My 14 year old son's friend may be pregnant do I tell her Mum?

[lucozade98]

My 14 year old son and I have a reasonable relationship and he does talk to me about a lot of things especially where his friends are concerned, sex, drugs and drink (which all scares me to death) he came out last year and a lot of his friends are female.

He has told me that one of his friends thinks she may be pregnant and she has asked him to buy her a pregnancy test and if it is positive to go to the clinic with her. He is staying over at hers tonight.

I know the girls Mum from when my son has stayed at her house and I have dropped him off and said hello and to check that he is going to be where he says he is or when she has stayed with us.

My question is regardless of whether the test is positive or not (I'm not naive if he has told me it means he has already bought the test for her) should I speak to her Mum knowing that this would damage the relationship with my son because he will not trust me or confide in me going forward.

My gut feeling is to not say anything unless the test is positive but if it is positive should I tell her Mum?

Any advice appreciated.

I wouldn't say anything. I would support him to support her to tell her mum.

You could destroy his trust in you.

Yy

You should encourage him to get her to confide in her mum

Don't go over his head

Is it his???!

Encourage him to to get her to tell her Mum, offer your support if she would llike it when talking to her parents?

She needs to tell them, he can offer to be there or even to ask you to be there but she has to do it

I have said to him that if she is pregnant he needs to get her to speak to her Mum and he has asked me if I would talk to the girl (not the mother) but I am not comfortable doing that as I am not her Mum.

I am just concerned that a 14 year old girl may have to go through that alone if I don't step in - maybe wait untill I find out if it positive although apparently she is 2 months late - hopefully it is just the drama of teenagers!!

And no he's not the father as he is gay, if he was I would be all over it x

If it is positive I would speak to the girl and say she needs to tell her mum or you will have to?

I don't think you should tell her mum. It would probably mean that your son will stop talking to you and could cause problems in his friendship with this girl, it sounds like she really trusts him and values their friendship. she probably really needs him right now and you speaking to her mum could destroy the trust she has in your son.

You don't know how her mum will react, they may not have the kind of relationship you and your son do. It could make this whole situation worse. this girl may have good reasons for not wanting her mum to know.

You talk to the girl and explain she really does need to tell her Mum and you will come with her etc?

You could speak to the girl to find out what her worries about her mum are and encourage her to speak to her mum (maybe practise what she wants to say with you). And if that fails then you can offer to go with her or for her if she wants help with telling her mum.

Once you've told you can't un-tell, and if they feel they can trust you then there is at least one adult making sure she doesn't get into more dangerous trouble than she's in already. Things like quietly checking the clinic she's going to is legit and that she knows there is a house where she is free to have a quiet cry could be very valuable.

Oh and "have a spare pregnancy test" in the bathroom cabinet. If neither of them have much money the ones in chemists/supermarkets are quite pricey.

Thanks for your opinions, I've always read Mumsnet but never felt the need to ask for advice before and I really appreciate your input.
I've gone for the screw it lets do it way and just text him and asked if she has taken the test yet (I know he will have bought it for her).... lets see, God I'm so hoping it's negative!!!

I will keep you updated x

He's just text me and it's negative - I hate teenagers!! thankyou for your support I will be emailing again xxx

Glad to hear that the drama is over.