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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

how do you stop them becoming one of the teens who hang around town centres looking bored and a bit menacing

78 replies

Notmyidea · 03/11/2013 09:33

Older dd seems drawn to this form of spending her time this half term:(

I get I'm putting her off being at home, it's where she gets nagged about homework told she needs to turn the telly off. (I've provided activities and had her friends over, too.)
Any ideas?

OP posts:

adeucalione · 03/11/2013 10:54

Live in the middle of nowhere so that DC are completely dependent on me for lifts if they want to go somewhere

And spend their formative years mocking those teens who hang around shopping centres in an aimless fashion, so they grow up deriding that sort of behaviour.

And make home so appealing that they don't want to go out.

scwirrels · 03/11/2013 11:50

Same as adeucalione although I wouldn't have put it quite like that. There are many disadvantages to living in the sticks but it does tend to avert this problem.

Having said that, perhaps you need to reign in the nagging about tv and homework?
How old is she?
Can you come to an agreement that if she completes all her homework you will not interfere with her tv /computer/ bedtime etc?

sadsometimes · 03/11/2013 19:40

Buy them a pony

Seriously, get them into sport

PukingCat · 03/11/2013 19:54

Mine aren't this age yet but Im hoping that getting them interested in hobbies, clubs or sports might help. Also i try as much as possible make our home open and welcoming to their friends.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 03/11/2013 19:56

Just don't let them go out hanging around.

Tbh dd2 just stays in her room, looking bored and a bit menacing. We do encourage her to have friends round or go to friends' houses, as much as possible.

bundaberg · 03/11/2013 19:58

watching as mine aren't this age yet, but it's a concern!

i am trying to engage them in many sports/social activities outside of school so they have a wide group of friends and also plenty to keep them busy

trottingon · 03/11/2013 20:18

Definitely planned not to allow this but it has happened. Constantly trying to discourage it by offering other opportunities. Sad thing is DS is not interested in other activities and has spent his short life so far flitting from one hobby to the next.

'Hanging out' with friends seems to be the preferred option and we know what idle hands make!!! I must admit this is not my favourite time for parenting...all the values and plans I had seem to be going out of the window and all I seem to do is battle.

This is very much about the character of the individual child as well as your skills as a parent..

Original poster

Notmyidea · 03/11/2013 22:13

Thanks all! I hate to say it, but she's had more opportunities than most to have hobbies. She's 13. I'll try and reign in the nagging, but she's pushing boundaries at the moment.

OP posts:

Chottie · 04/11/2013 04:50

Can you do some fun things together i.e. have a regular cooking evening when you cook the family meal together, or have a girlie pampering evening with face and hair masks and mani pedis?

I was just thinking something like that would be a good way to have some fun and a relaxed way to have a chat about life in general.

My DS was into rowing which took a lot of his spare time, sapped any surplus energy and kept him really fit too. DD was keen on ballet and dance, so she was busy with these.

It is tough and I understand exactly where you are come from, there are lots of young pre teens / teenagers parading up and down my local mall too.

claraschu · 04/11/2013 04:58

A lot of them get bored of this behaviour fairly quickly. They always look like they think something fun is happening somewhere else, maybe on the next street corner.

livinginwonderland · 04/11/2013 06:40

It generally isn't a phase that lasts long. I was a teenager in the early 00's and yeah, occasionally I did hang around in town with my friends, but I think it only lasted a year a so.

Home was dull - we didn't have SKY or a video/DVD player, so we only had 4 TV channels. We couldn't afford to go out. 13/14 is generally too old for most "youth" activities/holiday clubs but at the same time, most kids that age can't afford the cinema/bowling/whatever without money from their parents. I had to save for three weeks to be able to go the cinema - the money burned a hole in my pocket long before then!

secretscwirrels · 04/11/2013 10:19

The trouble with hobbies clubs and sport is that when they reach 13 /14 most, not all I know, teens want to give up and you have to be relentless in keeping them going.

ladyantigone · 04/11/2013 10:31

trotting on, big hug, I know just what you mean.

DiaryOfAWimpyMum · 04/11/2013 10:45

My DS was hanging around the streets with his friends, after 9 months he became bored of it, now he goes for a 4 mile walk twice or 3 times per week and plays on his x box live the rest of the time.

SilverApples · 04/11/2013 10:48

You also have to wonder what harm the teenagers hanging around and chatting to their mates are actually doing. In the majority of cases, they are completely innocent of anything other than enjoying the company of friends.

Lancelottie · 04/11/2013 10:49

Buy them a ukulele or guitar.
They will never leave their bedroom again
(or is that just my DS2?)

BerstieSpotts · 04/11/2013 10:50

Does it matter as long as she isn't drinking/shagging/mugging old ladies? I mean, why not let them have their "hanging out" sessions? I can't see the harm?

sashh · 04/11/2013 10:52

You realise that hanging around is not

drugs
pregnancy
alcoholism
more drugs - legal highs
stealing

Then you think how lucky you are to have a decent human being living in your house.

SilverApples · 04/11/2013 10:53

How do you stop all those gaggles of mummies with babies and toddlers hanging around in cafes for hours on end?
Both my two liked aimless rambling around, often with friends. It's the perceptions of adults that need to change IMO.

lljkk · 04/11/2013 11:13

I don't really mind it, as long as they aren't being actively obnoxious. Littering, shouting, swearing etc. are problems, but just chilling is fine. It's normal for oldies all over Europe to gather in public squares and natter & play games with their mates. For hours at a time. Why ban teens from doing same?

I think keeping them talking about their friends is good; hopefully I'll get a heads up if friends are a bad influence.

curlew · 04/11/2013 11:21

I'd much rather mine were doing this-actually interacting with real people - than on the Xbox.

SilverApples · 04/11/2013 11:36

Yes.
Mine both like walking too, as do several of their friends. Does it make a difference whether they are hanging around the shops or strolling along a footpath?

mrsjay · 04/11/2013 11:41

I am not sure what is wrong with her being with her friends and i am sure they are not menacing not really as long mine were in for a certain time and not shoplifting getting up to no good i don't see anything wrong with it during holidays i had 1 dd who never went anywhere it is quite lonely for them

YoucancallmeQueenBee · 04/11/2013 11:50

I think it is such a shame that young people meeting up with their friends and "hanging about" is so demonised here in the UK. We seem to have a knack of making them unwelcome everywhere, so that they end up on street corners or in walkway tunnels.

Not sure what the answer is, but for my own two, I keep them busy and will allow bits of "hanging around", as long as I know where that "hanging" will be done. I'd rather give money for trips to coffee shops, than see either of them lurking. I'm also quite happy for them to have friends over, so that they don't have to feel as though there is nowhere to go but street corners.

3littlefrogs · 04/11/2013 11:52

Sport, music, hobbies, voluntary work.

Seriously though it is all down to the peer group at this age. If their friends all like hanging around street corners, they will all do the same.

I think it is really important to make their friends welcome in your home, even if you end up providing pizza etc. It pays dividends through the teenage years if they feel comfortable to spend time in each others houses.

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