16 year old -inappropriate comments on Facebook- how to deal with?

[Chrissy60]

My son is 16, and although he doesn't know it I can see his Facebook accoun on my iPhone. I don't look at this at all as he is 16 and he has a right to some privacy. However the other day I got a feeling something wasn't quite right, call it mothers intuition or something, so I looked on his account. He never puts anything on the general page but uses private
Messages. I was shocked at what I read, he was calling his dad a twat
, his teacher a fat bastard, etc, his language is choice, swearing all the time. My son has some confidence issues and I realise a lot of this is bravado, and I'm not so naive to think teens don't swear, but I'm concerned should another parent have access to their teens account they will see what my son has written. My son is very intelligent and is doing so well at school, but he is creating the wrong impression of himself. How do I go about bringing this up with him, as he will then know I can see his account. Any advise gratefully received.

My advice is don't. You looked in his private messages, which I think is a huge invasion of privacy when your child is 16. It's his private space. All his friends will be using similar language - that's what teens do.

If he knows you're spying on his facebook account, he'll never trust you again. And rightly so.

He's sending private messages to people he presumably knows - not wearing a "my dad's a twat" T shirt into town. I can see why you're hurt but he really has got a perfect right to say these things, and I doubt he thinks like that for more than just a pissed off few minutes anyway, we've all said things we don't mean. Unless he's messaging his future admissions tutors or employers, what does it really matter?

I think sixteen is a bit old to be monitoring. With my 13 year old I've been very open that I'm monitoring. I've also explained that everything, even private messages are actually visible and traceable. That she needs to think of me as the IT administrator at school, and there will be one even when she's an adult out at work.

Those comments are normal letting off steam for a boy his age. Only intervene if you see something really nasty or illegal. He is a bit old to be spied on like this, will you continue into his adulthood?

You ignore it

His friends parents probably think he's a lovely lad. I bet he's polite to them. They probably envy you having a DC who is doing very well at school.

Don't take this personally. If he was older you'd expect him to have better judgment about what he messages. In a few years time I think you'd have more reason for feeling that he's being disloyal.

My sweet 17YO DD uses some language with her friends that I don't like. And I used to incur the wrath of my DM by saying "Oh hell" .
It's a generational thing.

Obviously the messages wouldn't reflect well on him - but any sensible adult will put it down to bravado (as you say) and being a typical teenager.

Don't worry.

I don't think that it's that bad at all. He probably does think his dad is a twat at times. That's part of being 16. Is the teacher a fat bastard?

he is 16 his dad annoyed him for whatever reason and he moaned to a friend on PM although it is hurtful to see and to realise your child is mouthing off and swearing I think you need to let him rant on to his friends and realise this is what he is doing

FWiw my dd called her dad an arse on twitter it is what they do sometimes

This sounds standard for 13+ tbh maybe even a bit tame from some hilarious things DD shown me

ignore, my DD and her friends use swearing all the time in their messages and facebook posts, they don't do it in frount of me that's all i care about.