Daughter and wife in physical fight - part 2

[northernDad38]

See posts in previous thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/1828326

I mentioned the precious situation to my GP who said that he he should mention this to the social worK referral team. The have said that although there's no urgency,as a duty of care they need to be involved. My GP even paid a brief visit to explain this to my DW.

Unfortunately my DW was horrified and thinks our children will be taken into care!

To make matters worse my DD was appallingly behaved when she came in from school....

Of course she was horrified, she's been found out and isn't getting away with it. You have done the right thing NorthernDad and if your wife doesn't want her children taken into care then she needs to Get her self sorted out and start treating them, both, and you like a non-abusive parent/spouse would.

Well done and good luck.

The children will only be taken into care if social workers judge you can't keep them safe from serious harm. If they judge that your wife's behaviour is dangerous to the children, they are much more likely to ask her to remove herself from the family, or you to remove the children from unsupervised contact with her.

A really brave move and absolutely the right one. Sorry that you and your family are having such a hard time. I don't have any experience of dealing with social services but I hope you all get the support to get through this. Good luck

I havn't read your previous thread, but it sounds like you've done the right thing.
However, I would say be on your guard with regards to social services.

My DW continues to be horrified at what I did by involving our GP, she says she was feeling better and her stronger anti-depressant course was working for her but now I've ruined everything.

My DDs behaviour has become increasingly difficult, she insulted us in the car as we were taking her to the bustop and was later spoken to by my mum and appeared to be upset. She agreed she would apologise when she came home from school.

Of course she didn't and the more I tried to talk to her, sensibly and calmly the more aggressive she became and ended up just sitting on the staircase kicking the wall. I'd even made her a hot chocolate to try and make peace with her but after five minutes of kick "Can you come down please." kick "NO!" kick "Please i won't be cross I just want to talk." kick "NO." etc etc I gave up and tipped her drink down the sink.

I eventually got her to come down and sit on the computer in the lounge and when her friend rang out of the blue it was a different story.
I let her see her friends over the weekend thinking that might let her blow off some steam and I wasn't cross when she came back later than agreed.

BUT tonight she was dropped off by the Police after an incident at a bus stop with some other kids!! (no charges or caution but Police didn't seem impressed)

She still wasn't sorry or even concerned or embarrassed that she'd been involved with the Police and was equally resentful and uncommunicative.

My DW is absolutely devastated and says it's all my fault and we should divorce.

How did I become the bad guy here?

You are not the bad guy. DW is deflecting the blame just as previous posters warned on your first thread. Only you took the right steps first so it isn't going to work.

DD is probably, and justifyably, angry. Angry at the way she's been treated so far and again at the involvement of 'outsiders' , keep telling her that you are there for her, remain calm with her. She will likely come round given time and encouragement but be prepared for a long wait.

If you could get her to have some therapy that would help her immensely, but she may be unwilling to cooperate at this stage.

Hi northern

I remember your last thread. You have absolutely done the right thing.

Big hugs to you x

Thanks for the support ppl, I'll be making a few calls tomorrow but I'm fairly certain my DDs behaviour seems to be getting worse and worse.

I'm trying to hold things together, I've been prescribed anti-anxiety drugs and I've got a major work assessment in just over a week...

I feel like my whole family life is on the brink...

I'm not surprised you need the anti-anxiety meds. I'm glad your GP is listening to you.

Good luck with everything.

You are not alone teenage years can be terrible, your daughter may be okay long term especially with a supportive father

I read your other thread take it from experience that you are doing the right and brave path. Not doing anything and continuing to cover up what happened could have left you with no daughter who leaves home early and wife staying the same and little daughter coming to the same fate. What u are doing actually is the best thing for your wife giving her a real reason to stop being agressive and violent and showing her u won't hide it minimise it and be a victim any more. You are telling daughter this wasn't right and we do not have to be treated this way. You are showing clear boundaries and if your daughter behaves worse and worse it is even more reason that your wife cannot see red and lose it with her. I hope u keep posting for support.