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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Children claiming to be "Therians"

71 replies

Tortoisegirl · 28/12/2013 13:21

My 12 yo DD is away with her Dad and sent me an email last night saying she is now convinced she is a Therian. Having looked at the website she directed me to, I am now feeling very nervous she has got herself involved with something I would rather she hadn't. therian-guide.com The way she wrote in the email was very intense and adult, and left me with a feeling of dread.
As a bit of background... She doesnt eally get on with her dad, feeling very much the lesser member of his new family (wife and 6yo half sister). To be honest I know he loves her but he is crap at making her feel wanted, he never rings, she doesn't have her own space in his house, he went through a phase of calling her name eg goth, emo etc, and she tells me he calls her lazy. She has recently started asking me questions about why him and I split up when she was 2. I found a piece of paper the otherday witht he question "if he loved me why did he go?". Really heartbreaking.
Does anyone else have any experience of Therians or can give me some advice here. Im feeling really scared she is never going to open up about anything else again. Wish I could talk to her face to face. Im caught between telling not to be so silly and booking therapy. Both of which I know are the wrong responses.

OP posts:
SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 28/12/2013 13:26

It's harmless. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't teens go through strange phases? Even if it isn't just a phase I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.

I think the issues with her dad are a separate matter.

Tortoisegirl · 28/12/2013 13:35

SP I'm really hoping it is a phase! She and I have always been into animals and mythology, so I'm assuming this is where it has come from. She seems to have grown up so much in the last 6 months and I suspect she is sharing her worries with the therian online forum rather than me, which is what worries me.
I think the issues with her dad are making it feel worse. I have tried to reassure her that everyone feels a bit "different" when they are a teenager but suspect I just come across as an oldie!
Do you think I should keep her off the website and forum? My concern is she will still go on but never share her thoughts again!

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RomulanBattleBagel · 28/12/2013 13:39

I agree with SP that it's a harmless phase. Exploring different identities is a really important part of adolescence I think, and it just so happens that the one your DD is interested in is a bit more unusual/unnerving than most.

The issue with her dad is separate and it's important not to mix the two IMO.

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 28/12/2013 13:53

Don't stop her going on the website. The more you fight it the more she will want it.

It seems she has found a 'safe place' and she feels like she fits in somewhere. Don't take that from her.

Maybe ask her questions about it and seem interested. She might start opening up

Tortoisegirl · 28/12/2013 14:04

Thank you for your advice guys! It is moments like this when not having a partner to discuss stuff with really hits home. When I read her email at 11:30 last night it was just so left field! If she was in front of me at least I could give her a big hug.
I'll email her back and just hope she hasnt mentioned this to her dad. His automatic response is to get angry.

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specialsubject · 28/12/2013 17:42

Tom Cruise thinks he's an alien.

just make sure she doesn't send money to these people, who are deluded, fraudsters or both.

Tortoisegirl · 28/12/2013 18:47

You know the Scientologists did cross my mind! There is a paypal button on the website that I didn't like, but then I realised she has no way to send money thank god! Deluded and fraudsters ... well summed up!

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specialsubject · 28/12/2013 18:56

Nothing wrong with fantasy of course - that's why many of us are science fiction fans. However actually believing it is real is a different ball game.

talk her through the science they teach at school. Shouldn't take long for anyone of normal intelligence to work out that this stuff is all bollocks. I leave it to you to find a more appropriate term for a 12 year old..

Travelledtheworld · 29/12/2013 08:57

It looks weird but harmless and quite the thing to appeal to a twelve year old girl who may be seeking some sort of spiritual guidance.

I am sure she will grow out of it but in the meantime.....

Keep tabs on what she is doing on line. She is only 12 so you have a total right to check her emails and browsing history. Ask polite questions. Be
Prepared to engage in discussion, but do not make fun of this interest or attempt to ban it.

Keep her grounded with normal activities so that this does not become an obsession.

Why not build on the love for animals by doing something practical? Volunteer with the RSPCA, local animal shelter, PDSA etc. Help In one of their charity shops, do some fundraising, collect food and blankets etc. Do something to give her a useful focus which will help her meet a wider range of people.

