Ideas On Suitable Sanctions For DS 13 With ASD

[joencaitlinsmum]

On the whole my DS is well behaved but has just started getting lippy and un-cooperative especially in the mornings. I have removed his PS3 and other gadgets from him in the past as sanctions for not toeing the line but now this doesn't seem to bother him and he accepts it quite readily, the only other thing I could ban is his beloved rugby and football but then we have instilled a sense of importance to team mates etc. and as I run a rugby team know how it effects the other kids missing from a team for matches etc. so am loathed to use that as a punishment, he has zero social interaction with his peers outside of school so that's not an area either.

Any ideas?

I agree with not banning rugby or football, they’re too beneficial to take away without a really strong reason. Especially since his social life is so limited otherwise.

I rely very heavily on routine to get my DS out of the door. My DS (15, Asperger’s diagnosis) has never toed any line, ever, and he will always be more or less rude and uncooperative if I ask him to do something unless I give him plenty of advance warning about it. But he will do things quite readily if they are part of his routine. I also ask him if he would like to be nagged or not – he quite likes to be reminded what to do! – and I tell him that I will only remind him if he is polite when I do.

It’s fairly normal for teenagers to be a bit lippy, sometimes DS is just practising being cheeky like other teenagers and I have always ignored lippiness (unless he says something really offensive, in which case I call him on it and ask him to apologise!) because ignoring it seems to make it go away.

So… do you have to use sanctions for this? Can you ignore the lip as if he hadn’t said anything, or does that make it worse? When he is rude and un-cooperative, is that because he’s tired or stressed? Is he going to bed early enough and does he need more time in the mornings? Does he need a visual timetable to remind him what to do? Or, could you maybe reward him for getting through his morning routine quickly and politely instead?

Neurotypical 13yo: if he's rude to us in the mornings we assume overtiredness and encourage an earlier bedtime by stopping wi-fi access earlier in the evenings (he has no other internet access).

11yo with ASD: thankfully not yet reached the adolescent rudeness stage, but the main sanction is loss of computer time.

It's tricky, because if he spends less time on the computer then he becomes less stroppy. We ask him what he'd like as a reward, and he says more computer time. Which makes him stroppy again.