teenage emotional wreck

[medwaymum3]

please please can someone help me. i am new to this site and am not to sure about all the abbreviations used so bear with me.

I have a son who has just turned 16 and has become unrecognizable over the last few months.

He was diagnosed with ADHD aged 12 and has been on medication for last 2 years. I do not medicate him when not at school and so had a lengthy break over summer period. When medication was started again in september, my son said they didn't work anymore and wouldnt take them anymore. He is on quite a low dose, 36mg low release concerta.

My son has been a fast track student since starting secondary school and joined 6th form this year, a year early.

My son did not pass all his GCSE, and only received an E in English. Despite this he was enrolled on two level 3 A level courses and continued to study was GCSE.

With in 4 weeks my son began to truant from school, complaining the work was to hard, and he was getting behind by being pulled out of a level classes to study english.

Two months on and my son is completely disengaged from education. He refuses to go back to 6th form at all, even though the school are trying to put together an educational package that he feels would suit him.

He is smoking cannabis, not sure how much, and rebels against every boundary i try to put in place. He has 'lost' his expensive phone and PlayStation, im wondering if he has sold them to get money for drugs. He goes out in the dayime, even though he has been told we can get fined if he goes out during school hours.

He isnt showering, eating properly and sleeps in his clothes most of the time. He gets very tearful and angry when we try to get him to meetings with people that are trying to help him, us. We have just had a home visit from pastoral care at school and he refused to come down and talk to them.

He seems an emotional wreck and it is having a huge negative effect on our relationship. He will not open up to anyone and refuses to see a doctor. I dont know what is causing all this....his ADHD.....cannabis.....school pressure.

How can i get him to engage in something, even if its just emotional support from outside agencies?
Please can someone give me some advice????

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through.
Have you talked to him about the drugs ? It does sound like he is using, neglecting ones appearance and 'losing' valuable items are indicators of more than a little use. Do you know who he spends time with ?
Sorry I can't offer any help, my DS is the same age and smoking weed seems pretty central to his life although at the moment he is holding his education together.
If pastoral care came to your home and he refused to come down what will they follow up with ? Clearly you need to support and they have witnessed that. Can you follow this up?

Just from what you've posted ( so I may be wrong) but I get the feeling he's under a lot of pressure at school. If he didn't pass many GCSE s maybe he feels like it was a waste of time trying. ( I'm thinking this is something my 16 yr old son would say). His self esteem would have taken a knock too. Sounds like he's fed up of trying to learn. Perhaps he needs a little break and then think about non vocational studies - he can return to them later when he's in a better place. A levels are hard and after studying GCSE s for two years my son is struggling and my daughter struggled in the first year ( and add to that the pressure our teens have constantly being told how difficult it is to get a job even after all that studying.)
I hope my message doesn't sound condescending, I'm not in any position to judge, I'm having a difficult time with my own son, so actually I sympathize with you.
Something that has helped is making time to chat with my son, just to keep lines of communication open- we don't generally chat about his problems just general things that he's interested in. I stop what ever I'm doing to give him my undivided attention, it's not usually for long but it's nice just to interact with him, in a relaxed atmosphere. I stick to asking him questions about his favourite topic and show that I'm impressed at his knowledge on the subject. I don't ask about anything else, so he is relaxed. When he's had enough he will end the conversation and I respect that decision.
I hope you are getting some support for yourself , I do feel for you.
I've found my GP very helpful, maybe yours can help you with your son.x

I'm sorry your family is going through this mm3, it's very tough. My son went through a similar phase which lasted about 15 months after leaving school. Things got very bad for a while. I now look back and think that school was so awful for him that it was like a trauma or some awful event he had to 'recover' from. His self-esteem and self-care got v poor, and at the same time his behaviour and attitude got worse.

If you search for threads started by me, you'll see advice and info I got at the time. For us, it was a phase that passed, and he's back on track now. I hope the same is true for your son. But meanwhile, summer is right that you need to look after yourself. As I always say, it's not a luxury, it's a survival essential.