You need to talk to your Ex about all this too, to make sure you are both following the same line. Can he make some special time for them to spend together, out of the home, just the two of them ?

Travelledtheworld · 29/12/2013 09:03

Just reading the website and OMG if she starts barking or growling or curling up to go to sleep on the floor, then I do think you need to intervene by banning that website and forums.

And a wider discussion about weird cults and religions and the potential damage they can do to people's lives would be appropriate too.

She will be studying Buddhism as school soon, which will give her a different perspective on reincarnation.

Good Luck.

Tortoisegirl · 29/12/2013 11:49

Thanks for your thoughts Travelled. You talk a lot of sense. I have reminded her that I get to see what she is doing on line as she is only 12 and havent banned te site... Yet. She has written some really heartbreaking things about her dad on it but doesn't know Ive read it. She did Buddism last year and decided she liked the sound of it. We have a few casual chats but nothing since then. Its a damn fine fine line between discussing it and not sounding like I am agreeing! She knows I'm completly science focused and we had a laugh the other day about homeopathy and how ridiculous it is.

Her lovely best friend and school has just been diagnosed with depression and my DD is an only child as well. I wonder if all of this combined, and her Dad just being his usual self, have made her start to questions her place in the world and how she feels about herself. She has never been a "sparkly pink" kind of girl (another thing that her dad didn't like!) and has always been aware (but ok) that she is a bit different.

Just wish she was here and not 300 miles away! A hug, a cup of hot chocolate and being able to see her face as she talks to me would help a lot!

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MrsSquirrel · 29/12/2013 14:06

I wonder if all this combined ... have made her start to question her place in the world and how she feels about herself.

I think that's true, all those things plus her age. Puberty is not easy for anybody IMO.

The therian thing sounds a bit weird, but probably not harmful. I reckon most mumsnetters would agree it's helpful having an online forum where you can talk stuff through with like minded people.

My dd says it sounds like something she could have seen herself doing at 12, but not now at 15. Her advice is to just keep an eye on things and see how it goes.

Tortoisegirl · 29/12/2013 15:40

Bless you Mrs Squirrel for asking your DD! A teens viewpoint is always welcome and reasurring. I am hoping to God she doesn't mention it to anyone at school. Kids don't need much of an excuse to label another as the "odd" kid and I reckon this would be more than enough!

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Tortoisegirl · 29/12/2013 15:44

I reckon most mumsnetters would agree it's helpful having an online forum where you can talk stuff through with like minded people.

A very good point! When I get to have a chat with her face to face, I'll use this to show I understand she needs more than just me to talk to now she is growing up.

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specialsubject · 29/12/2013 16:48

sounds like she has something very important; a caring, sensible, intelligent and loving mum. With that, all is possible.

good luck to you both.

Onagraceae · 11/02/2014 00:28

Hello, I actually registered just for this thread, since I found it on google. Maybe I'm late to the party, seeing as this thread hasn't been updated for almost 2 months?

I'm a therian, and I'm 24. I started to express feelings about being a wolf when I was 14. For me, it was not a phase, and it was a great relief when I found others like me when I was 16. I live a normal life, as most therians do.

But still, many, many teens and kids who find the therian and/or otherkin communities might be going through a phase, or just be fascinated by it. It's too early to say about your daughter. You should try and listen to her, and also, since she is young and active on social sites on the internet, tell her to be wary of strangers that might try to manipulate her.
It's better that she trusts you and feels that she can openly discuss personal things with her, than for you to try and convince her that she is not a therian. After all, maybe she is? Who knows?

I think Travelledtheworld has some good advice, the girl might want to help animals at a shelter or something. But I do not agree that "curling up when sleeping" and other harmless animal behaviours should lead to banning the site - I think the girl should be able to do things like these in the safety of her own home, but we advised not to express animalistic behaviour in public.

The Therian Guide is one of many sites on the internet about therianthropy. I'm not active on that particular site, but it seems to be one of the OK ones.

In general there are two large pitfalls in the therian community that anyone should look out for (all communities have their bad sides, don't they?).

