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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Parents who never give lifts!

45 replies

bakehouse · 29/10/2013 12:52

Does anyone else get annoyed with other parents who never give lifts anywhere or am I just being extremely grumpy! For example today DD and friends have gone off to a theme park for the day, a good hours drive away. As usual the same mum has taken four of the girls including my DD and I'm picking up, including her DD. The other two girls parents never even offer but just expect a lift. One of them works (but could still do the late pick up), the other doesn't but seems to always be 'busy' even though the trip was planned weeks in advance! It's the same if the girls go swimming, or shopping or even need picking up from a school sports fixture. I've made a stand before now and refused to take them but it just ends up that they then won't go at all and the trip is cancelled. DD is good friends with the other girls too so wants them to be there and it's really not the girls fault anyway. So annoying!!!

OP posts:

amumthatcares · 31/10/2013 10:32

My DD had a big circle of friends when she was younger and if they needed lifts, it would always be me doing a lift one way and one of the other parents doing the other way. It did bug me, but at the end of the day, I did it for my DD and for my peace of mind, knowing that she would arrive safely. My DD has been best friends with the same girl for nearly 7 years and her parents have never given a lift anywhere. She sleeps over at our house at least once a week and we take her on family outings and holidays on occassion (her parents don't give her any money to spend). My DD has slept at her house once and never been on any family outing with them in 7 years!! Her parents are pretty shit tbh, but I don't hold that against her, she is a lovely girl and like a second daughter to me and I would never exclude her because of how her parents are.

Ursula8 · 01/11/2013 20:06

I live in a city with fantastic bus services. I hate driving and only do it if I absolutely have to. DD has a best mate whose mother drives her everywhere because she refuses to use public transport.
I don't feel guilty at all about the fact that the friends mum drives my DD around a lot because it is all totally unnecessary and absolutely her choice to pander to her DD in this way.

antimatter · 01/11/2013 20:15

I was thinking the same.
One set of parents NEVER give their daughter lift. She relies on others. Those who do are usually like myself - a working parent who does full-time job.
I don't mind driving them if my daughter goes but drew a line at changing my plans if anyone who isn't participating in lift sharing put demands on me :D

GooFawkes · 01/11/2013 20:28

My DS is currently rehearsing for a show. His is not something we be done before as we have 3DC I work FT as does DH but his is evenings. We were asked if DS could do the show as they were short of boys the right size. The person who asked him explained my position to one of the other parents who is helping me out. I am doing what i can, but DS could not do the show without help.

I do try to do my bit, but it don't always easy, and, I am always very appreciative.

madeofkent · 03/11/2013 20:34

As far as I can make out, the lazy parents just don't think. They assume that since you were going there anyway with your own child, you won't mind a few extra ones. But usually it's your own little darling organising the excursion, saying 'my mum will give us a lift'. We live out in the sticks and for the past three years I have been giving lifts in my teeny car to 4 hulking great teenage boys, to a local swimming and picnic lake. Completely illegal as one has to sit on someone's lap! None of the other parents will take them, in fact they don't take them anywhere at all, even though they have cars. They are all expected to make their own entertainment in a very small village, not even a pub. It's a miracle they have all turned out as well as they have. While I was ferrying a couple of them to athletics, it was discovered that the other two were playing chicken, darting out from the village bus shelter. Soon after that, one of the fathers started to join in with the athletics, but gradually my son grew away from them as I took him to various clubs and he made friends away from the village. As far as I could make out, the other mothers spent their entire day doing housework and watching tv. I spent mine gardening and ferrying children around. I think they sort of tried to repay me, but was never sure - they had a sleepover at each house, but I refused to have more than one at a time. They all practically lived at my house as it was. Eventually they all outgrew each other, but I do wonder how it would have been if only their mothers had been a bit more proactive.

madeofkent · 03/11/2013 20:34

I can't believe I wrote three years, it is six!

mrsjay · 04/11/2013 11:47

the theme park fine but do they really need lifted and laid everywhere I mean do you really need to be dropping a group of teens in town is there no public transport ? I might be seen as one of those parents although i dont drive dh is at work most weekend dd is well able to get a bus to town yet a few parents insist she needs a lift it can be a bit . anyway maybe stop taking them places and the other parents might realise you are not a taxi service

NoComet · 04/11/2013 11:58

usual you clearly aren't a country girl.

