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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Difficult teenager

4 replies

exdgw · 17/09/2013 09:55

Our 17-year-old son is causing us great anxiety.
He struggled academically at school and left at 16 with mediocre qualifications. His main passion is music (drums) for which he has a talent and he started a level II course a year ago at the local FE college and initially made reasonable progress.
After six months he met his first real girlfriend. They have become virtually obsessed with each other. They see each other every day spending as much time as possible together. His college work suffered and he abandoned the course last April. He has become withdrawn from us and his other friends, still maintaining his relationship with his girlfriend.
We sought medical help and he was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder and prescribed Atomoxetine. This explains some of the complaints we have had from his teachers regarding a lack of attention.
A few weeks later, his girlfriend went on holiday with her parents and so we took him on holiday at the same time to distract him. Whilst away he became very anxious, demanding to be took to America where his girlfriend was on holiday. He threatened to self-harm.
We abandoned our holiday and saw his consultant who prescribed Ritalin in addition to the Atomoxetine. This appears to have helped his occasional impulsive behaviour.
The plan was that he would restart is music course in September, however when the day arrived he said he couldn't. He won't entertain looking at getting a job or following another course. He spends the day in his bedroom waiting until his girlfriend finishes school so that they can meet up.
We are trying to be supportive but inevitably our patience cracks.
Could anybody give us any advice?
Thanks
David

OP posts:
Palika · 17/09/2013 16:17

Sorry to hear that. I don't think all this medication is the answer to everything even though it might help a bit in the short run.
I think you need to stop helping him so much and make him aware that he has his own responsibility. Stop giving him money and make life so hard for him until he comes to his senses. but don't forget to maintain a loving relationship throughout.

TheWave · 17/09/2013 16:20

Bumping for you.

No real advice but I wondered if there are any other adults/young people that he trusts to talk to further about his plans for the future.

Are you sure that his mental health issues are fully sorted and diagnosed? When is your next consultant appointment? What does his girlfriend think?

flow4 · 17/09/2013 23:21

This sounds worrying to me. I think you need to set aside your reservations/concerns about his girlfriend, and support him to seek more help with his anxiety. Staying in his room all day, dropping out of college, threatening to self harm, being so distressed you had to abandon your family holiday, making irrational demands to be taken to America... All this sound like depression or some other mental health problem, rather than (or as well as) ADD. I really don't think punishment is appropriate unless/until you can rule out mental illness. I think you should get him back to the GP, or another doctor, for a second opinion.

Meanwhile, it can be really hard to live with someone who's behaving like this, even if you're sympathetic. You need to look after yourselves and make sure you get some 'time out', do some enjoyable things, etc. so you can keep your own stress levels manageable.

Good luck. It sounds very difficult for all of you.

Lex12 · 18/09/2013 10:25

Some years ago my ds was prescribed atomoxetine to replace Ritalin but it was stopped as it made him very tearful and unstable. He has since been maintained on a combination of concerta (slow release Ritalin) and abilify, an antipsychotic. May be worth checking side effects of atomoxetine if your ds has become worse since starting it. Best wishes.

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