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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Why does she want to hang around at home rather than socialise??

15 replies

MaryRose · 05/08/2013 14:20

Am I over reacting? Dd 12 has just got back from a week with her dad, we go away on Wednesday again so she only has a few days to catch up with friends. But she's blown one off today with an excuse (lie) about going out with the family and another for tonight with an excuse (lie) about me wanting her home. She's just in her room doing video star etc and seems happy and says she just wants to hang out at home but I'm worried her friends won't bother asking anymore if she's like this. Am I over reacting? Should I insist she catches up with friends tomorrow, if only for a few hours?

OP posts:
livinginwonderland · 05/08/2013 14:49

Leave her to it. If she's happy at home, leave her be. She'll be fine. Most kids go through a "loner" phase when they get a bit more antisocial. Be happy that she likes her own company and can entertain herself. If she wants to hang out with her friends, she will.

Original poster
MaryRose · 05/08/2013 14:55

Thanks livinginwonderland. I have always emphasised that it's ok to enjoy your own company, and she does. Just don't want her to alienate her friends by being a bore though, but that could be more my own paranoia

OP posts:
Purplerain80 · 05/08/2013 15:11

My 14 yr ds is like this, loves seeing his friends and will go out when they invite him. However he doesn't contact them as he would rather "chill out", I've given up asking what his plans are from day to day so if they're happy enough then agree just leave th be.

Original poster
MaryRose · 05/08/2013 15:20

I suggested she should have today to chill and organise something for tomorrow and she seems to have taken that on board...,I think!

OP posts:
livinginwonderland · 05/08/2013 15:23

No worries :) I say that because I was the same at that age and I hated it when my parents tried to "force" me to socialise! I grew out of it, but I definitely had an antisocial phase where I preferred my own company. I think it's normal and healthy even.

Nomnew · 05/08/2013 15:29

Me too. I was a loner teen, partly by choice and partly because after 13 I didn't have any close friends anyway. It's great that she has got friends and still loves the company of her family and time on her own. Being able to be alone is a valuable skill that not many people have.

If there is a real change in her behaviour and she goes from being very sociable to antisocial, I would however check that there's no bullying etc going on.

Teenage girls can be cruel and in my experience some start to change for the worst around 13.

fubbsy · 05/08/2013 15:31

If she is happy, I would just leave her to it. Maybe she needs some down time. I know I would, if I only had 3 days at home between trips.

She may not have the same friends in a few months, anyway. At that age they are always forming and re-forming friendship groups. If the current friends find her 'boring' (and you are right, it may just be your paranoia Wink) maybe she will be better off finding different friends who are more suited to her.

MrsPennyapple · 05/08/2013 15:31

I think that if I had two trips away planned, I'd want to spend the few days in between at home, with my own stuff, doing my own thing. Going away is nice, but getting home is nice too. Maybe she just doesn't want to be "on the go" all the time, and needs a bit of time to herself.

Original poster
MaryRose · 05/08/2013 16:13

Thanks guys. Fairly sure there are no bullying issues as friends have asked her to come out and she's not withdrawn or unhappy. She admits sometimes she just can't be bothered and just likes to chill a bit

OP posts:
Redlocks30 · 05/08/2013 16:19

If this was an adult on their holidays, I'd think you were being a pain in the neck! If I was off for x weeks, spent a week with my dad and a week soon after with my mum, I'd appreciate some time just pottering and relaxing in the house!

Original poster
MaryRose · 05/08/2013 16:49

Fair point redlocks

OP posts:
2kidsintow · 14/08/2013 21:59

My 12 year old is exactly like this. Last year, the summer hols after she finished primary school, I decided I'd better make the most of it as she would probably want to be here, there and everywhere with her friends soon.

I was very wrong. She wants to stay at home. Or to be at our caravan.

She loves watching her DVDs and listening to her music. but most of all she wants time to sit and write her own stories. Sorry - her novel!

I've suggested she meet up with friends, but she's not interested.

I've bought a family ticket for the 1D film (expecting mother of the year for sitting through watching it) as it meant she could invite her best friend - who is 1D mad - along for just a couple of extra quid.

But otherwise, I'm letting her choose how she wants to spend the days that we aren't doing family outings/activities.

TwelveLeggedWalk · 14/08/2013 22:02

Does she feel able to invite close friends round to yours for a nice low-key DVD/pizza/chocolate/gossip sesh?

alwaysinamuckingfuddle · 14/08/2013 22:16

I'd leave her alone.

Sounds like she could be an introvert (like me!), in which case, she needs time on her own to recharge before the next holiday.

Being an introvert does not mean she is necessarily shy or lacking confidence either...

exoticfruits · 14/08/2013 22:20

I hated parents organising me at that age or making me feel that I should be out doing things.

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