Waiting for 14 DS to grow up..when will it happen?

[louby44]

I have 2 DS one who is 14 and one who is 10.

They are typical boys, always bickering, calling each other names, wrestling, winding each other up, race to be first for everything. Then the next minute they're best friends.

The 10 yr old is in bed by 8.30-9pm, the 14 yr old goes a bit later but is often in his room at 9pm (or on the family PC on the landing). But EVERY night he goes into his younger brothers room (who is quietly reading or watching TV) and jumps on the bed, acts daft. DS10 shouts "mum he's in my room AGAIN". It's a regular occurrence and is frankly very annoying.

We tend to settle to watch something on the TV between 9-10pm and sometimes we have to give up because I am up and down the stairs 3/4/5 times to sort him out. It's like having a toddler.

We've tried removing things from him but it makes no difference. I've tried talking to him and asking him to be more considerate as he is spoiling 3 other people's relaxation/down time but nothing works.

Why is he doing this and how can we stop it?

DS occationally does this and I think it's because he's either bored or overtired.

I would tell him he is behaving like a toddler and must go to bed immediately. (I would then suck up the smirk)

Does he also hid round corners, and jump out, shouting boo on the 10YO.

Sorry, I don't have the answer!

Well if he thinks it's ok to go into his brother's room whenever he wants, I can only assume that he has no objection to family members wandering into his room whenever they like. DB jumping onto his bed at 6am Sunday morning? Mum wandering in for a chat as he relaxes at 10pm?

Lynette oh yes he hides round corners, creeps up on him, frightens him etc etc - so irritating!

Some kind of incentive : either if he doesn't do anything silly at bedtime for a reasonable period (a fortnight might be long enough to break the habit?) he gets something he really wants.

Or, every time he disturbs his younger brother, the younger brother gets a reward/compensation and he gets one thing of his taken away.

A couple of things spring to mind:

Why?

1. Is DS1 quite young for his year at school? It does sound as though he is acting very immaturely. Is he finding being 'grown up' for school hard work?

1. How is DS1's behaviour at school? What age are his friends, how do they act?

Some suggestions:

1. Jump on the bickering, sniping etc - we have zero tolerance of this. If you dont allow it then it wont escalate.

1. Bedrooms are private neither of your DS's should be allowed in the other's room without invitation. You also have to practice this yourself. I dont go into any of my DCs' bedrooms without knocking first.

1. Is your older DS doing any sort of out of school activities? Would he/you consider getting him to try something where he will be associating with people his own age (eg sports, cadets, scouts). It does sound like he is bursting with energy.

1. Stop screen time much earlier, it sounds like he is quite wound up at bed time.

Suggest that if DS1 likes to monkey around like a toddler, he can have an earlier bedtime and go to bed before DS2!

That ought to buck him up quickly!

Worry he's actually 14 at the beginning of Dec. He is very immature for his age, my younger son is often more sensible than him!

We've tried to jump on the bickering (he's actually quite horrible to him - jealous as DS10 is very bright and DS14 knows this, although we try not to make this as issue) but I think a lot of the bickering results from jealousy!

He enjoys school and works well, there have been very few issues at all with school. He gets on with his friends, they are all the same age and act like typical Year 9 lads - daft!

He's tried cadets but didn't enjoy it. He's not into football or rugby, he did do athletics for a bit with school but he lost interest in that. During the summer he's outside a lot on his bike.

I always knock on his door before I go into his room and strangely he does that for us too, but I just think as the boys have played together over the years in each others rooms they see it as ok to just go into each others bedrooms.

I think I may sit him down and talk to him about privacy and respect and try and work on his better nature!

Thanks for your suggestions, much appreciated!

In your shoes I would sit both boys down and speak firmly to them both about hence forward respecting space and not going into each other's rooms without express permission. Even things like laundry getting left at the door.

Funnily enough I can remember my own DM having this conversation with my brothers and me when I was about 8 and my brothers were about 11 and 13. She said it quite fiercely so it made an impression.

Regarding the bickering, we jump on the first snipey remark and also enforce apologising - 'Say sorry, now say it like you actually mean it'.

It is hard work because you do have to be consistent and persistent. Dont give up, it is hard work but if you keep plugging away it will eventually work (or one of them will leave home!).