Teen in with bad crowd

[Trumpsarehearts]

Have been having problems with DS1 who is in year 11. He is keen to do well at school, but since age 13 has been increasingly distant / hostile from the rest of the family. So bad is our relationship we have been seeing a family psychiatrist who saw the problem very clearly after talking to us all . He says we are a family with good values and resources but for some reason DS1 is part of a very bad crowd - his peers have been in trouble with police, doing drugs , behaviour quite different from how we live as a family. The doctor says this is exciting for our son, and we need help ' reeling him back in'. My DS seems willing to meet the psychiatrist again to talk so I do have some hope that he sees a problem which is good.

I realise bad friends are better than no friends and teens need a group to be part of and this group clearly accept him. He is always anxious to fit in and this is his problem.

Wondered if anyone else has had any similar experience. ?

Are no friends better than bad friends? To be quite honest, I would rather my dcs were loners than hanging around with a really bad crowd - many teens who don't really have friends find their niche and their group later, often at uni, but hanging around with kids who are breaking the law could seriously mess up his life.

How does your son know these kids?

I meant if you are 16 a bad group who accept you is hard to leave at risk of ending up with no friends. Obviously it is not what I want for him.
They are at school together or neighbouring schools.

Does your DS have the opportunity to move schools at the end of this year and start sixth form/college elsewhere? If he is prepared to meet the psychiatrist perhaps he'll embrace the opportunity of a fresh start.

That is a good point janey. The school he is at now has a v good sixth form so it would be a shame to move from the point of view of academics. Hopefully some of the bad influences will move away though, as the 6th form has high entry requirements - grades the 'bad' crowd may not achieve. So there is hope !
We are looking into alternatives though as I think a new environment may be better for him. A shame when he would get the best teaching by staying put though, plus avoiding upheaval.

What do people think about changing schools after GCSE? If there are social reasons to change can it work out worth while ? Or do kids grow up and change in the summer anyway ? There will also be new kids coming in at year 12 from other schools so the mix does change.

From my experience moving to a dedicated sixth form is a good thing to do if you have one near you. The much more adult enviroment means that in general the students are much more mature and thus motivated. This feeling kinda spreads if you get what I mean.

Also because a dedicated sixth form tends to be larger it means that they can have a larger choice of subjects and possibly better experience of university applications and career advice.

Comparing my friends who stayed at my secondary schools sixth form to us who have gone to a dedicated sixth form the ones who have stayed the school have really not matured, and seem to not take their work as seriously as us who have gone to the dedicated sixth form. I think it must have something to do with the change of scenery and thus kinda meaning you end up changing your mindset.

i was reading your link with interest as my dd has been a loner since we moved here and very depressed no friends or boy friends for a long time. she joined a group at school who seem to accept her but they smoke canabis and drink at wknd mostly and she hangs around with them i dont like it and am scared they will get in trouble i dread her going out i am over protective i know but i dont want her to end up in trouble with the police or worse i do trust my dd but i dont trust the others as she wants so much to belong and they may get her in trouble she is 14 and they all drink vodka etc which she isnt used to. we live in herne bay.