What would happen in your house re bf staying over..

[SwivelHips]

Gah, so many issues about DSD (18) that I don't know where to start.
Just finished a levels, not overly impressed by her results as she did sod all work for 2 yrs, so we told her we weren't funded uni. No ambition/drive to do anything so she wasn't that fussed. Works in McDonalds, PT but we told her to increase her hours. She has, but gets home early at every opportunity, and the reason = the boyfriend.
Seems much happier lying upstairs,watching tv him with eating super noodles. Its driving us both nuts.
Anyway, bf now stays over whenever. Now initially I thought this was fine because at least we knew where she was under our roof. She also used to ask permission if he stayed. Now we have no idea (odd shaped house if you're wondering how we'd miss this) when he's here.
DH has already discussed him staying over all the time and she (quite rightly) said that DSS (27) does it all the time with his gf so why was she the exception.
What do you think? I'm at a loss really....
Should we push this bf staying over thing? DSS will be moving out soon so maybe dont need to use him as the benchmark.

Umm I am not quite at that stage yet, but my viewpoint is that it's your house, your rules.

Yes, she may be an adult - but unless she contributes a fair rent, then ultimately it is up to you and your DH who own and pay for the property who gets to stay there.

Where does the bf live? With his parents? I take it they aren't keen on her staying over there all the time?

I'm a bit confused - do you feel the poor exam results are connected with her BF staying over?

How poor were her results? - You say you've withdrawn your offer of funding her uni - did she get an offer, in which case how bad were her results?

How are you going to justify no more staying over when it's already been happening?

Thanks for replying.
No rent paid yet. I probably took the lead from all the young girls in hair salon, none of them paid rent except couple of them had to pay from 19th birthday. I thought well if that's the norm we'll go with that. Plus she earns buttons where she is so seems harsh.
Bf lives with grandparents, she's stayed once or twice, but the set up here probably means they can make more noise etc because we can't hear them.
For exam results she got 2 x c and 1 xd. some might say thats okay, but she didn't revise at all so could have done much better, wanted to do law and we just thought the whole plan was crazy.
I wouldn't say it was the boyfriend's fault though, he came on the scene and she wasn't revising anyway, but he didn't help.
To be honest I dont think its the staying over thats bothering us, its more the fact she doesn't ask, she just assumes. DH had a chat yesterday, so tonight she asked. No problem.

Oh that's good.

We had a younger mini-version of this when DD was 15 - minimal work for GCSEs, BF who seemed unable to walk anywhere; lots of ferrying around with little or no notice and a very fussy eater at our dinner table. It was very irritating.

Do you like your DD's BF? If he's lazy she'll hopefully get fed up of him before too long. Are her friends going off to uni? When she hears how much fun they're having she'll hopefully start doing something to get qualifications/training for a better job.

Has she actually got an offer. for uni? If so her A level results don't matter now. If she goes to uni. the BF problem won't be. there as she won't be at home, Ignore all that if she hasn 't got an offer. I woule sit down and discuss rules for her BF staying over.

What are her plans for next year? Is she going to retake a levels (have her grades shocked her?) Or is she going to take another college course, or looking for work or an apprenticeship?

I would agree about the fact she doesn't really earn much to pay rent, dd used to work for macdonalds and they pay a pittance for what is actually hard work.

My dd's boyfriend stays over a lot, but she always asks and she doesn't have him stay over all the time, if she wanted him to stay every day I would put a stop to it. But I think you are perfectly within your rights to tell her she needs to ask if he can stay. It is just courtesy isn't it.

She has no plans, zilch, nada. She mentioned the navy the other night to dh (wft? No idea where that came from). Regardless she won't leave bf I know that much, uni or the navy. Even if she did go to uni we'd be in the same position, no revision, minimum effort so I really dont see the point. He works with her in McD's, I do like him, however, he has a 2yr old so wont be leaving this town/job anytime soon. I just get so frustated because I can see her life mapping out before her....my mum always said youth is wasted on the young.

We started letting our 16 yr olds bf stay over this summer. He's helped around the house and it hasn't been a problem with him staying here. But I think it's up to you whether you are comfortable with it or not.

If an 18yr old is not in full time education they need to be working full time and paying their way, now that they are an adult.