Walk? Both DCs friends live around 10 miles away in totally opposite directions.

Bus? 1 mile walk to get one on Thursdays or a 3 mile walk on single track lanes the rest of the week!

DD2 has one friend within walking cycling distance and she's just changed schools. No one DD1's age at all.

mrsjay · 04/11/2013 12:03

well obviously if you live in the middle of nowhere they need lifts

Snog · 04/11/2013 18:38

I'm not comfortable for my 14 year old dd to be walking/cycling/taking the bus after dark. Am I being over protective?

LCHammer · 05/11/2013 21:55

Snog - depends where you live, I suppose. I don't like DS on his bike in the dark. I'm ok with him taking the train or the bus and walking a short distance home (London suburb). It's how he gets home from school in winter, in the dark. He's never out after school and weekends he gets occasional lifts if we can.

JustAnotherFucker · 06/11/2013 14:01

Its the cost too! Public transport can be extortionate

4 x teen girls going into town here would cost £10.80 for their bus fares yet is only a 3- 4 mile drive so I don't mind giving lifts in these circs - it makes sense. I just wish other parents would take their turn too!

Greenkit · 11/11/2013 04:40

I rarely give lifts, my children have a pair of legs and there are buses available. I will give a lift if its a long way away or very late at night, but im not the drop here, pick up there type.

DD has a friend whose dad drops his DD off all the time, I just think her friend is lazy, she gets lifts to and from school. Where as DD walks 6 miles a days to get to college.

sleepywombat · 11/11/2013 05:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 11/11/2013 06:23

I don't do lifts as such because my teenagers would rather take the bus/tube/walk than go anywhere with a parent.

But I do end up collecting half of ds1 football team on the way to training or matches which is starting to annoy me a little bit.

I know it's cold. And it's early on a Sunday morning. But you signed them up and paid for the league knowing that your 14 year old is going to have to get to matches every week. And just because I go and watch every week, it doesn't mean that I really want to have to leave my house an hour earlier, drive well out of my way to collect your child and bring him home again whilst you stay in bed every single week. And I do not like the way that no one parent ever says thank you. Or the way they leave their DS to phone my DS and ask for a lift at 9pm Saturday night.

Sorry, that was quite a long rant.

Can you tell I ended up picking up and dropping off 3different boys to 3 different parts of north london yesterday?

SuperiorCat · 11/11/2013 06:41

Tantrums that would really piss me off. I would say yes to lift if they can get themselves to your house only

BranchingOut · 11/11/2013 06:55

I was that child growing up and still feel embarrassed about it.

What were the reasons?

Firstly, there was only one driver, so less flexibility, whereas other families had two cars/drivers.
They thought that I should be walking most of the time.
My father didn't really like my best friend and considered much of our socialising or outings to be unnecessary.
They preferred me to be staying at home!

Most embarrassing of all, we lived in a fairly huge house so I would often see the adult who was bringing me home thinking when they were dropping me off...

Bunbaker · 11/11/2013 07:04

"I don't think teenagers need ferrying about everywhere."

It depends on how good the public transport is where you are though doesn't it.

inncogneetow · 11/11/2013 07:16

When my boys are making plans to do things, they have learned to consider the transport arrangements too. Both dh and I work full- time, he does a lot of evening and weekend work. I have many commitments evenings and weekends too, but I don't drive anyway. They can walk anywhere in town and usually do, then further afield there are buses (not great round here), but good train service, but it's 3 miles to the station.

On Sunday I tried and failed to give someone petrol money because they'd given 3 big lifts, when the original agreement was that we'd do one each.

Ledkr · 11/11/2013 07:19

Dd has a friend who just turns up for lifts to parties no pre arrangement or present/card even for dds birthday party.
She stays here a lot and I take them places where I end up paying.
It's never reciprocated or even acknowledged.
She's a nice little girl tho so I don't mind but it does grate on me sometimes.
I was a lone parent with f time job but I always sent a gift for a party or let kids have a friend to tea.

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