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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I am just going to have a vent. Ds1 (14) Screeeaam!!!!!

21 replies

Sparklingbrook · 09/09/2013 17:42

DS1 has been playing footy for teams since he was 7. This summer was decision time as towards the end of last season he was less than enthusiastic. So he, DH and I spent ages weighing it all up against GCSE work etc, whether he was really interested in carrying on.

He very nearly decided to jack it in, then decided , no he would carry on and we said 'are you sure' x10000 and it was a yes. We reminded him there would be training Mon, Tues and Friday. So we signed up and signed the standing order and the annual fee was paid and told the coach.

First training session tonight 5.30. And yes, you've guessed it. he doesn't want to go, and hasn't gone. Angry Angry Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 09/09/2013 17:54

Now he is having a row with DH. Sad

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CaptainSweatPants · 09/09/2013 17:56

Can you get the money back ?

dingit · 09/09/2013 17:56

Teens! Can't live with them, can't live without them. You have my sympathy, this is exactly like my Ds 12. Exasperating doesn't cover it.

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 09/09/2013 17:58

Well fortunately it's a monthly standing order, so can just be stopped Captain. It seems that he just didn't fancy training tonight but doesn't seem to want to jack it all in. Confused

DS2 (11) has shown him up by going to his training.

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LaurieFairyCake · 09/09/2013 17:59

Don't argue at all

Just deduct it from pocket money - ALL the costs

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 09/09/2013 18:00

He's got a right face on him now. DH has told him if he's not going to training then no Ipad/PS3. Good call i think.

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Gilbertus · 09/09/2013 19:31

So frustrating. This is the age where lots of kids give up sport as you do have to train properly - natural talent only gets you so far when you are 14 Smile

bigTillyMint · 09/09/2013 19:34

Sparkling, DH would go bonkers if DS said he didn't want to go to training (which is entirely possible as he is now playing for a club 2 trains away, training on a cold wet night in winter won't seem too attractive) - lucky he's as keen as mustard ATM!

I think your DH is right - he is old enough to have to stick to his decisions.

curlew · 09/09/2013 19:36

Oh, I never know about this. On the one hand, he has said he wants to go- on the other, it's football- why should he go if he doesn't want to? Why not lay off this week- then see how he feels next?

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 09/09/2013 19:42

Well, he has a match tomorrow, then more training on Friday and a match on Saturday and another on Sunday, I have a feeling he will want to play in the matches. Hmm Well if I was the coach I would pick the team from the kids who turned up to training.

I know what you mean curlew.

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bigTillyMint · 09/09/2013 20:18

Yes, DS always wants to play matches! Hopefully his coach will put him straightWink

curlew · 10/09/2013 09:06

At my ds's club not coming to training without a good reason means not getting picked for matches. There were a lot of very cross parents when that was introduced!

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 10/09/2013 09:11

Too right curlew if I was the coach i would have that rule.

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survivingthechildren · 10/09/2013 11:23

Ah Sparkling. I have many a DS myself and can emphasise.

Can you big up his commit to the team? Tell him that he has to see the month/season out as he has now committed and cannot let the others down? YY to taking costs out of pocket money. 13 is old enough to understand the value of such, and to know better than to throw money away like that.

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 10/09/2013 11:38

Well there's a match tonight surviving and he's keen to play in that. But I will be having a chat with him about it all. He needs to learn he can't pick and choose.

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secretscwirrels · 10/09/2013 13:06

Sparkling Ah yes been there done that got the football kit / cricket kit / judo kit / rowing .........to prove it.
DS2 (15) has serious form for enthusiastic take up of sport followed by swift loss of interest. I have now learned that if there is any hesitation on their part I don't pay a year's subs.
In fact DS1 has done it as well. He was a member of local athletics club for years and last year needed some new spikes. They are expensive and not easy to find in size 12. The following week he didn't go and hasn't been since.

I used to make them carry on when they were younger and wanted to give stuff up. I dragged DS1 to piano lessons long after he started to hate it. I made DS2 do football for a year even though he hated it. I did it because I wanted them to persevere and honour commitments.

I truly regret it now as it made no difference in the long term but caused endless rows. Twas a wrong parenting decision in hindsight.

bigTillyMint · 10/09/2013 15:12

secret, I would have been soAngry about the spikes!

Yes, I agree there is a fine line between encouraging and forcing them to carry on.

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 10/09/2013 15:21

He blows hot and cold about everything at the moment. He's all 'Yes! yes!' until the time comes then it's all 'Do I have to?'.

His weekly paper round tomorrow. it's been great in the holidays, all delivered by 2pm. He will have to start at 4.30pm tomorrow, and I know there will be moaning, after a day at school.

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Palika · 10/09/2013 17:41

hahaha - that reminds me when I 'agreed' with DS14 that he 'wanted' to have private tuition with a flute teacher. I hired the teacher, he had two lessons and he never practised once. Oh, the humiliation of having to fire that poor teacher again!

That's teenagers - they just do not have the ability to make those kind of decisions.

There were a few more of those 'mutually discussed and agreed' things that DS would not follow through and now I just make my own judgement of what 'I' think he really wants. Much easier that way!

Kleinzeit · 10/09/2013 18:22

Could this month could be his trial period for football? If he goes to all the other sessions he can continue, if not, that’s that. Or generally, if he misses more than a couple of practices in a month or whatever seems right, then that’s the end, no more renewals?

He may start to feel more loaded with GCSE work, and it's hard to predict that before term starts.

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 10/09/2013 21:12

I think I will review at Half term Klein, see what the feeling is then. he played tonight and they lost-cue more moaning.

Poor Flute teacher Palika. Sad

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