DD refuses to share her room anymore

[dearlordwhathaveidonenow]

DD1 and DD2 have shared forever, with DD3 and DS having their own rooms. DD1 has now decided after a lengthy five minute spat with her sister that she never wants to sleep in the same room as her again, and is demanding she gets DD3's room, who will move in with DD2 in her place, and until this aim has been acheived she is apparently going to sleep on the landing in her sleeping bag . DD2 refuses point blank to share with DD3 (who obvs isn't going to move out of her room anyway) and has declared their room now solely hers and will not let DD2 move back from her landing. DH of course, finds it all hilarious, but I have no clue on how to get them to co-operate and just stay put for heaven's sake

QOD I would be inclined to give DD1 her own room too. I think as you get older and 'stuff' starts to happen you start to need your own space a bit more and need some privacy.

Also she will presumably be leaving for uni or whatever relatively soon when her sisters will get their own room. This might be her only chance to have her own room and space in this house. It would be nice just to give her for a little while that space and freedom, her sisters will have it when she has gone.

I fought loads with my sisters at that age. There were 3 of us in 2 rooms but we used to swap round quite a bit so each got their own room every so often.

Sounds like DD1 might be deserving of her own room for a while. Can you offer her a swap, perhaps for the next year or two and DD2 and DD3 share - all the moving around and redistribution of stuff will keep them occupied for the rest of the school holidays .

It sounds like DD3 has had her own room for most of her life, and it usually is the eldest that gets their own room.

However, at 14 surely she can take herself to school, either on foot or public transport?

how about they do as they are told? Don't reward strops, whingeing and whining!

Going to wait this out for a couple of days with a straight face so they don't get encouraged but if they're still set on it DD2 and 3 might end up sharing. A bit complicated though as on the one hand, DD1 is going into Year 10 and it would be fair to let her have her own space for studying snort, but the eldest are at secondary together whereas DD3 is still at primary so there's different get up times, morning routines hair straightening to contend with etc.

I think the 14YO should have her own room too.

Whatever you do, I'd say it's vital you do nothing right now, in the wake of a fight, or you're setting a dangerous precedent that encourages them to fight and fuss for what they want.... Just like not buying sweets after a toddler tantrum! Revisit it in a couple of days when all is calm. :)

I agree with those who have suggested that DD1 should have her own room for a bit. She's the oldest, she presumably has more homework than the others and, at that age, she probably deserves a bit more privacy.

If she goes to university at 18, that means DD2 can have her own room from the age of 16. Sounds fair enough to me!

What are the relative sizes of the rooms?

I agree with flow, and it also gives them time to calm down and then consider all of the implications and consequences of swapping around.
DD had a rage about DS spreading everywhere, and she was going through a minimalist phase, and...swept up and along by the tide of her own fury, she found herself in the smaller bedroom, and him and all his stuff in the large one.
Worked fine for the next eight years, although she did have a slightly dazed 'What happened?' look for a few months afterwards. She too owns The Only Straighteners Worth Having.

I think DD2 and DD3 will just have to live with it, maybe they will have to get up at the same time and change their routines? What is the age difference between 2 and 3? If 3 is going to secondary soon it might be good for her to start to segue into the routine now.

I agree that going into year 10 it's going to be important for DD1 to have her own space for study. It sounds like you have a busy house so the family areas won't be suitable.

If she's sharing a room either you have to be harsh on DD2 and tell her she can't go in her own room when DD2 is studying, or let her go in her room and irritate her sister which is not really fair on DD1.

Then you get into the area of what will happen when DD1 is doing her A'Levels and DD2 her GCSEs and how they will both have space to study then?

In the long term do you have a dining room or similar which could be converted into a bedroom? Could you extend? Convert a loft? Or move?

DD1 & 2's room is bigger than DD3's, (two singles, nightstands, chest and cupboard acting as wardrobe). There are two years between DD1 (14) & 2 (12) and three years between DD2 and 3 (9). Settled on DD2 and 3 sharing the bigger room with DD1 in smaller room if they don't settle within two or three days. DD3, unexpectedly, doesn't seem to mind whatevers going on

I agree it shouldn't be given in a way that it looks like she's "won" but it seems fair that dd1 and then dd2 get a crack at their own rooms. Shame dd3 and DS aren't littler then they could share

My friend has two sisters (very close in age) and they used to take it in turns to share or have their own small room

Could this be an option?

I don't think the eldest should necessarily be given her own room. Does the middle one just have to "lump it"when so called "stuff" starts to happen to her or does she get to move into the single room then and the eldest shares with the youngest?

There is no completely fair way to do this but giving in to a teen tantrum is not the answer.

As it's DD1 who has thrown the strop I would be tempted to move DD2 into the single and make DD1 share with DD3.

(not really but I would love to see how the eldest took the suggestion)

If you want something you ask for it nicely and make a case why you need it. Please don't reward brattish behaviour. If in a month you decide the oldest should have her own room now, that's totally separate.

how old is your DS could he not share with DD3 for a few years and let the two oldest have their own rooms? my DD and DS shared until they were 12 and 10 didn't do them any harm.

I think the oldest at 14 should have her own room, with the next inheriting it when oldest goes away to college. But there has to be a cooling off period before you change rooms or you end up giving the impression that you cave to tantrums.

Or as suggested, how about putting DS and DD3 into the biggest room together and DD1 and DD2 into their own rooms?

After age 15 or so the hair straightening impulse wears off ime. Or maybe it's the fact that all the DCs here have very curly hair, requiring a commitment of at least an hour every morning that put them off, and resulted in a hair straightener graveyard at the back of the bathroom cabinet.

How old is DS? Couldn't DS and youngest DD share for a few years so that the older DD's have their own rooms?

Then, when DD3 is 14, oldest DD will be moving out and each DC could then have their own room?

I'd leave dd1 on the landing for now. But assuming there is a desk in the shared bedroom I would allocate her 2 hours a night undisturbed in the room to study.

When they come to their senses I'd keep the study hours, even if she is watching TV/listening to music.

DD2 should get 1 hour, going up to 2 when she is in year 10.