Can't carry on, emotionally had enough of 16 yr old DD1 I'm in urgent need of advice PLEASE

[Mumtomygirls]

This is my 3rd thread. Can't deal with this anymore :( 16 yr old DD. After weeks of problems (first two threads) it all started yet again today, she told us she is doing this and doing that and we said as long as she does her homework, has dinner & does her chore of washing the dishes she can go out every evening till 9:30pm with her boyfriend or friends. She replied with she doesn't have to ask if she can go out and will come in when she pleases. We have said that no it's homework, dinner & chore then go out till 9:30 that's the deal. Then she said about this ball that she's been invited to which is on the same day as my birthday meal where there will be friends and my whole family. DD said that she's going to the ball and sleeping over in a hotel room with her boyfriend whether we like it or not and she doesn't want to come to my pathetic birthday meal. We said she will be the only member of the family that won't be there and she said BF's family are my family, you're not, they care for me more then you do and they aren't trouble like you! We told her to stop being so rude and she stomped off upstairs kicking everything along the way, then we hear her in our bedroom and go to investigate, her excuse was she was packing her things and going to BF's house and wanted to find a holdall bag. I asked her to leave my room and go and either sit in the lounge or go to her room to calm down. At this point she then blocked me from getting out of my own room, I asked her to move and let me get through and she kept pushing herself into me I called my other DD2 out of her room to ask her to get daddy to help me get downstairs with that DD1 tried pushing me into a collection of glasses and cups that she had removed from her room earlier and was meant to take downstairs. I told her to stop pushing me cause if I land on them it's going to hurt and she said so what now you know what it's like being stopped from doing something and she proceeded to push into me more. DH came up stairs and told her to get off me and let me pass she let me get to the top of the stairs then she stood in front of them and wouldn't let me by again and said that I was trying to push her down the stairs (although might I add I was not touching her with any part of me, she was pushing her body into me to shove me backwards) she eventually moved out of the way and allowed me downstairs. I got in contact with my disabled mum for some advice and she said bring her here and she can spend the night to
Calm down. I got DD1 into the car and drove the 40 minute journey to mums house and then DD1 wouldn't get out of the car, screaming at me and trying to lock me out of the car, I stopped her using the hijack lock and she managed to twist my elbow and punch my hand I realised that there was no way I was taking her into my elderly mum the way she was acting so I got back into the car to drive away and DD1 then climbed into the back seat and wouldn't put her seatbelt on I said I wanted to go home she needed to belt up so I could pull away and she eventually did after about 10 minutes of refusing and then when I was driving along she took the seat belt off while I was on the motorway -.- I told her to put it on and she replied with You know I could smash this car window and jump out, I said don't be so silly now belt up so we can get up safe, she then accused me of kidnapping her and said that she's hated me for months and she doesn't know why she calls me mummy cause I'm rotten and when I die she will be so happy then she said as a matter of fact when both you and daddy go I will have a party cause I don't love any of you now take me to BFs house NOW!

When we reached home she walked into the house kicked the vase in the hallway then the cat and stormed into the lounge. Again we said if she can stop this disrespect she can still go to the ball but we will pick her up at 2am.

I said that I was going to have a chat with her BF to see if that was ok with him (just to make sure he didn't get stroppy with DD1 for it) he was completely fine about it and when I told DD1 that it's all fine she called me a Fucking Whore for talking to her BF and smashed the crap out of her bedroom door again.

Then 30 minutes later she came down and took my new shower gel from the side (newly unpacked shopping from before argument happened) and also took my own personal towel that belonged to grandad and went to go back upstairs. I asked her to use the shower gel that was bought for her and her sister and to use her own towel or the household towels she picked up a bottle of shampoo and threw it at me (smashing and going everywhere on the floor) then she started laughing at me like it was all a big joke. Ran upstairs had a bath and hair wash then came downstairs demanding to know where I was going (I was going to the 24 hour shop to get headache tablets as head was thudding by this time and elbow was throbbing) I told her where I was going and she tried forcing past me to get into the car, I said no she wasn't coming with me as one I need to be alone for a little while and two it was gone midnight and she has school in the morning. I had to get her Dad to help stop her coming with me and get her back indoors. On my return she made a point of sitting in the seat I always sit in so I just ignored it and asked her and DH if they would like a warm drink and she mumbled something then stomped upstairs again calling us all pathetic idiots. I just don't know what to do anymore. Please someone give me some advice that I haven't tried already :(

[Inkspellme]

Yep, as the mom of a teenager, I would wonder how soon the ball is?

[Mumtomygirls]

The ball isn't for a few weeks yet and she already knows she is unable To go because the age restriction set by the event organisers clearly states adults only and they are checking ID of everyone going regardless. So luckily we can't be blamed for this one although it has worked in our favour really.