playing peace maker

[Totalpushova]

Does anyone try and play peacemaker between DS and DH? My DS has no time for my DH. I try to make things better but always tend to feel my efforts are in vain. My DS is 16 and has become a very angry teen, he has squared up to the DH a couple of times but I've managed to step in and defuse things, trouble is my DH wants to "knock the DS out" Should I just stand back and leave them to it or intervene. Exhausted by it all at times...

Stand back as they are relying on you to put the full stop to their silly shenanigans. They seems to be both behaving like grumpy teenagers and not thinking for themselves.

Perhaps a family meeting could be held where everyone gets 10 minutes to say what their issue is without anyone butting in. making comment or denying their part in the upset?

I know it sounds a bit twee but if you don't change the dynamics here this could go on and on and no-one's happy.

I know what you mean that until the dynamics change nothing else will, how I would love to be able to get everyone to sit and say their piece but in this house that would never happen, it would just turn into a slanging match and just make matters worse. My DH has the attitude that what they says goes and life is good as long as it runs the way they want it to be. DH can't see that a lot of the problems are the result of this and the fact that we don't talk as a family doesn't help

They being the 'men' of the house? In that case show them that the woman of the house is not interested in taking part in the drama and walk out of the room/house and treat yourself to some 'me' time while they grow up and learn to compromise.

"I would love to be able..." shows you are feeling responsible. Some times you become part of what's known as the 'Drama Triangle' without realising it. This part helps the drama to keep going.

Wouldn't I love to just walk out, I would never hear the last of it :-D

I can only say, Total...

"If you always do what you've always done,
you will always get what you've always got".

YOU have to be the one to change here and not continue to see yourself as a victim.

Sounds harsh I know but it's true.

Ask you DH if his combative approach is actually working.
Then make the point that it wears you out and you dont respect him for it.

My DH tried this approach with our DD. All it did was accelerate the Mega Rows to mutual slapping. Not productive. And it was a stupid example to DD of hownot to resolve problems.

DH agreed to try the 'calm quiet voice' and 'just stick to your objective and keep repeating it' approach for a few weeks. He has now realised that actually this works - and you still have your sanity and blood-pressure intact at the end of it.