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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Nasty little shits in the village -what would you do?

76 replies

Orchidlady · 30/09/2013 10:15

Want some thoughts on how to tackle this. DS 13 was threatened yesterday by a much older boy (17 I think) and his "gang" basically had to run into the local and call us to come and get him as was very scared, obviously very distraught. When his dad picked him up these boys these boys were aggressive and swaggering, really facing up. His dad felt he best not to say anything. I really am fed up with this behaviour and sick of DS and other kids being intimated by these people. Without sounding judgemental but the mother is a single parent has 8 kids and expecting her 9th. She has no control over them so no point in talking to her. I know for a fact she was evicted from her last house because of her horrible kids, people applauded when she left. The fact they saw it fit place her here just makes me angry. So now DS will be afraid to go out. I want to call the police but DS begged me not too as he thinks it will make matters worse. Any suggestions?

OP posts:

Original poster

Orchidlady · 01/10/2013 09:27

pants what a nightmare, I really feel for you. Are you powerless, what is happening?
In my experience the police seem to have their hands tied, this family have a curfew applied but no one seems to take any notice.

OP posts:

peggyundercrackers · 01/10/2013 09:42

wait til it is dark with no witnesses then deal with it yourself.

wakemeupnow · 01/10/2013 12:05

what have you got in mind peggy

Original poster

Orchidlady · 01/10/2013 12:09

I know I am intrigued.

OP posts:

wakemeupnow · 01/10/2013 12:11

We had a gun hoarding psycho, his messed up son and abused dogs next to us for a year. I had to stay pleasant as I was scared of him and I wanted to support his son .

People like this rarely stay places long , just believe it's not for ever and try to give out good energy when you encounter them. This can go a long way to changing the dynamics.

Original poster

Orchidlady · 01/10/2013 12:40

Sounds like a neighbor from hell wake. Thank god these people are not next door to me but but some poor sods are. Oh and I am sure they are here to stay, she has got the biggest house on the estate, to accommodate them all, lovely big car, school places for them all. Thank god my kids don't go to the lovely little village school now. You would think she would be thankful for all she is given but no, sadly the one causing the trouble now is the oldest but we will have 8 more little darling to follow in his foot steps. Oh yea I should move accordingly to someone up thread. Really

OP posts:

HeySoulSister · 01/10/2013 15:04

All she is 'given'? You are starting to sound quite nasty now

You don't know much about her except what the village gossips are passing round.

peggyundercrackers · 01/10/2013 15:40

wakemeupnow - i couldnt possibly say what i had in mind - i dont like bullies though - the only thing they understand is their own beahviour - if they bully people they should expect the same back - running to the police will make no difference - bullies ignore the law as it cannot deal with them effectively.

emmelinelucas · 01/10/2013 15:43

Then where is she getting her income from, as a single parent ? It is given - from benefits.
Having lived next door from a family from hell, I know what it is like.
I posted my keys, cancelled my mortgage payments and left.
The lad next door had sn - asperghers and his obsession ? - to burn my house down.
I got NOWHERE.
Everyone on the estate was frightened, and wouldnt dare speak up officially because of reprisals (they were genuine fears - no-one ever spoke up again)
Every time a post like this appears, the apologists appear.
Well, swap houses with the OP if you think you can change things.
Any takers ?

HumphreyCobbler · 01/10/2013 15:46

Only someone who has never has to put up with crap like this, where they live, on a daily basis, would suggest befriending the family. As if that would actually bloody help .

Sorry your son got scared OP. There is nothing like living in a situation where going out of your own house is liable to make you frightened or the target of an attack.

I would log every incident and keep reporting.

HumphreyCobbler · 01/10/2013 15:47

I didn't give a shit what they were living off tbh. It was what they were doing that bothered me.

Mumtomygirls · 01/10/2013 16:00

First things first, get the family's address and search if it is a rented property ie council or housing association. Then if it is rented find out who by and make a complaint to them? Start making a daily log of the anti social behaviour that comes from this family. This will also help if other families in your village do likewise.
Make sure your lad only goes out when accompanied by other people so that he feels safe and make these other people (friends/family) aware of the situation and get them to txt you what happens and when (txt is a better record then voice calling)

I know this May all sound very long winded but as you say your lad doesn't want the police involved so this is next best option.
Don't wait until you complain to make a log, start it now and back date it with as many factual dates and times with what incident.

When your son sees/feels that he has backing of more authority that are "bigger" then these boys he may feel safe to allow you to call the police.

