realise you mean business

CustardoPaidforIDSsYFronts · 29/12/2013 19:36

take the phone off her and password protect theinternet

Mabelface · 29/12/2013 19:36

Yup, remove the router when she's not supposed to be online and change the password when she's been banished off the net, which she can earn by doing stuff for you.

JeanSeberg · 29/12/2013 19:36

Yes, I've done similar with the Xbox controllers when the house rules haven't been followed.

Groovee · 29/12/2013 19:37

I'd be removing her access to wifi.

teenagetantrums · 29/12/2013 19:45

Does it really matter during the holidays if she is on the phone all night?. I used to limit the wifi on school nights but not at weekend and in holidays could you compromise with her? My DD is 17 now and i dont limit it at all as long as she gets up to go college on time she can stay up as late as she wants.

teenagetantrums · 29/12/2013 19:46

However if my daughter wouldn't hand over her phone when asked i would be cutting it off.

NoComet · 29/12/2013 19:51

16, 10.30pm?

Do you have flying pigs in your garden?

Of course she shouldn't attack you, but choose your battles, this one is pointless.

Impomea · 29/12/2013 19:51

I just unplug the wifi at 2300 DS can't be bothered to go down and plug it back in!

NoComet · 29/12/2013 20:00

Honesty, There are only Two rules worth having about screens/phones at night.

You get up and catch the bus
You do not text, face time etc, late at night anyone who will get in trouble for replying.

DD2(12) therefore probably does pack it in about 10, 10.30 as she needs to sleep and her DFs mum's would get twitchy.

I don't ask DD1(15) the DF she's talking to is a year older and it's up to her to deal with her mum

veronica60 · 29/12/2013 20:37

I had to remove sons laptop at 11pm every night when he first started college. He said he would stop using it but never did, one night hubby got up at 3am and he was still online. He wasn't happy, but eventually he got used to the idea and even started just bringing it in to our room at 11. He is 17 and a half now. I leave him to decide what time to log off, as he is always up in time for college. In the holidays, like now I think he is awake most of the night and gets up about mid afternoon lol!

Original poster

febel · 30/12/2013 00:48

The times she was on late included college times. She is always tired, and so short tempered and nasty. Not sure what to do...am I being too hard switching it off/taking it off her? Never had a problem with other tow daughters (now 23 and 21) like this. She is ALWAYS on her screen have to say...am dying for it to break cos I won't be replacing it. Do switch wi fi off at 10.30-11 pm..think that is late enough. I wouldn't but if we don't she just stays on...and it is this flagrant disobeying of all we ask I find upsetting. Feel she is trying to get one over us all the time...teenagers. But am I being reasonable(cos ofcourse she doesn't think so) as her attitude and behaviour is causing so many rows it is affecting both my relationship with my partner (her dad) and our family life (her sisters relationship and attitude to her ) and my general well being (upset a lot of the time..can't stand it all) (must add not usually on MY screen this late...been out to friends and so worried about it all have logged on!)
Trouble is we have had issues before too numerous to go into and am so tired of it all....

OP posts:

Original poster

febel · 30/12/2013 00:50

forgot to add...she does get 3 g on her phone contract so uses a "hot spot" to go on internet, altho I can stop the data etc cos I phoned up and asked cos it is in my name but am worried am being over controlling. She is 16 going on 19... :-(

OP posts:

NoComet · 30/12/2013 01:04

Seriously, just forget this battle it's a pointless way of stocking resentment and making her feel justified in feeling hard done too.

I'm way, way too old to have had a mobile as a teen, but I read and listened to the radio to midnight and occasionally later from about 12yo. My parents had the sense to just leave me too it, to understand I needed that space.

Had they said 10.30 lights out, I would have found a torch, headphones, some way round it.

Yes, you need to deal with her being disrespectful, but you won't get anywhere while she has something as simple as a technology curfew to hate you for.

livinginawinterwonderland · 01/01/2014 15:14

I don't understand this level of control, really. She's 16. If she stays up until stupid o'clock and has to go to school on 3 hours sleep, that's her problem, not yours. She'll learn eventually.

At the moment, she's probably only staying up late because she knows it's pissing you off. I know when I had a bedtime (until I was 14), I read and listened to music after "lights out" because I could rebel. But, when I could pick and choose my bedtime, I often just turned off and slept around 10-11pm.

Kids need to learn to sort out their own sleep.

ashtrayheart · 01/01/2014 15:25

I think this is way ott for a 16yo.

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