DD has been snatched by aliens or What happened to my little girl?!

[cariboo]

DD is just 13 and suddenly, my child is gone. It was that fast - she had her birthday and then... BAM!! Literally. Doors slamming, major shouting, tears, defiance, make-up EVERY morning, communication shut-down (complete with the classic, "You don't understand ANYTHING!!"), etc, etc.

I've brought up two babies, two toddlers and two littluns. Know everything there is to know, pretty much, but just when I was feeling comfortable, I've now got a TEEN to deal with and there's been no "introductory period". Are there any manuals out there? I'm serious: I don't know how to bring one of these creatures up!

I have totally the same issues I have 3 then my eldest hit 13 omg !! A year ago u wouldn't believe it's the same girl , one day at a time is my coping mechanism and knowing we are not alone x

As a mother of two girls now 18 and 15 I understand exactly what you're going through.

"MUM YOU'RE SO STUPID YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ME OH MY GOD" was the most used phrase I believe.

It is a phase that all teenage girls will go through and by the time she hits 14 she'll realise how stupid she was being. Just don't tolerate any of her crap and remember her stroppy teenager phase will be over as soon as it began.

Good luck with it!

I drink a lot of tea (has to be tea, anything stronger and I'd pass out by lunchtime) and spend a lot of time cleaning/cooking/keeping busy just to stop me reacting to some of the things which are said. Just remember they don't mean any of it. They're just asserting themselves, being hormonally angry about things and you're the only person they can lash out at who won't stop liking them because of what they said/did. We all said the terrible two's was a phase, this is also a phase and they do come out of it. In the meantime don't react - it only leads to bigger arguments. The other thing is not to ask them questions about anything. I've found if I question them about what they've been doing at school etc, they get a bit huffy, but if I don't bother, they come and tell me about it.

The upside is that they tend to spend more time shut up in their room, so you do get more peace and quiet.

Do u know what I just like knowing I'm not alone in all this and im not a bad mum ect x

When your baby becomes a teen, you as the mum become very embarrassing for them to have around their very cool friends. You can be embarrassing by the clothes you wear, the way you stand, the things you buy, the things you say, even breathing. This does pass. DD is 17 now and she and her friends can interact with me and it is lovely - like talking to a group of adults.

I read somewhere that the reason they are so difficult and are so rude and argumentative because they are practising asserting their independence and learning how to be a separate person. That is not very helpful to know when they are so defiant but I think most teens go through it.

I agree with not asking them too much, it does not work. Conversely, when they want to talk to you, if you make yourself available, then they will tell you loads. They usually want these conversations when you are busy doing something of your own - with DD it is usually at about 11pm when I am reading in bed. However, that is when they confide in you and that is when you get a lot of information. My DD has told me things that her friends get up to which I have found really shocking - the key here is to keep a neutral expression and not to react even if inside you are thinking omg.

If you need to have a difficult chat with your teen, then the car is a good place for this to happen. They cannot leave the conversation, you don't have to have eye contact, and you have something to do.

It does pass, as others have said, a bit like the toddler tantrum stage.

Good luck .

Just to offer everyone a little bit of hope that it does pass. Your DD or DS grows up and turns into an adult and suddenly becomes a friend. DD takes me out for manicures and girly chats, DS took me out for dinner recently and said thanks for all you have done for me Mum.......

Hang on in there :)