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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

HELP! Please advise.nearly 17 yr old son...problems (((:

2 replies

smileyforest · 02/09/2013 22:01

Son off to 6th form....managed to get all GCSE's that he needed..without much studying...turbulent time at School...now fresh start at new Sch.....badly needed...HOWEVER its the GF that is the problem...I came home after work to hearing them upstairs (she screaming iykwim)!! She is also possessive and bossy and we have all noticed a difference in my son. She has a 'hold' over him but its 'lust'....also he says she has BIPOLAR...Im just so worried for him...he is protective of her but I have had to stop her staying here as felt my 'easy going' way was being abused...bedroom left filthy...and rudeness...son just home ..can write more at the moment...get the gist???

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 02/09/2013 22:07

All I can say is that the bigger fuss you make about her the more interesting she is likely to get. Lust only lasts so long. Maybe a new school=new people= new objects of lust!!
I'm not very sure what you can actually do. If you think he will be receptive then a calm, adult conversation about how you feel he has changed and what kind of behaviour you expect from him in your house. Try not to be too negative about the GF you will probably push him further towards her.

chocoluvva · 03/09/2013 09:45

My DD was in a very similar situation when she was 15 - minimal studying resulted in quite good exam results and bossy, negative BF + bossy, negative BF's family. DD became more and more withdrawn and not her usual bouncy self.

You must not criticise the GF. I can not stress that too much. If you can manage it, appear to be very enthusiastic about her and terrifically sympathetic to any problems she has. Cook her favourite dinners and gush all over her at the table. Ask her opinions about things. This will give your DS the opportunity to see the difference between her and all the other lovely people in his life - eventually. You will be perceived as kind, thoughtful, good company - she will come to seem no fun and a drag on him eventually.

Boost your DS self-esteem as much as possible too - compliment him at every available chance - his looks, any kind/patient/helpful/ thing he does however trivial. You want him to feel loved and valued by his family - so that he doesn't feel he 'needs' his GF for love or attention.

Do fun things with the rest of the family - invite him with or without the GF - have lots of fun and be sure to mention the fun you had to him.

Welcome his other friends and try to subtly encourage him to spend time with them.

I do sympathise - it's awful when they have a GF/BF who seems to be pulling them down. Try not to panic - hopefully it won't last and he will be learning useful life lessons. It's the timing isn't it? Just at the time you hope they will focus on their education.

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