How to motivate disengaged 14 yr old DS for GCSE's? What has worked for you?

[bettycocker]

DS is not very engaged at school. He finds most of the subjects and lessons boring - as many of us probably did when we were at school.

He starts his GCSEs in September and I really want to help him get the grades he needs to be able to go on to do his A levels. The issue is that he is very much like me.

My parents put a lot of pressure on me to do well at school. So much so, that I completely rebelled, did the opposite and ended up going to Uni as a mature student when I felt I was good and ready!

I find it difficult to know how to approach things. Using my parent's tactics would be counter-productive. So, I tend to take a more laid back approach, but this isn't working either.

To be honest I'm completely lost and fumbling around in the dark here. I think I need to be "one of those parents" who constantly bugs the school, as DS won't tell me what's going on.

I'm also thinking of a carrot and stick scenario, as in setting targets and rewarding him for good work with some money etc. Would this work?

Realistically, his talents lean towards art and humanities. So, I really don't think I should expect him to get top grades in maths and science. Nevertheless, I want him to do sufficiently well so that he can do A levels and go to university. He is particularly interested in philosophy, ethics, religion and social issues. He would like to work in a field related to that kind of thing.

He says that he hates school and it is like a Fascist regime. How should a parent deal with all of this?

What sort of reports do you get from school? One possibility would be to reward "effort". You could offer a significant reward for a certain percentages of commendations (or whatever your school does) in his end of yr report.

Also, a monthly smaller reward for not getting any detentions for failing to hand in homework.

At my boys' school they got regular reporting stickers which stated whether their current work was on target or not, and also a commitment grade.

I think these "tendency to be idle" boys do benefit from pro-active and involved parents; even if you manage to avoid nagging, just showing an interest will make a difference to his progress and ultimate attainment.

Thanks Casey.

I really like your idea of a monthly reward for not failing to hand in homework or getting detentions. The larger reward for commendations (they are merits at DS's school) sounds good too.

It's that fine line between nagging and giving them a nudge. All men I know zone out as soon as you start nagging.

I'm also thinking of getting a maths tutor for GCSE maths, although this will not go down well.

The problem is that DS perceives any involvement on my part as putting too much pressure on him.

I've found this is quite common in year 9, especially since they got rid of SATS, and that getting into year 10 and starting proper GCSE courses is quite a good motivator anyway - they automatically feel a lot more grown up and that there is more of a point to what they're doing.

If that isn't the case, then definitely try small, regular rewards as positive reinforcement. Agree that you being involved is probably going to be good for him. Could you speak to his form teacher or year leader? I bet they'll have some good suggestions, and it'll be good if your son knows you are all communicating.

And for the record, most teenagers think school is like a prison!

He's year 9?! Heavens to Betsy give him a break. A mate of mine said only wannabe Tory MPs work all the way through.

My ds had a decidedly average year 9. Hot better in 10.
Keep an eye on homework and coursework deadlines. Let teachers of weak subjects know your email so they can get I touch directly and work with school. This worked with mine in year 10 very well.

Don't accept the word nagging. You're reminding him to do what he forgets to do.

Keep a list of homework on notice board. Celebrate any improvement. But don't sweat the small stuff.

AViewFromTheFridge The whole positive reinforcement thing sounds like a good idea. I remember hating school myself.

EliotNess I don't expect him to go the Tory MP route, but would like him to get decent enough passes. It's good to know this is all pretty normal for yr 9 lads.

I have a couple of mates with yr 9 DS. They maintain that their DS are super motivated and diligent about doing their homework.

I think your friend is right about the whole Tory MP thing.

EliotNess, That all sounds very sensible!

Year 9 boys are not usually self motivated. Perhaps your friend's aren't telling you the whole story.
My two both drifted and slacked a bit in Y9 but went up a gear in year 10 exactly as AViewFromTheFridge says.
DS1 now in Year 12 and I reminded him the other day that he wasn't always the workaholic he is now.
DS2 in Year 10 certainly works harder than a year ago but I do try to check from time to time that he's keeping up to date as he will try to leave things to last minute if he can.
I also prefer the carrot and stick approach, rewarding effort rather than achievement. I think most schools grade them on their attitude to work and I used this as a guide.

Although this is very normal for yr10 boys, but they don't all pick up and sort themselves out. Having seen the results in school and pupils not reaching their potential, I would encourage all parents to be proactive and involved, even though you won't be popular for it.

Lots of positive reinforcement bribery seems to work. If DS gets a good report then he gets £20.

Friends DH has promised their 14yo a shopping trip to New York if he gets 8 A*s - bit out of our league