SN son and his best friend advice needed

[GreenSkittles]

My DS, 16, has Asperger's and Tourettes and has a fairly limited life, which is how he prefers it. When he doesn't have to be out he likes to play XBox in his room.

His best friend since primary school moved about two hours driving distance away when his parents broke up five years ago, but DS has seen him every school holiday when he comes over to visit his df.

They never go out and DS never goes to his house, they sit in DS's room and play XBox till his friend goes home. That used to be a security thing for DS. Now he's more open to going out, etc but I don't think he communicated that to his friend. HHis best friend is his only friend.

His friend came over one day in the first week of the holiday, stayed for 20 minutes (very short time for him) and left saying he felt ill. DS has not heard from him soon, and he's missing his company. I helped him compose a text asking if he was still around and if he wanted to go to the cinema, but he hasn't had a reply.

The only thing that was particularly different and might look slightly odd to some, is that DS has become a 'brony', a male My Little Pony fan - which is something I found slightly odd initially, in fact it even crossed my mind he might be gay, because what teenage boy is into MLP? Now I know that lots are, but anyway DS has a MLP poster on his wall, and two comic con MLP figures on a shelf. I'm wondering if his friend saw those and thought it was really strange, or even had the same kneejerk reaction I did? That's the only thing I can think of.

I would like to talk to his Dad, but I don't have his number, and I don't think it's appropriate for me to contact his friend when I wasn't given the number. Is there anything I can do to help in this situation?

Seeing as your son likes MLP he must be a very wonderful kid, not that I'm biased!
You could be right, teenage boys can get a bit funny when they see something out of the ordinary and don't know how to confront it.
Or perhaps the poor kid was ill, and that's why your son has heard nothing.
Not sure how feasible it is but try suggesting to your DS that he be patient, wait a few days for his friend to get over being ill, then try texting again, asking him if he feels better and if he'd like to visit.
It must be very hard on you and your DS as this is his only friend, I hope he comes round soon and that your DS's new found confidence in going out helps him make a few more friends too.

I think suggesting going to the cinema is a good idea.
Being a Brony can seem very odd to someone not in the loop, or part of the cosplay/anime/internet side of things. Which if you are a teenage boy can be disconcerting and hard to articulate why.
Or it might be that the friend felt ill.
Or that the friendship dynamics have changed.

I'm afraid I don't really know what to suggest but wanted to say that you sound like a very considerate and thoughtful mum.

I've never heard of bronys but then again I don't have any teenage sons, or indeed know any teenage boys, really, but all I can suggest is that you wait and see if your son's friend responds, and continue to be supportive. I agree with a pp that it may be more worthwhile now to try your best to help your son focus on making new friends if poss.

His friend has been over since the second week of June, after his exams finished. So he hasn't been in contact at all for nearly two months now.

I just sent him a text asking if he would like to come to the cinema with us on the weekend, then I deleted his number so I won't be tempted to call again. After two texts, if he doesn't want to see my DS anymore, he'll have to accept that.

He'll be pretty busy from September, it's just these last few weeks that will drag!

DS actually asked for an MLP plush last weekend after he saw them as we walked past the Build-A-Bear shop. I said I couldn't afford it, but it's really that I'm starting to think the MLP thing may be detrimental to his socialisation.

He has a massive crush on a girl who lives in our street, same age as him, and she seems so grown up compared to him. I feel that liking MLP may be great if someone is secure in their sense of self, but with DS, it's just creating another vulnerability I think.

Teenagers are so conformist (even when they think they're being highly individual!) and unless he stumbles upon a local nest of Bronies this new interest isn't really seeming like a positive one.

My DD is into cosplay and has a network of friends who meet up twice a year at the London Expo www.mcmcomiccon.com/london/
He might enjoy a day out in October, and the Expo covers a huge range of fandom, from anime to steampunk. And MLP.
if it's something you think he'll move on from, that's fine. I'm just thinking of places he might meet a few geeks and nerds on his current wavelength.

I took him to a Pokemon convention at the NEC, and to Gamefest the year after, but in both cases he was nervous of being around so many strangers and he was practically hiding behind me.

He's at the stage where he doesn't want to be going places with his Mum, but there's no-one else and he can't go alone. So he needs me there, but he also hates it. Makes for a great atmosphere!

If he has SN, is there any chance you could find an adult befriender? Depending where you live some SN charities offer befriending as a service, or maybe social services would be able to point you at one. The right befriender could learn about MLP/bronies, and perhaps even go to one of these conferences with him?

My (Aspie) DS is a bit more mainstream in his obsessions and one of our friends is happy to chat endlessly about them. So we still use him as a babysitter when we go out even though really DS is too old and can be left alone - it is more of an unofficial befriending thing.

I think it?s better for kids to have interests (however unusual!) than not. Trying to take it away would only make the atmosphere worse?

Thanks Kleinzeit. He's on a waiting list for a Barnado's social coaching mentor, you've reminded me to chase that up actually!

His friend actually messaged him today and said he'd be over tomorrow. I'm going to push the boat out and let them order pizza in. I feel like doing some mad house cleaning like I'm preparing for a VIP. His friend would be freaked out if he knew how important it is to me that DS has a real life friend!

Good news about the friend! My DS gets on OK at school but since he left primary school he hardly ever sees anyone out of school. By the end of the summer holiday I think he's going to have managed exactly one trip to the cinema with kids from school and that's it. So let's hear it for games of D&D played by email with people he's never met. (sigh!)

Hope it all goes well tomorrow

About the friend- don't forget that he is also a teenager, with his own problems, something may have happened to him this summer (broken heart? other worries?) that has made him suddenly completely taken up. It's not necessarily about your son at all.

I'll be honest Cory, that didn't really cross my mind, just because he practically lives here every holiday. But you're right, he may be dealing with his own issues. They're getting older!