Failing that follow your lad without him knowing (this only works when you have an idea when/where these boys are likely to be) and record them being intimidating and either make an "anonymous" call to the police about a lad (your boy) being intimidated or start collecting and sending in the evidence to your local bobby on the beat

I do hope things start looking up for you

Original poster

Orchidlady · 01/10/2013 16:08

heysoulsister She has 8 kids, 9th on the way, no husband or partner ,she does not work. She was evicted from her last house FACT because she and her kids made people lives a misery. I am sure the authorities do not evict people for a laugh. She has been given a house loads of benefits FACT but still her oldest is drug dealing and making decent kids lives a misery because he is a bully. They think they rule the roost here now and all the kids are afraid of them. And I don't sound very nice. She is a nasty piece of work not me.

OP posts:

HeySoulSister · 01/10/2013 16:32

Is she? So what has she done? You only mention a problem with one of her dc...... I asked way up thread who the rest of this gang are? I also asked you what else has happened?

I was going to suggest logging in a diary.... Reporting to HA/council.....police 101.

HeySoulSister · 01/10/2013 16:34

And if you are 100% sure he's drug dealing... Then SS as she has little kids/new baby living there too. Obviously,anonymously.

You will also benefit from getting everyone else to log/report... More likely to take notice if you all consistently say the same things.

Original poster

Orchidlady · 01/10/2013 16:43

heysoul I could go into lots of detail about the family but is there much point really is there. Sorry I did not see your question earlier. The eldest is 17, he is hanging around 13/14 yr old, basically they are all scared of him so they are all his friend iyswim. Your suggestion of logging things is a good one, trouble is poor DS is now too scared to go to the village. They were openly aggressive to his dad when he picked him. Trouble is people are too scared to say anything to kids like this, I personally would not be able to keep my mouth shut. I did think about going to the house but think it will cause more trouble, I am watching now and waiting.

OP posts:

SpookyNameChange13 · 01/10/2013 16:57

Is her home housing association/council? or private?

Original poster

Orchidlady · 01/10/2013 17:17

I am pretty sure private as not a council estate. Why do you ask?

OP posts:

happygolucky0 · 01/10/2013 18:18

Sounds really pants op. I got a situation too at the mo but it is younger kids than mine being the intimidating party. I am more concerned about the parents being a hassle though.
If police went there or myself. Than I would face bigger troubles with ds walking around. It is a difficult situation I feel for you. Need a nice big dog for him to borrow !

happygolucky0 · 01/10/2013 21:22

I have just been reading that even if it is a private landlord, the local Authority have powers to take the landlord to court for anti social behaviour. So it may be worth getting in touch with them.

Original poster

Orchidlady · 02/10/2013 08:27

big dog

OP posts:

bubby64 · 03/10/2013 23:38

We had a similar problem until recently, luckily, the family concerned have now moved on, they applied for yet a bigger house to accomodate the next child on its way, I know for a fact the there were at least 3 different fathers to the 5, soon to be 6 kids in theat family. They made my boys lives and some of the other kids in the village lives a misery, and also caused a lot of damage around the village.
We logged complaints with both the police and the council who owned the house, it was all we could really do. The eldest 2 boys had already been excluded from the High school, and the even younger ones (girls) were causing chaos at the village school, the whole family laughed at the head when he called the mother in to talk about the girls behaviour.
I think the whole village breathed a sigh of relief when they moved on!

pantsonbackwards · 04/10/2013 07:56

Why are some posters on here always so reluctant to believe that families like this exist!?

You can't make friends with them, well we can't to our neighbours. They live their life by a completely different code and a completely different idea of what is acceptable and will react to even a "hello" in an aggressive intimidating way. They've even shouted abuse and threats directly at my dcs who are INFANTS school age! These aren't just a bit misunderstood, they are aggressive, violent, arseholes.

They are arsenists. They are thieves. They've kicked my shed in and trashed my garden. They have even broken into my house and had fun going through my stuff and taking what they like. I won't be trying to make friends with them ffs.

Op. The housing association, counselling and anti social behaviour team are all building a case, but we need actual evidence for it to stand up in front of the judge who would make the decision to evict them. Unfortunately as someone else up thread experienced, everyone else is to frightened to speak up. They would have to make a report and no one will do it although will complain to me about them all the time. Im dealing with it alone. It would be much easier to make a case if others spoke up but if its just me it could in theory look as though Im being malicious.

They may still be in a housing association house despite it being a private estate. I believe they can just buy houses where they need them. Would be easy to check though.

pantsonbackwards · 04/10/2013 07:59

What makes it worse is that the younger children of the family are really lovely and sweet. But there is no way they will stay like that. They are being raised to believe that the rules should be broken just like their older brothers and sisters.

pantsonbackwards · 04/10/2013 08:24

Oh and i was friendly when they first moved in but they looked at me like i was crazy and closed a door in my face. I carried on trying for a couple of years! These are people who know they are going to make other peoples lives hell and see no reason to behave like nice people or even pretend to be friendly.

They were also evicted from their last place for the same things.

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