Problems with friends - 14 yr old daughter

[MoRiach1]

Hello,

Really needed to share and see if anyone out there can advise/share experience!

My daughter has fallen out of favour with the group of friends she once hung around with. At the moment she seems to be bouncing around and testing out other friendships but not really settling with anyone.

I think deep down she would like to be back in the group although they seem unwilling to give her a second chance. It is really hurting her and therefore hurting me! I feel helpless...I want to sort out her problems but can't!

Thank you for your kind words! Really helped.

Yes, it's tricky knowing what to suggest. I don't think any of them were real friends anyway or they wouldn't have behaved like this. I think it's the pack mentality, a couple of people decided they didn't like her and the rest followed.

I just have to hope that this will make her a stronger person in the long run, I'll keep talking to her and support her through it!

It was this sort of problem that first brought me to MN some years ago!

Girl friendships often seem full of stress - personally I think the Queen Bees and the much quieter girls are fine, it's those like my DD who will stand up for themselves and their ideas, but are not totally full of confidence who come unstuck.

My advice to your DD would be to keep trying to develop new individual friendships rather than 'group' friendships, and perhaps outside of the school also.

DD is now 20 - still pretty choosy over her friends, but she knows her own mind well enough to feel that there are some things that it's not worth compromising on. I'm still trying to drum into her that no-one's perfect though!

I would encourage your dd to maybe try and branch out a bit. Its a horrible experience for her but also unfortunately a bit of a life lesson. If there is someone she gets on with could she invite them to something after school to try and develop the friendship a bit. could be that one friendly bit with one girl could bring her into a different circle of friends?
other than that I would encourage to not look too bothered in school about what the girls who are being unpleasant to her are doing. let them make themselves look bad and your dd can rise above it.
what I have found with my 15 year old dd is that one group of friends can be having a really lovely friendship whilst at the same time other groups can be complete b**tchs to one another. its almost like they can into a habit of fighting and just can't change the pattern.