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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Porn and teenage boys!

9 replies

louby44 · 14/10/2013 21:36

I have 2 DS one is 10 and one who is 13 (14 at beginning of Dec). He's a typical lad. His body is changing, voice breaking, spots. He's interested in girls, music, clothes etc.

My DP found porn on the family PC a few months back, it's on the landing so everyone walks past it. We changed the settings and put some filters on it. I gently spoke to DS about it but he was VERY embarrassed so I didn't push it too much. but he understood he was in trouble.

Now he's got a tablet and my ex-husband has found porn on that! My ex is really angry about it and is banning all internet use when the boys are at his house which I think is a bit extreme. But I do know it needs to be dealt with.

His dad is coming to pick him up tomorrow and wants to talk to him about it. We are both concerned that a) he will believe that the sex he is watching he will consider to be normal and b) that his brother will get wind of this.

How have other people dealt with this?

OP posts:
Original poster
louby44 · 15/10/2013 18:14

Thanks really useful.

have also emailed the links to my ex-husband

OP posts:
quoteunquote · 15/10/2013 19:21

It's desperately difficult to keep up open dialog, but do have open conversation often,

I tend to try and impress on them that no one has invented brain bleach,

so they need to protect themselves, and be really careful what they allow into their heads, because it will spoil the real thing for themselves when they finally get there (proper relationship), because it will cloud the whole thing.

and remind them women much prefer men that don't need brain bleach, and can instantly tell, the bonus is if you don't fill your head with porn, you will have a lot more fun in bed.

Remind him the only person that can protect his head is himself, and once something is in there it will taint his mind forever.

talk openly about it, and if he resists, point out that he is only ready when he feels comfortable talking openly,

Original poster
louby44 · 15/10/2013 21:38

Well ex came and collected him, took him for a drive so he couldn't escape!

DS wasn't happy on his return, had been crying, told me he hated me! Spoke to his dad and he said it was a tough conversation. DS told him friends at school had told him to have a look and suggested sites, which I partly believe but I'm not stupid.

DS sat on the stairs and eventually came round and hugged his dad. I've not said anything to him yet as DS10 was around but I will talk to him. I aren't embarrassed but I know he will be.

We just want him to be safe and grow up and be a decent human being.

It was only five minutes ago that we bought him home from hospital,where did the past 14 years go?

OP posts:
ggirl · 15/10/2013 21:47

I admire the way you and your ex have handled things ...is all too easy to ignore
I have an 11 yr old..still engrossed in Tracy Beaker but I am wary of the next few yrs of change.
Did you watch the program last night on ch4 called 'diary of a teenage virgin'
Scared the life out of me ...boys watching porn at 12 .

I think kids these days will inevitabley see porn and we have to teach them that it isn't real life ...like movies aren't real life.
God it's hard these days isn't it.
My dd is 21 and it feels like centuries ago !

quoteunquote · 16/10/2013 09:41

It's really hard, especially as most of their peers, have parents who have no idea about internet, and also avoid talking to their teens about internet porn,

Teens are under a huge pressure to join in watching extreme porn,

Once they know that it not them being abnormal, and that they need to protect themselves,

It's alarming how much is shared on phones at school, it's hard to say in a peer group that you find something disturbing,

It going to be really hard for them to grow up without a warped idea of sex, which will impact on future relationships.

ExitPursuedByABear · 18/10/2013 11:23

Marking my place as need to have this conversation with my DD as she has her first boyfriend and I am sick with worry.

As someone said, you can't unsee something.

Mabelface · 18/10/2013 11:27

I've had the conversation about the porn industry and what it involves with my kids. They were shocked and disgusted. I'm not naive, but my boys do treat friends who look at it online with derision. I keep an eye on what they're up to on the pc all the same, and they know that I can find what they've been looking at even if they think they've covered their tracks. I've also talked about respect of yours and other people's bodies.

quoteunquote · 18/10/2013 12:43

It's a good way to open the conversation, ask what they wish they didn't have in their heads.

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