Sexually active 14 year old

[AnonButRegular]

Hi I am a regular but have name changed - happy to pm usual user name and HQ will be able to verify this.

My almost 15 year old has become sexually active and I'd appreciate some advice please - not sure if I've done the right thing. Please don't criticise.

I found out today that she has a boyfriend and that they have done some heavy petting and he has used his fingers on her. She assures me they haven't had sex and I believe her. This happened last night at my home.

She came to me earlier quite upset that she is now sore. Has some blood stained discharge and it's very painful to pee. She was scared that some damage may have been done and called nhs direct for advice herself, without my knowledge, who said that a little blood is normal once the hymen has broken but to go to the UCC to have her urine dipped.

She was going to go to the hospital by herself but when she asked if she could go out I knew something wasn't right and she broke down and told me everything.

I took her to the UCC myself and she has a little blood in her urine as well as some white cells. She didn't tell the Dr that we saw what happened last night.

So, we're home and she's fine and the bare bones of what we've discussed is has she been active with anyone else -no. Has she had full sex - no. I explained that it's her body, she mustn't do anything she isn't comfortable with, I'm not angry, she can come to me with anything and I will be taking her to the well woman clinic next week to discuss everything with a nurse.

Have I missed anything? Said anything wrong? Thanks for reading, any advice, thoughts or experience welcome.

Great point Buffy- its really important to be comfortable with what you are doing- age and experience is a factor in this situation. Their naivety might have meant that they dont understand that any kind of penetration can be painful if you are not relaxed or comfortable as the female may tense up if you catch my drift, and also if there hasnt been foreplay she may be dry so it at risk of pain. Im talking here in biological terms of course, the better choice would be for her to abstain right now but if she does feel that she wants to engage in sexual activity, it is important for her to educate herself so that she doesnt come to any more harm emotionally or physically.

@tracypenisbeaker
www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm

a website for you to read.
Sorry that it scares you, but it's the truth. I quote from this site and if you don't trust this one. Just use google and you'll find many sources of information confirming this:

Genital human papillomavirus (also called HPV) is the most common sexually transmitted infection (STI)

HPV can cause serious health problems, including genital warts and certain cancers.

HPV is passed on through genital contact, most often during vaginal and anal sex. HPV may also be passed on during oral sex and genital-to-genital contact. HPV can be passed on between straight and same-sex partners—even when the infected person has no signs or symptoms.

All cases of genital warts and RRP, and nearly all cases of cervical cancer, are caused by HPV. A subset of cancers of the vagina, vulva, anus, penis, and oropharynx, are caused by HPV.

Warts can appear within months after getting HPV.
Cancer often takes years—even decades—to develop after a person gets HPV.

HPV can infect areas that are not covered by a condom - so condoms may not fully protect against HPV.

"Im talking here in biological terms of course"
SURE... let's chat about your sex life in that manner. Would you like that? No one knows you over here, but still, would you like that?

@ChippingInLovesChristmasLights
I didn't looked at the date, so didn't notice this was already a couple of days old.

Dear anon. It sounds like you handled this really well. Important that you keep her trust by not sharing info with dad etc as has been your instinct. I was sexually active at 14 with boyfriend at his home and mine, completely transparent with my mum about it and it was a really positive thing. Very happy relationship and I turned out ok! V close to mum and after her trust in me to use my judgement I went on to confide in her about other things through teens. I was simply ready at 14, physically and emotionally. Not saying it's usual but in my experience being in love was the important bit. (I'm 34 and a mum now). Good luck with it all but seems to me your instincts have been spot on.

Well those are all good reasons for getting the HPV vaccine, which at 14 the OP's dd has almost certainly had, which is great.

This is a parenting site where we get to talk anonymously about parenting problems. The OP changed her name specifically for her post, so she is even less searchable than she might be usually and there is zero personally identifying info in her post. Are you suggesting that none of us should ever post anything about our children just in case?

@nooka,

Firstly: That vaccine doesn't protect against all the HPV viruses.
Secondly: sure you can post something about your children. But we didn't need this much personal information to understand the story.
Everyone can read this. No one knows about who we speak (I hope for her teenage daughter). Still it's private information. All we needed to know was that her daughter is sexual active and felt uncomfortable and she took her to the doctors. And how we would handle the situation. (by no way going into the doctors room with her so she could speak freely) More information wasn't needed.

like:
have done some heavy petting and he has used his fingers on her

We really didn't need to know that. Anyone can read this!!! I would be pretty angry if my other half would post that kind of private information about our teenager on this site.
Private things are private for a reason! Imagine if somehow her daughter finds this thread. Or another teenager who experienced the same thing and thinks it's about her. That must make her feel really really uncomfortable.