  1. Claims of physical transformation and other supernatural bullshit. Adult, sane therians will not try to convince anyone that this is possible, since it just isn't. But there are some teens or manipulative lying adults who try to impress others by claiming to be "real werewolves" with supernatural powers.
  2. "Packs". A pack can be something as innocent as a group of friends who all happen to be therians. But sometimes, people take it too far, assign each other ranks, try to dominate others and so on. More common among teenage therians than adults, because teens love have little cliques and intrigues, don't they?

But any way, if you have any questions for a young adult therian. Therianthropy is just when a person identifies mentally or spiritually as a non-human animal. You can call it a belief, special connection, or identity, but it's not an illness, neither a religion.

euipoi · 17/05/2014 09:27

Just found this topic today.
Hi moms, im creator of therian guide.
Its harmless trust me and if you read the site thoroughly we teach folks how to cope with it and advise that it shouldn't be publicly displayed.

On the donations note. Do you realize the expense of keeping a website running? People who enjoy the website have a choice to donate and help me keep it running. How is that fraudulent?

DustWolf · 29/06/2018 15:27

Hello,

We have prepared a special page dedicated to parents of children, who think they might be Therians.

www.therian-guide.com/index.php/8-Parents

We hope you find it useful.

LP,
Dusty

Whitecoyote11 · 24/10/2018 07:41

Something is the matter with you...you hope its just a phase? you before coming here didn't even understand it and it's usually not a phase like thing to begin with....instead of negativity you respect people...not push them away or hope someones interest that are fine and safe to be gone...thats wrong...it just makes me wonder what the heck is wrong with someone who would speak that way and not feel anything...you don't hope things like that and you don't speak that way. If it was something bad and unhealthy you shouldn't hope it went away as a phase either and be concerned instead or worse depending on what it was and do what is right.

cdtaylornats · 24/10/2018 19:03

She could look into North American Natives spirit animals

KoleBlade · 10/11/2018 00:18

I am 15 yo male. Not sure how old your daughter is but I am also a therian. It's nothing harmful. We just like to play like animals and have some traits of animals. I am a wolf dog therian. I love to play like a dog but I am extremely wild. Honestly, don't worry about her. If she isn't harming anyone or herself than I think she will be perfectly fine.

Jazzymm098 · 10/11/2018 22:05

Seriously??
Wolfblood has a lot to answer for...

KoleBlade · 11/11/2018 18:13

Some people just don't understand this way of life. They have different ways of coping with it.

Really15butstalkingadultsXD · 11/03/2019 02:38

Wow... I am so late for this
I'm a therian (Silver fox) Honestly... you should have been a little more happy for her...

  1. She was brave enough to tell you, even if not directly to your face.
I never even worked up the courage to tell my own!
  1. She trusted you enough to tell you. It must have been harder for her to write that email, and a lot of planning definitely went into it
  1. This way of life probably makes her happy. Also, therianthropy is not a phase (if it's real and not just to feel like a part of something, which is a possibility)

Of course, I have no clue how this all worked out, since she is around 17-18 by now LOL. But all I can tell you is that Travelledtheworld was, (not to be insulting) a dick. WHAT IF CURLING INTO A BALL IS COMFORTING TO US!? Anyway, sorry for the all caps, but I wanted to get my point across. BTW, what's her theriotype? I'm a silver fox, but my sister is a snow leopard, and I know a cat, dove, dragon, lion, hyena, tasmanian devil, opossum, chicken, walrus, and seagull. Smile
Honestly, quite a few of these are friends from online, but I'm sure you get the point. There are hundreds of others out there who are just like her. Wink

CarnelianOfTherian · 07/12/2019 15:56

Hey!
As a Therian myself, I would I advise you to let her explore the community.
You are quite lucky that she chose Therian Guide as it is family friendly and does prohibit any kind of 18+ content.
As for those who call us ridiculous or fraudsters need to understand that we as a community identify as animals and that this woman's daughter is on her own path to self-discovery, being almost a teenager, it is completely natural to want a place to belong.
Being Therian is not something to be laughed at and we certainly don't appreciate it.
Please try to be respectful.
Your daughter, if she decides she wants to be fully part of the community, would be safe among are community as many of the members are in fact children.
Try to support her the best you can throughout her teenage journey.

Blessed be,
CarnelianOfTherian