dh called as about ds

[foxy6]

hi all dh today while I was I'm bed from a night shift called social services about ds3 who is 14 . I'm not sure if this was a good move of not. we have 5 dc's from 17 to 6 and don't have any problems with the 4 but ds 3 gives us enough trouble for the five of them. he has no diagnosed behavioural problems but I believe he has Adhd and odd . Vegas always been very hard work and got into lots of trouble in school. unfortunately the primary school just fobed of his behaviour as sillyness boyhood behaviour on one hand and on the other they wouldn't take him on school trips useless I accompanied him, he was suspended for swearing at the head and had lunch time suspensions and I would regularly check on his behaviour on a weekly bases. I asked for records of his behaviour and all they had was his suspension for swearing. they put a iep in place when he was in yr 6 bit nothing came of it as he then moved to comp.
comp I though was going to be helpfully they noticed hos behavioural problems and refers us to onto a Barbados scheme which helped a bit while it lasted. they referee him to ed psych but that always got put back for more urgent cases. ds spent loads of time wither on the inclusion room of just bundling lessons. he was abusive towards teachers and spend received lots of suspensions. eventually he want on a hour long rampage with a friend smashing Windows disrupting classes and calling the caretaker out for a fight. he received a 2 week suspension the other boy got kicked out completely, but they gave ds another chance. I think that was because I complained about the fact he had been waiting to see the ed psych for two years at this point and it still hadn't happened. well surprisingly she seen him soon after this. her report had half the facts wrong and her recommendations I knew we're just not going to work.
he was smoking and very hard to deal we argued alot about school and the trouble he kept causing we had on place consequences for his behaviour bit nothing seemed to be working so I took the drastic step of taking him put of school and Home educating him. this helped the stress eased and our relationship improved he calmed down and became less destructive. we done work together he was very behind a lots of his work is at yr 6 level so it was like he learned nothing in comp. his interactions with undesirable friends was very limited and I though we had turned a page, but unfortunately as with ds all improvements. do not last he takes one step forward and 2 back. towards the end of term his older 16 yr old friends and bro finished early after their exams and ds started going out more and not wanting to do any work. ok thought we will just finish early for school hols too, he's improved I'll let him have time with his friends. at this point his friends Were a small group and not too bad. only now the school hols are here his friemds group is bigger and includes some off those that he would get into trouble with in school he is getting very hard again to manage not wanting to do anything always after money and we found out he has been smoking weed. we try to ground him but unless we lock all door and Windows he just defies us and goes out we have tried not giving him money but that hasn't stoped him. the past two days were good but I think the rain helped that bit today he just left their was no arguments be just disappeared and left a note saying he was going out and wouldn't come back he. he did bit says he can't stand it on the house with us so dh phoned social services to see if they can help. Will they help or are they likely to just judge us. they said they would contact us. I have made a Dr appointment for data and will be asking for a referral and this time I will not leave until they agree. in the past they have said tRy other things first. I have become very frustrated with the whole system for getting help.

omg I just realised how long that was sorry

omg I just realised how long that was sorry

I'd love to read it, but it's so dense.
Can you repost it with paragraphs and change the title?

Hi

Sorry you're having such a hard time, it will get better, but it will take time. Social Services, can and do help, but it can sometimes be a question of resources, and capacity, which it sounds like you have experienced before, keep going down the route, but prepare yourself for a bit of a wait, so in the meantime you could give the following a try:

A) contact your local parenting support / sure start service, to see if they are able to offer any help or support, I know sure start centres are traditionally 0-5, but ceriantly in my area, they have begun to offer things like S..T.E.P courses for families or courses on managing emotions .

B) contact a local charity / voluntary organisation with regards to some counselling / therapy for your Son, when making the referral get other people such as the school/ ed Phyc/ barnardos to write a letter in support of your referral to move them further up the list,your GP could also support this. If you son is not keen on face to face counselling, you could try it, by telephone, Sykpe or email to start with.

C) Is there anyone your son does engage with and trust,,who could help and support you in dealing with the issues, ie youth workers or a friend or relative ?

D) just for your piece of mind, I would get some facts/ help/ support about the weed , so that you know best how to support yourself and your son through that.

E) I know the may be difficult, because you feel let down by the system and don't know where to turn for help, but it may be worth giving the ed physc report, another chance, and looking again, if any of the recommendations contained in the report may work, given time, I say this, because as they are recommendations in a report they may be more likely to be acted on my others , even though, and you have to remember this, you are the professionals when it comes to your child, and you are doing a great job, keep going,,and hang in there.

Good Luck.

Two websites might help:

Young minds
Frank

thanks I will look at them as soon as I can get on the pc. I have just come back from drs who are going to refer him to camhs. I was ready for a fight in the drs about it as they wouldn't do it before, they just got him to see a councillor who said he was ok .the thing is he can be very charming and I think he just charmed the councillor. the Dr was locum and was happy to refer him on what I said. ds wouldn't come with me he doesn't see a problem with his behaviour.