Tactile Older Women and Teen Boys

[SuperiorCat]

This is a weird one...I've noticed a change in the way some women are reacting to almost 15yo DS and his friends, I thought it was just my imagination but even (ASD) DS who is pretty socially clueless has commented on it.

Typical example seems to be when I drop DD off at dancing, I do it en route to taking DS and his friend to Cadets - one week they were in their ceremonial uniform so looked older and I guess quite masculine, and some of the other mums were almost flirting with them - very complimentary, patting their arms etc, and there is the odd near the knuckle comment said to make them blush.

Another time the boys were talking about when a gang threatened and chased DS' friend and one of the Mums hugged him - kind of reminded me of the way Nurse Gladys used to hug Granville in Open All Hours for anyone else old enough to remember.

It's all very innocent on the face of it, but DS' said yesterday "Ugh they are embarrassing me" - his friend said he quite liked the attention, but I think if it were adult men and a teenage DD I would feel extremely uncomfortable about it.

DH reckons it is probably my friends reminded of their teen years and just having fond memories of their youth

I was going to name change but thought I'd be accused of being a teen boy trolling. I just wondered if anyone else had noticed a change in behaviour from their friends (especially if they haven't got teen boys themselves)

That is an interesting point flow - having had weight / self esteem issues all my adult life, I compliment my DCs all the time...and yet, in doing so am I giving them the wrong message that looks are important.

Don't get me wrong I praise their behaviour, manners, successes, effort etc, but I do preen when people compliment their looks in an "I made this" kind of way.

I'm chuffed to bits when people compliment my DCs' appearance too and I compliment them too for the same sort of reason as you do, but I do wonder if by doing that I'm reinforcing the impression that looks really matter.

I tell my DD that young people are attractive because they're young - no wrinkles, clear eyes etc.

I think it's important to tell DCs they are attractive, though I cswym too about teaching them looks are not the be all and end all. Mind you my parents told me I was attractive but I still had terribly low self esteem so I didn't believe them anyway. I suppose there is a balance somewhere.

Part of what I was trying to say (badly) is that I think culturally, women are much more likely to tell boys they are attractive - and perhaps think it - than men are to tell girls. There may be legitimate reasons for that, but one of the results, I think, is that attractive boys grow up with more confidence and a better self-image than attractive girls. And we have higher 'standards' of attractiveness for girls, and such an odd, narrow definition.

My DS2's gf is lovely, clever, witty, talented, good company, clear skinned, pretty, slim, confident and generally attractive... Yet her own mum told me her dad thinks she's "out of her league" with my son. :( I really, really hope they haven't said that to her... :(

But the whole idea seems wrong and ridiculous to me: although my DS has what could be seen as 'classic good looks', looks themselves are only a tiny fraction of what makes up 'attractiveness', and a person's own sense of their attractiveness contributes massively. Self-confidence is attractive, but arrogance and vanity are not...

I suppose the 'balancing act' might mean it's important to tell DC they're attractive for as long as they don't believe you... But always, and especially as soon as they do, it's more important to emphasise the aspects of personality - other than physical appearance - that make a person attractive.

it isn't your son who has the problem, is it?

what is WRONG with these women? They'd soon be up in arms if the genders were reversed, but here they are deliberately embarrassing these boys.

they all need to take a long hard look at themselves and the lack in their own lives. And to stop inappropriate behaviour towards children. Now, what's the word for that?

Oh yes, these women do exist..its not imaginary. A friend of mine was recently asking (what I considered downright nosey) if my 16 year old was having sex with his girlfriend. Why on earth would she want to know?

Unrelated adult men telling young girls they are attractive is really frowned upon tho so I think, combined with women seen as less threatening, it is likely boys hear positive comments about their looks much more often.

There is that theory of done seeing younger girls as 'competition' so perhaps although generally seen as more nurturing, in the arena of praising young girls for their looks, it may not happen often enough (or have as much impact as from a male adult)

And that's not even starting into how any of our own body insecurities as women might be a barrier to recognising or wanting to appreciate a young girls appearance.

Interesting topic, esp as until this I have considered myself 'lucky' to have a boy when all my friends have been complaining about how much attention their teen girls get.

I never really thought about the comments made to/about him since a) they seemed positive and b) are generally the same as doled out to my brother growing up not that he is an insufferable playboy largely spurred on by irish mammysim oh bollix

I think it's a good idea to skill any of your children, regardless of gender, to recognise and rebuff unwanted attention. Preferably politely, but firmly.

It also helps if a boy/young man is able to turn down unwanted sexual advances from his peers too, without feeling confused or pressurised or obligated.
Flashback to a holiday with my younger brother (18 at the time) coming into my room and asking if he could sleep in my room for safety.
'Because X is in my bed and naked and I don't know what to do about it, and I don't want to have sex with her'
She was pissed off but too embarrassed to say anything when he didn't come back.

bubblepop - just eww to that woman

eyes I agree - it is almost as if young men are expected to want sexual attention.

I have an issue with one or two of my friends, who post pics on facebook of their teen sons showing off their six packs etc. various comments about their hunkiness usually follow in a way I would find distinctly creepy if they were girls. The same women also automatically compliment little girls on their looks and outfits in a gushing tone ( but never little boys), as a mother of boys only I have always noticed this and can't help feeling it is not healthy either.

ewww at hunky - that is definitely a term loaded with sexual attraction IMO

Urgh! Its as creepy as men perving over teenage girls. Having gorgeous teenage DC of both sexes, I am much more aware of this inappropriate flirting and I have to say I hate it.