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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

grandmother of 45..

12 replies

Sligomum · 08/10/2013 23:55

So got a call from DS1 from uni to say his ex girlfriend of 18 1/2 had given birth in her bed and did'nt know she was pregnant..(apparently nor did my 19 1/2 year old student son! and now im a grandma at the grand old age of 45. Have a feeling she did know and wasnt letting on, anyway im so stressed, what with him at uni, and me forfetting the money with no sign of a grant, the other DS2 dropping out of college (doesnt know what he wants to do) and DD1 cutting herself . Oh and did I mention im a midwife...and DP is not half as stressed as me. ( wheres all the money coming from..)_

OP posts:

JustinBsMum · 09/10/2013 04:59

Well DS2 you can't do anything about at present. Given time he will prob sort himself out. DS's girlfriend is living at home I presume, not much you or DS1 can do about that either right now, hopefully her DPs are stepping in. Do you mean you are subsidizing DS1 until he gets grant. Perhaps you or he or DP could phone and chase that up tomorrow. DD1 is worrying, perhaps start with a chat to GP to see what help is available, when you get the chance.

It all does seem a bit of a nightmare but there's nothing you can do this minute, perhaps DP has the best idea.

flow4 · 09/10/2013 05:05

Oh Sligo, I can't offer any real advice, but here's some sympathy! :)

If you're anything like me, most of the stress will come from the fact that you're pretty much powerless here: there's nothing much you can do, and you can't fix it all, can you? :( You may just need to 'be there' for your kids at this point, listen to how they're feeling and help them work out what to do, if they'll let you.

And look after yourself. If you can do some fun things, laugh with friends, exercise, etc. you'll find a bit more energy to deal with it all.

Good luck. :)

monikar · 09/10/2013 10:18

Sligo I'm sorry I can't offer any advice either, you sound like you have such a lot on your plate at the moment and it's all happening at once.

I agree with flow - for me, most of my stress comes from the fact that I can no longer put things right. When the kids are little, we can fix everything and ultimately sort it all out and make it better. The later teenage years have shown me that this no longer is possible and it has been difficult for me to acknowledge to myself that I can no longer fix everything. This realisation brings with it upset and stress though.

Good luck .

TobyLerone · 09/10/2013 10:26

You poor thing. You have so much on your plate

I can't add anything to what everyone else has said. The lack of power in the situation must be so hard to deal with. But it's not the end of the world.

I made my mum a grandmother at 42. She is an excellent grandmother and still young enough to do things with her grandchildren. She now has 5 grandchildren and I'm about to give her a 6th. She's 56 now :o

YoureBeingADick · 09/10/2013 10:26

Stressing/worrying/fretting is useless and damaging. It serves no purpose and will not make you feel better about your situation so choose not to do it.

Accept that this is the situation you are in right at this moment and if there is no way for you to change it then accept that to and give yourself a big hug for doing the best you can. Look after your own emotional well being first and foremost. (((Hugs)))

treehouselover · 09/10/2013 23:30

Hi OP

Firstly congratulations on the new addition to your family

You may not feel like that now, but when you meet your grandchild, and depending on what happens with relations with her family, you might look back and think it's actually great news after all. It's rare to regret a baby being in your family once you've bonded and met them.

My brother had a similar start to Uni. He at least had 3 weeks' notice of being a dad during his first year! My parents were equally horrified, but my lovely nephew is now 17 and a part of our family, even though DB and Dnephew's mum didn't stay together and she's now married with 3 more kids.

They both finished their degree, although she had a LOT of support from her parents, and DB has a good relationship with his son, even though he was barely more than a kid himself when he became a dad.

Don't dwell on the "did she know" thing. She may well have known and been in denial / dealing with it herself. She probably hasn't kept it a secret out of any evil intent. She probably is just very immature herself and either dismissed signs or didn't have the guts to tell. It doesn't really matter and it probably wouldn't have made any difference to your shock when you found out.

Good luck with it all, and I hope your DD is OK x

BackforGood · 09/10/2013 23:42

...although I did read the title and think you (or whoever it was about) had 45 grandchildren, so it could be worse!

lovetolove · 10/10/2013 19:30

Hi you have my sympathy my DD is pregnant at 18 has a history of self harm and her boyfriend is unemployed and in my opinion not fit to be a parent. At least I have had some time to get used to the idea of being a grandparent I'm 48. She was all set to go to uni and its all changed now.

Original poster

Sligomum · 10/10/2013 23:51

Thank you for all your lovely comments, and I'm getting used to the idea now. Just have to sort the other 2 out x

OP posts:

TheArticFunky · 12/10/2013 08:28

My mum was a grandmother at 36!

It will be fine.

SanityClause · 12/10/2013 08:41

So sorry you're having such a stressful time.

Perhaps The Sirius Project could be useful for your DD?

Oh, and and for you.

lljkk · 12/10/2013 10:59

Wow. What a friggin' shock.
My best friend from High School became a Gran at 43, making her own mother a Great-Gran at 60! Mexican, early start to families. My mother & both grandmothers were all teen mums. Very respectable lives followed. Remember Barak Obama's mum was only 18, too.

Best of luck.

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