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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

omg let me know there is hope

9 replies

Justnotwhitewine · 26/09/2013 23:54

Sorry. Really need to know that this friends/ lack of friends/ apparent friends lying to her and dumping her/ etc etc will end. I really don't know what to say anymore and cant bear to bore you with whole saga.14 yo Girls school/ cliques / jostling for popularity etc. Just trying not to cry. Feel I have failed as mother, feel shitty cos sound sorry for myself, just lost in this. She is beautiful and physically attractive- males will stop and stare at her even if I am there which I find shocking. She is an academic achiever. She cries about school daily and I am almost scared to ask how school was cos dont want to upset any emotional equilibrium she had managed. So fucking sad and lost

OP posts:
claraschu · 27/09/2013 04:57

I am so sorry you are going through this. 13-15 is the worst age; they are so grown up in the wrong ways, and so childish in the wrong ways. My (very academic) son took a term off school when he was 14 and went back to a new school in January. This was a fresh beginning for him, and the best thing he ever did. He got perspective on all the nonsense of school, and was able to reinvent himself once he escaped from the judgements of his old classmates.

I don't know if this is an option for you, or if HE would interest you, but it helped my son immensely when he was struggling with social problems.

cory · 27/09/2013 07:16

It does get better. They get less dependent on their friends and more focused on their own interests. Dd who has just started sixth form college reports that the former cool kids are a bit lost, because they are the ones who have depended on their alpha status and feel like fish out of water when nobody is interested any more. The ones who have never had that are doing a lot better, because they can just get on with it.

teenagetantrums · 27/09/2013 07:38

It does get better, my DD is now 16 and the whole friendship drama seems to have stopped for the most part, we had a nightmare year when she was about 14/15. You have to just try and sympathise, and keep saying it will get better, get her to try and distance herself from it all. Also if you can keep her off the internet in the evening, when my daughter was going through friendship issues, it was 24 hours a day, they argue at school them the drama carried on all night on facebook so there was no break from it for her at all.

Original poster
Justnotwhitewine · 27/09/2013 13:42

She could move for sixth form but started gcse courses this year. I agree that seeing her look on fb etc is awful like punishing herself unnecessarily. I will try to keep her active and perhaps have an out of school activity which she does not have currently and really just grit my teeth and hope it passes. Yes I can see the way that some of the cool group would be lost without being in that group and I think there may be an element of protecting their ground. I hope that some other friendship flux comes along sooner rather than later :/

OP posts:
Fairyliz · 27/09/2013 21:51

Agree with other posters, this was awful at the age of 14/15. My daughter who is now 16 moved school for her A levels and I can't believe the change in her. She has been so grown up, sensible mature and most of all happy the last four weeks its magical.

sashh · 28/09/2013 09:27

Sounds like me at that age.

Nothing in life, for me, has ever been that bad. Just get through it the best you can and get out ASAP. Do not stay there for A Levels (still have not forgiven my parents 30 years later).

She will be one of life's survivors and successes.

Original poster
Justnotwhitewine · 28/09/2013 16:01

Will saying something to the school be helpful or counterproductive does anyone think??
Thank you for your kindness - makes me tearful and I feel so much less alone

OP posts:
insancerre · 28/09/2013 16:08

it does get better
DD was unbearable at 14, I felt exactly like you- a failure as a mother. It completely shook my whole world, I felt like a fraud, a worthless person who didn't have a clue about anything.
DD is 17 on Monday and I couldn't be more proud of her. She is beautiful, kind, funny, generous, and best of all, emotionall stable.
We have been on a roller coaster,but we have a very strong relationship now.
What really helped was support from school. She had individual counselling sessions every week. It gave her a chance to work things out and just realise that there are people who do care about her and that she is a person worthy of liking.
Speak to the school

SauvignonBlanche · 28/09/2013 16:14

I could have written the first part of the OP. Sad

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