Problems with my teenage daughter.

[scenttele]

Sorry, not the most original title. It's late!

I don't think I'm handling things very well with teenage (16) DC at the moment and would appreciate any advice. Also to know if AIBU as my husband works away and I don't want to trouble him with this yet. He will say not, I strongly suspect.

She is addicted to the internet (not unusual), but won't self regulate at all, to the detriment of her school work. I have to go and remove the laptop from her bedroom (and here I wonder if AIBU) as she will literally stay on it all night otherwise and walk around in a tired state the next day.

I've just (hence post) not half an hour ago asked her for the laptop to put away for tomorrow as I'd forgotten to take it back and I noticed her light was still on and she was sitting up typing. She actually asked for more time as she hadn't finished doing something (some code for somebody) and I said unless she could do that immediately then no, as 3.30 should have given her ample time on the computer.

I was then subjected to stomping around, muttered nasty comments (the way she feels she can talk to me now is appalling and I fear it will grow worse) and horrible looks, which seems to happen if she doesn't get exactly her own way .

The sulking and tantrums are more frequent. She only seems to be happy when she is being bought something. But nothing we do is ever enough. She made me cry tonight with her behaviour and when I told her she'd upset me she raised an eyebrow and rolled her eyes.

I smugly thought we'd escaped this sort of thing, but, and I hate to say, I'm finding her so unpleasant at the moment.

Sorry for the jumbled post. I hope you can make some sense of it

Also to add. She takes things without asking all the time and lies about it. She lies an awful lot. Sounds like a small thing, but it's also very wearing when things constantly disappear never to return, including money.

I sympathise. I think it's always going to be hard to go downstairs and state that, in your opinion, she has been on the computer for long enough. I don't know where you are, but I assume it was not 4am when you went in to turn it off. Agree with her (or failing that, tell her) what time the laptop will be removed and then go in ten minutes before that time to remind her. Ask her to put it outside the door ten minutes later.

Muttered, nasty comments are unpleasant. People will tell you not to sweat the small stuff with teens. It's all small stuff though. I limit myself these days to saying, how rude, and looking sniffy. THen refuse all their wants, and refer them back to their rudeness.

Make consequences clear, impose them as evenly as you can, as if they are written in stone and sadly, you can only dole them out in accordance with the law.

threenager, with added nastiness that the little ones don't have.

you are not being unreasonable, most of our parents would have knocked us into the middle of next week for behaviour like this. As that is now out of fashion, follow conkers excellent advice.

explain what she needs to do and how she needs to behave, and that her nasty, bitchy, spoilt muttering is not acceptable. Explain that until behaviour improves, you are removing all the 'wants'. That is internet after a certain time (turn off the router and password protect it), transport anywhere except school, smartphone, pocket money, clothes except school uniform and anything else except food and shelter.

when she becomes pleasant to live with, she can then have the treats back.

please impose consequences. If you don't, eventually someone will, but a lot of people will hate her by then. You included.

best of British.