Too sociable 18 year old

[marriedinwhiteisback]

Does anyone else have this? DS is 18 and has always been very confident, very popular but from about 15 he has been out whenever possible (not Sun-thurs in term time that would be unacceptable) usually partying with friends - we don't always know with whom - at 15 he pushed all boundaries re curfews although usually then we knew who he was with.

Even on holiday like now he has been out every night until 2,3,4 in the morning - beach parties, pool parties, etc. Wherever he is he seems to hook up with the "party crowd". Isle of Wight, cornwall, South of France.

DH and I were quiet, nerdy souls as teenagers and now. We are worried sick about what he will get up to at uni when he is totally off the leash. He has had a couple of hols on his own, well with friends (of course he's part of the crowd that does that soert of thing) and hs come back in one piece.

We are really concerned about him maintaining his focus rather than having just a fun existence. On the whole is fairly grounded, gets excellent academic results with the minimum effort and doesn't seem to take life seriously. Reports about him are always good from school, etc, where he's apparently polite, kind, etc but he isnkt at home. He is argumentative provocotive and just wearing. He engineered an argument about rice and pasta last night - totally riling DH which is very rare. He has had a bollocking from me this morning about selfishness and had a cry (and brought me home a bottle of wine afterwards) but DH and I are still not speaking after last night's fiasco at dinner.

It's just we see the argumenative side, the unfocused side, the boorish side, the potential waste of potential.

Anyone else had this? Any words of wisdom? DO they calm down or do we have a playboy or potential lounge lizard in our midst?

My lovely DS1 (14 almost) is like this. We put it down to the fact he has a disabled brother but from 6am in mornings he is out in search of friends, action, excitement. His curfew is 9pm at home in hols but 12 when we are on holiday. He DJs as well so gets booked to do other people's parties... It's like he has an obsession with fun, he can't get enough. Life at home is often v difficult so I can understand him being like this...am scared about him hitting 15+ though!

DD2 was like this between the ages of 18 and 19. Then she went to uni and started to grow up. She was a different person when she came home after the first term although still had her moments.

He'll be fine. Let him have fun. If he cares enough to bring you wine as an apology then he's a nice boy. Stop babying him - he's 18!

In my experience these are the ones who to coin a phrase 'could fall in shit and come out smelling of roses!'

I know several people like this who through their confidence have secured great jobs (some through doing well at uni, some through starting at the bottom).

I don't have teenagers but I do worry that in the current climate what makes kids stand out and your son is certainly doing that. As long as he is keeping out of trouble I wouldn't worry.

As for at home.... My nephews are 17 and 21 and sound exactly the same. As were my brothers who grew out of it.... Eventually. Sorry that might not be much help!

He's getting excellent results, has a place at uni to do a very good degree and is happy and enjoying life? And bought you wine!

Give him some credit, I'm sure he understands he needs to work at his degree and tone the partying down a bit. It's his holiday, and is doing what many 18 year olds do. Just because he's not like you or DH doesn't mean there's anything wrong with him.

Look at some of the threads on this board, depression, self harm, truanting, drugs, stealing and have a word with yourself about how much worse it could be.

You really don't need to know his friends at 18. Time to let go.

I was brought up by my grandmother who was lovely but not sociable outside the family. My reaction was to want to be out most of the time, looking for company and fun with likeminded friends. I'm sure my gran was worried sick about me the majority of the time, but I grew out of it eventually. At least he has good grades, so must be intelligent enough to have the sense to keep himself safe. I think he will make you very proud one day.