Should we make allowances for teenage ds's in the same way we do for hormonal girls?

[QE]

ds1 is 12.5 and growing at an alarmingly fast rate. I have noticed things are starting to change for him down below and he can get what I can only refer to as Hormonal, a bit like pmt every few weeks.

dh can be a bit strict with him - they tend to clash a fair bit and I sometimes think dh is a bit too harsh on him at times. I think we should make allowances for him especially at the minute as he is clearly going through changes which must be as exciting yet scary for him as it must have been for dd starting periods and growing boobs etc.

Obviously I don't mean let him get away with blue murder but I wondered if any of you with boys gave them a bit of leeway at this age?

God,I feel so much better!

(not about the pubes obviously,I mean I knew they were coming but still......)

Misery loves company and all that.It's just so nice not to be the only mother torn in two.

Mine would be fully draped before showing me his fungals! I think women with teenager get dogs as a way of escaping the hothouse!

Sugarfree, i think you've hit the nail on the head when you say the instinct to protect our children is much stronger than pandering to our DH. I am always being told that i side with the children but if i think DH is being unfair then i will tell him!!

Mind you, i think it's ok for me to shout at them, it just seems worse when he does it.

DS doesn't really help his case by lying in bed all morning and then not getting himself showered and dressed until about 2pm.

There is that,they do seem to be spoiling for a fight sometimes!

Mell,I get told I'm a liberal hippy,I retort that he is Victorian dad.

no no no - no leeway ever - not in this house

the clashing between him and dh is alpha male stuff
your ds growls and your dh slaps him down the impudent little cub.

my 16 year old still does it then dh and him "play fight" ( yeah right) until 16 yo gives up.

My ds started with black pubes when several months ago when he was still 10 years but he is very hairy anyway - legs etc. but not underarms

Is that very early then?

My DN 1 is now 18 and was very moody etc as a younger teenager but now he has come out the other side as a absolutely lovely young man

custardo - its DH that starts the arguments in this house. DS will mind his own business if left alone or spoken to like a normal human being.

Its DH that lays into him from the opening. Then DH looks gobsmacked when DS gets stroppy back at him. DH then looks at me all wide eyed with palms upturned and says 'what did I say'

my dh does that ( i man i do sometimes too) but heseems to do it a lot with my dd (13) then i have to say "don't speak to your father like that"

then when she storms off in huff - i say to him "stop being a complete tosser" and storm off in huff.

men eh?

yeah... mums end up as judge, jury and piggy in the middle.

My dh puts on the pompous old fart act with ds and it drives him mad. Alas I fear it is not an act any longer.
Or he might try to 'educate' him with an 'interesting' fact. That drives him to distraction too.
The net result is that I get on better with him than his dad. I treat him like a normal adult and it works. The irony is I am a worrier par excellance and I sometimes think I am wasting years I should be enjoying before he leaves home by worrying so much. I try to make an effort and see things in perspective but it doesn't reduce the worry. However I don't show it too much. dh does not worry particularly but I think it is more a power struggle.

quanglewangle... sounds like my DH. The educational idea thing.. delivered in a patronising tone, I'm all too familiar with. Am thinking it might be good to have CCTV trained on our living room for a week, then play it back to DH. I'm sure he would be horrified to see his own behaviour around DS, his dismissive, patronising tone etc. I truely believe he has no insight. I bet his dad did the same to him too, but he cannot remember what it felt lke. DH is due home in 2 hours and I'm here desperately pleading with DS to get his chores done 'before your dad gets home, coz you know what will happen'.

Can I hijack for a quick but serious question please.Have posted before re a boy who was in ds primary school He was always trouble but I know his parents who are sweet but drink a lot and let him do what he likes(sounds awful I know)His behaviour is awful and although he abnd ds are not in the same school now he has started turning up at the park with ds and friends and keeps asking ds to sleep over at his houseWe have managed in the past to avoid sleepovers etc with this boy for v specific reasons that i won't go into here but now ds is asking why.He knows this boy is trouble but like many of his friends finds him fascinating Do you think just telling ds that this boy is trouble will make him like him more?I am at my wits end as over the years the parents have fobbed him off with various people all of whom haev fallen out with them bar us I want to stop this before the summer hols.I am thinking of just telling ds the truth He has phoned tonight to ask if ds can stay this weekend but ds has a party so we are in luck.BTW this boy is allowed to stay up all night watch 18 films and go to the town without telling anyone I just don't like it Sorry about the rant am looking for advice from you wise ones xxxxx

How old is your ds?

12(just)

noddy. having been in a slightly similar situation. I would tell your ds why you don't feel comfatble. with him hanging arround with this boy. I would let him see him but not overnight. I did find with ds after a while he realised that our one ws no good. he was rude to dd so that was it. so hopefully your ds will realise for himself.
I know what you mean about it making him more facinating. ds has a old friend who is a lovely boy but has "issues" he was slightly in awe when the boy said he had been kicked out of LH(I know you will know the school I mean) I wasn't suprised but felt really glad ds didn't go there.
sorry not much help really....we will have to meet up for that coffee

Yep, you want to avoid setting a precedent and you'll run out of excuses if you don't take a decisive stance on this.
Sounds to me like you should tell him the truth, though obv it depends on what it is. 12 year olds are still young enough to be biddable, yet sensible enough to understand the whys and wherefores, and they often have a strange maturity (before they become daft with hormones).
Sorry that isn't much help, I haven't read your other posts so don't know the history with this boy,.

There was a boy in ds1's primary class who was a sly little sh!t. My ds wasn't particularly friendly with him but it posed a problem for a friend of mine. Luckily her ds was rather wary of him too but found it hard to turn down every invitation. The thing was, he was bordering on 'gifted' and could do no wrong in teachers' eyes, he even had a certain charisma I have to admit. But he was a psychological bully and very manipulating. Parents could see through him but teachers couldn't.

And ds2 is pally with a boy who was a well known PITA and still is. However though they are friends ds2 keeps him at arms length. He isn't often invited into the house though I have never banned him. Actually he has had a difficult upbringing and I find myself quite fond of him. Especially now that he has gone and joined the army!!

Thanks for all your advicexx Would love to meet for a coffee 2shoes i am free next week except wednesday Let me know xx

noddy are you coming to the brighton meet on the 15th?

2 shoes we will be starting at 2pm - so you dont have to get shitfaced - in fact you will be with the majority i'm sure.

sorry bout the hijack

re the dodgy mate noddy - i think you should say he could sleep over at yours once in a while.

and when your ds asks - say " i like him he's alruight - parents are a couple of nutters though" that way your not slagging off the kid and giving him any cred. it turns into a pity thing.