Found out my daughter is pregnant.

6 replies

figray · 07/10/2013 18:51

She is 19 and living at home. She has been with her boyfriend for about 6 months and they are happy together.

It's still very early, she missed a period and did a home test at the weekend.
The problem is he has immediately started putting pressure on for her to have a termination. She doesn't want one but I can see she is scared of losing him.
I am so worried that pressure from him and his parents will force her to do something she doesn't want to do.

Just feeling very upset at the moment, especially when it's something we should be happy about.

OP posts:

pantsonbackwards · 07/10/2013 18:52

Eek. Sounds like she could do with some space from everyone to think about what she wants.

MummyofIsla · 07/10/2013 19:00

Hi there. My little girl is 15 months and I was 20 and had only been with oh 4 months when I fell pregnant (off at Uni.) My OH pushed and pushed for me to have a termination and in the end I set up a phone consultation with Marie Stopes. They were fantastic and talked me through the procedures etc. in the end it was the reality check that I needed to show me that I wanted to keep my baby and i'm glad every day that I did.

My OH was terrified to begin with and not very supportive but he now can't believe he ever felt and acted that way, he is a fantastic father.

I would sit her down and talk to her seriously about the different options, as an adult. I did this with my parents, my mum explained to me all about the realities of being a mother and that of all her regrets, having her children was never one of them. My Dad tried to convince me to have an abortion (I later found out he was playing devil's advocate) to ensure that any choice I made was mine and mine alone. I think its so important to make sure that she doesn't feel pressurised either way.

Good Luck xx

JazzAnnNonMouse · 07/10/2013 19:04

Well you sound lovely so I'm sure she'll feel supported etc from you which is great.

I'm a 'young mum' too - it can be great.

Wish you all the best.

specialsubject · 07/10/2013 20:23

I'm afraid there are harsh truths here.

if she keeps the baby, he will leave (he doesn't want the baby)
if she aborts the baby, he may still leave and she will always resent him so the relationship is doomed.

while it would be good to hope that he turns out like the other answerer's partner, don't bet on it.

she is the pregnant one and must do what she feels right. It is HER choice. Of course there are big practicalities to consider.

wish her luck. Grown up games, now time for grown up choices. But she has a good mum. :-)

Original poster

figray · 08/10/2013 00:12

Thanks, things seem a bit better now.

We have been talking all evening and she has decided she doesn't want a termination. It's very early, about 5-6 weeks so she is not telling anyone else at the moment.

Her boyfriend is still putting on the pressure but it's a bit of emotional blackmail really. I think they might be ok as they do love each other.

Just have to see how things go.

OP posts:

MummyofIsla · 08/10/2013 08:02

I wouldn't worry about the bf atm, he may well come around and if he doesn't then tbh your daughter deserves better. I think it can take men a little longer to come round to the idea than us women. As I said my bf was determined for me to have a termination and now I can't imagine a better father.

Flip