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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Opinions needed quickly please!!! 13 yr old DD going to seaside on her own..

48 replies

Gymbob · 30/08/2013 22:42

Do you think my 13yr old DD is too young to get a bus with her best friend to a seaside town that's about 40 miles away and spend the day there? They are going tomorrow morning, and even though I have said ok I do have reservations about it and it's weighing on my mind...

Both girls are very independent and mature for their age, but not sure if that alone makes them vulnerable and they are potentially putting themselves in danger.

Please tell me what you think.....quickly.........thanks so much....

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 31/08/2013 07:51

I guess they are just going into Y9? Can either an adult go - not with them but to hang out there so they can check they are OK? Or suggest somewhere fairly cool but nearer to go?

Are they experienced in going off on their own for the day?
It is 99% likely that they would be fine, but if there was a problem, you couldn't be there that easily.

DD wanted to go to the seaside with a few of her friends a few days after she turned 14. Admittedly it is further than 40 miles and involves trains, but thankfully other parents were of the same opinion and we managed to dissuade them and suggest somewhere nearer as we didn't want them going off that far away. And these are girls that go into Oxford Street on their own quite regularly

mathanxiety · 31/08/2013 07:52

I wouldn't allow it. Too far, too young, and there is a resort as well as the beach so too dangers, not just one.

Have you spoken with the other parents? How much independence have they enjoyed up to now?

DragonsAreReal · 31/08/2013 07:58

The only problem I would have would be the sea and if the beach was like my nearest each and full of sinking mud. Going off for the day wouldn't bother me and if you can trust them not to do more then paddle if the tides up then I don't see the problem.

saintlyjimjams · 31/08/2013 07:59

I'd allow it providing they're sensible about the sea.

Can't see the problem with taking one bus - what can happen? Not like they need to negotiate loads of changes. . Ds2 is 11 & as of next week is going to have to get to grips with multiple buses (either 2 buses or bus plus walk, different buses/directions depending on the day) to get to & from school.

My concerns would be a) the sea b) missing last bus home - providing they're sensible enough to deal with that then fine. Your job is to get your child to independent confident adulthood. Taking one bus a reasonable distance seems a good step on that road.

livinginwonderland · 31/08/2013 09:35

Of course they'll be fine. My best friend and I got the train to Cambridge (40 mins away) on our own all the time at that age. We just had to text/call when we got on the train home to let our parents know when we'd be back.

Original poster

Gymbob · 31/08/2013 17:51

well they are on the way back now and have had a good day. the traffic is bad as expected so she won't be home til gone 7.

thanks for all your input. it's great to read it whether your for or against. I wouldn't go anywhere else for honest straight talking advice

she is very independent and travels every day on buses. goes to school into the city centre every day and out all day with friends regularly.

I was never worried about the sea though, she would only ever paddle and would never risk getting her hair or make up wet

I will be talking to her about one thing when she gets back though. she was taking an inappropriate party dress for the beach that I saw just in time. no doubt to impress the boys. will want a good reason for that when she gets back

OP posts:

MrsFrederickWentworth · 31/08/2013 18:13

Gym, glad it has gone well. Obv if she has been doing this traveling to school, she is pretty confident.

Worth doing a sort of lessons learned with her at some stage, eg doing the washing up, in a car ( the no eye contact syndrome) ?

Eg, what was special, what would you do next time, what would you avoid, and what would you have said in my place? Can include the dress there?

I sometimes do this with Ds and he does reflect more, even if not then, then later.

The rules are my standard ones. We live in a suburb of London and some parents used not to let their dcs do anything unaccompanied or unchauffered, anyway.. so these were mine from the age of about 9 onwards, dependent on the companion. We did discuss whether you needed stronger ones for wilder companions.

bigTillyMint · 31/08/2013 18:14

Glad it all went well.

saintlyjimjams · 31/08/2013 19:45

mathanxiety · 31/08/2013 19:51

I would be very about what was afoot given the dress she had packed. I think the sea may have been irrelevant to this trip.

How well do you know the friend?

Original poster

Gymbob · 31/08/2013 23:55

Thanks Fred. will be doing the no eye contact investigation as you suggest, it's always a good one

anx, thanks. inappropriate clothing is an ongoing issue. but to be fair to her she didn't try to hide it I was in the room when she was packing her bag. she just couldn't see the problem with it. as for the best friend, well she is another story and we have a big cultural difference with her family. haven't tackled that one yet

was more cross that she said she'd be back at 7 and didn't get back til 9. will be ringing the bus co to check her story.

OP posts:

Monty27 · 01/09/2013 00:01

I wonder if they came across anyone tattoos and anyone who shops at Netto, a foodbank person.

Curlew I assumed part of the worry of going to the beach was, erm tomb bombing etc, that was my concern when ds wanted to go. Oh and naughty girls wearing inappropriate clothing etc.

Original poster

Gymbob · 01/09/2013 00:15

sorry Monty didn't acknowledge you. I didn't mean to offend, I have shopped at aldi and netto is that ok? was only having a wind up, I'm sorry x x x

OP posts:

NoComet · 01/09/2013 00:18

Is it possible for a dress to be inappropriate on a beach?

Since standard beach wear is bikinis or tshirts and hot pants I think that is actually impossible.

DD1(15) would either be in a skimpy bikini if it was hot or a wet suit if it was cold and swimming across the bay totally oblivious to any boys.

Original poster

Gymbob · 01/09/2013 00:18

oh and my husband has an awful cheap tattoo of a former girlfriend. he had it done when he was drunk and doesn't remember.

am I forgiven?

OP posts:

Monty27 · 01/09/2013 00:18

O Gym don't worry. Glad dd had a good day and is home safe. I was a wee bit offended on behalf of the struggling nation, but now I know you're one of us

We don't have a netto! :(

Original poster

Gymbob · 01/09/2013 00:19

you should see the dress star. it would be best suited to a night club x

OP posts:

Original poster

Gymbob · 01/09/2013 00:20

mwah Monty x x x

OP posts:

Monty27 · 01/09/2013 00:21

Star I bet some could manage it

Cross posts Gym Of course you're forgiven :)

Monty27 · 01/09/2013 00:22

Lol at the dress

NoComet · 01/09/2013 01:30

Ah, the sort of dress our six-form girls think is acceptable for end of term concerts.

NoComet · 01/09/2013 01:34

DDs BF had me giggling the other day.

BFs mum, those shoes are too high to walk around in all day(BF is 16). BF vanishes up stairs and reappears in ballet pumps.

We get to town and BF, of course, climbed out the car in said high, but hardly ridiculous shoes.

flow4 · 01/09/2013 07:29

Oh GymBob ,maybe she was planning to join a black tie beach flashmob like the one in the US last week and you spoiled everything!
(That's a YouTube clip btw).

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