Just found DS 13 stash

[Blossomflowers]

I don't know if I have done the right thing. Just went to put some socks in DS 13 bedside drawer and have found empty packets of tobacco, lighters, filter papers and bloody condoms. I have just thrown it all in the bin but now wondering how he is going to react. This was not hidden, we have spoken about smoking, but condoms. Oh dear any advise how to tackle this.

You'd rather he didn't use condoms?

I would throw out the smoking material, and have a very serious, thoughtful, caring conversation about sex. Maybe collect ideas from people on here about what is important to say to him about sex at his age.

I actually do not think the condoms were there for the intended purpose. They were not in a packet and tied at one end? some kind drug use I don't know. We have a very good relationship and he talks to me freely but not sure how to tackle this. And HDEE I actually think is is too young to be having sex, not being judgemental but know him

Dont panic. Just because he's got condoms doesnt mean he's having sex or even thinking about it. Wanting to see them, work out what you'd do with one or having them as a sort of token of manhood/masculinity is VERY normal.

The smoking stuff I would have an issue with however - simply because its not allowed in our house. Time to ask him if he's actually smoking or if 'just having the stuff' is similar to having the condoms (see above). Most non-smoker did actually have the odd teenage cigarette etc before they made that decision. Allow him to make his.

Do not underestimate your power of influence as a parent if you feel drug use is unacceptable then put your foot down.

Make your home and his schedule incompatible with this behaviour.

I am not bothered so much about the condoms, thanks mrsB good advise. He knows I do not like him smoking and would love to know where he is getting the money to buy this stuff, as smoking is bloody expensive. He is having a pretty rough time atm with his self confidence and bullying so do not want to come down on him like a ton of bricks but he needs to know I am not happy

I absolutly agree way to young for sex , but give him credit if that was his intention at least hes thinking safe dont really have advice for that one good luck , the ciggaretes put your foot down explaine it will kill him hell be poor they cost so much now imagine what they will cost in the future tell him there make him stink girls dont like boys that stink , sniff him when he comes home take away computer games mum , as for drugs look in his eyes you will c

Oh dear I feel for you. It wasn't well hidden was it ? Did you know he smokes ?
I found tobacco, filters etc in my sons room. He is against cigarettes and says he doesn't smoke tobacco. Further questioning revealed he mixes the tobacco with weed to smoke. He doesn't see that this makes him a tobacco smoker!

I never found weed so I think he stashes it elsewhere possibly outside the house ( I hear boys at school hide it in the park so parents don't find it )

I also don't know how they buy it - the cost and the fact they are under age.
I would be upfront and calmly say what you found and try to get him to talk. Don't let him accuse you of snooping. That is not the point.
Sorry cant help, same problem here. Sadly they think it's cool

My DS (14 next week) also has condoms in his bedside drawer. He got them from school via the school nurse and the 'C' card scheme. You can get condoms free wherever you see the 'C' sign. My son was very proud to get this card lol and proudly showed me.

He explained the nurse had given him and his friend an extensive talk on how to put it on etc and I continued the conversation asking him what he would do if the condom split, or wasn't there at the end. He gave very sensible answers and I was most impressed.

I've also found rizla papers and a lighter he bought on a school trip to Paris. He said he found the papers in the park...yeah right! lighter was consficated.

All very normal I think but needs discussing at the time! I presume my DS is experimenting putting a condom on and having a 'posh wank' as my DP says!

I gave my DS condoms to play around and practise with when he was around 14. Better for him to have worked out the details of how to use them without them ripping or splitting before he's trying it in a state of great excitement with a woman I feel.
The smoking, I would want a discussion about.

My DSes were also given condoms at school at about 12-13. The C card scheme didn't seem to exist when DS1 was that age; but it runs at DS2's school . He isn't in it, but was still given a packet in a sex ed lesson. He tied knots in at least one of his, too... Because after he and his mates finished laughing, they made water bombs!

It's a funny age, because their emotional maturity varies soooo much: some of them are like 17-18 yos, and some are like 7-8 yos!

If you have a good relationship and talk, you won't avoid all the teenage problems, but you stand a pretty good chance of resolving them. :) Good luck!

Flow my DS did the same. He blew one up and turned all the lights off - it was a glow in the dark one, me and his younger brother were laughing about him and his condoms!